An intervention with the modern woman

Almost every Disney movie drives home the message that every girl is a princess and deserves to have their dreams handed to them without having to fight the same battles as men. There’s a mountain of pop songs about how women should be treated like the queen of the world. If you read any erotica or romance novels the heroine is always a virtueless ice queen who gets chased by a rich, powerful man for no reason until she finally allows him to fulfill all her fantasies and serve her like a slave. That’s basically the plot to Twilight.

Women do deserve to be treated well. But they deserve to be treated equal to men, not better. Case in point, I used to try to split the cost of meals with girls I dated (and these were all good, intelligent women) because that’s what equals do. However, I eventually gave up and accepted the responsibility of paying for meals because when men don’t they get labelled as cheap losers. This is even true in the military where people of equal ranks get paid the exact same, but the man is still expected to pay for the woman’s meals. It’s not fair, but that’s life.

I’ve used dating sites to scout out new romances before, and I was appalled by how many women’s profiles said they were looking for a man who made more money than them or had to have a stable career and their own house in order for her to even consider going on a date with him. On one level, sure it’s reasonable to want a generous guy with some direction in his life, but the point of dating and eventually marrying is to share your soul with someone who completes you and to enjoy the journey of life together. That and sex is all most men really expect from women. So you will almost never see a man write on their dating profile that wealth and status are prerequisites for consideration.

Yet it’s okay for, and sometimes even expected of, women to rule out potential suitors based solely on their ability and willingness to spend money on them. That’s a cruel, petty burden to place on men, and if a woman places monetary conditions on her love then how genuine can her love really be? Men deserve to be loved for who they are regardless of what they have. You could argue this point by saying that a man’s external success is a reflection of their internal virtue, but if you can agree with that logic then apply it to women as well. When you do that you see the modern man getting the short end of the stick.

In addition to being lavished with money and gifts I see a lot of women these days expect to get away with treating their man worse than they expect to be treated. In centuries past culture placed men as the head of the household, and he had ultimate power over his family to the point that he could (and was even expected to) beat his wife and children if they didn’t behave the way he wanted them to. Those days are over, but the scales haven’t balanced out. They’ve tipped in favor of the woman. Now every semi-educated man knows that men and women think a little different.  One of the secrets of a successful relationship is to not to argue or try use logic with an angry woman. Instead, listen to her. Let her vent, give her a hug and move on. If a man doesn’t respect a woman’s emotional nature then he’s a bad person.

That’s fair enough. However, there’s no cultural movement pushing women to think like a man. Women don’t have to give an inch, but men have to give a mile or they’ll be labelled an insensitive loser. If we’re going to label men as insensitive losers for not thinking like a woman then women who don’t think like men deserve to be labelled the same way.

There’s more to this issue than theoretical justice. As much as women hate to think like men, men hate to think like women. When men accept that they have to give in totally to their woman without receiving the same courtesy it’s like tucking their tail between their legs and accepting a lifetime of getting punched in the nuts. This makes men miserable. So any woman who insists that a man should spend the rest of his life putting his own nature aside and living like a woman is insisting that they reserve the right to make their lover miserable. Of course, by my own logic, expecting women to think like men is expecting them to be miserable. Is that fair? Not if women have to give a mile and men have to give an inch. What is fair is compromise.

Women don’t just expect their man to communicate like them. I see a lot of women who expect their man to accept that when they get emotional they should be allowed to take out their emotions on their man by throwing temper tantrums, whining and shouting (particularly when they’re on their period). In this day and age it’s unacceptable for a man to shout at a woman and tear her down (as well it should be). It should be equally unthinkable for a woman to do the same to a man. Regardless of what women deserve to get away with, men don’t deserve to be hurt. I don’t know what it’s like to have a period. I can only imagine how emotionally and physically daunting it must be, but nothing gives one person the right to treat another person in a way they wouldn’t want to be treated themselves. Even if you could successfully argue my logic and justify taking out your frustrations on your lover, ultimately you’re justifying tearing down your lover and thus your relationship. You may have the right to degrade your relationship, but just know that you’re going to have to live with the consequence, which is your man not wanting to be around you.

I see a lot of girls using cruel tactics like whining, shouting, crying and guilt tripping to change their lover’s behavior. If a guy wants to hang out with his friends he gets in trouble and earns a tongue lashing until he agrees to stay at home. If a guy wants to smoke he earns a tongue lashing until he quits. If a guy want to get a lower paying job that he’ll be happier at he gets in trouble and earns a tongue lashing until he does the “responsible” thing and accepts his horrible job.

Men are always in trouble with their lover for living how they want to live. Often times, letting a Disney-raised woman move in with you is like letting your high school principle move in with you. Living under rules you don’t agree with and constantly getting punished for breaking them is harrowing, but men put up with it because they want to make their lover happy.

The irony is that over time, living like that makes men unhappy. Often times it gets to the point that men sacrifice their wants and give women what they want just to shut them up. We do what we can to please our women, and in return we’re given unhappiness. That’s cruel to men, and that’s not how love works. In the end, even if a woman can win every battle and succeed at breaking their man’s will they end up losing the war because breaking a man doesn’t make him more perfect. It makes him more broken and unhappy.

If you love a man you should want him to be happy. If you can fulfill his wants you’ll make him happy, and that will make him love you more and do more to make you happy. The more you demand from him, the less you’re willing to compromise, and the harsher you control him the less happy he’s going to be, the less love he’ll have to give and the more likely he’ll be to leave you. If you’re going to act like a spoiled princess then he should leave you because you’re not fit to be in a relationship. You can be a princess, but treat your man like your prince, not your whipping boy.

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11 responses to “An intervention with the modern woman

  • Teri

    I don’t know who you are dating but I’m guessing the type of girl who shouts rah feminism, complains about gender inequality, opening doors is sexist, but why didn’t you pay for dinner wah.. and then wants you to be their beta. Then you get what you get.

    Men and women are different. Maybe it’s a millennial thing, but I’d rather be in a 1960s dating world (well, ideally erotic romance Shelly Laurenston’s pride series world, or the Beautiful Bastard by Christina Lauren World… This is not the Fabio era, eww, and there’s a reason it’s the biggest book category). Men are too beta. I’m not a feminist, I’m a respect everyone for their humanity and talents.. Men and women are different. Gavin McGinnis’ YouTube interview with Joe Rogan was spot on. .. Personally, I don’t want to be taken advantage of, and it easily happens.. both working, but the majority of housework, cooking, etc. Falls to us… That’s not divided.

    Men expect the housekeeping whore who also works full-time. There’s a reason women are less happy than ever before. There’s the sjw, the fem brat and, the third group. The non indoctrinated…. we want respect, to be treated as a relationship partner and as women, but not your buddy with bennies. I’ve never met a woman who thought she was golden, so I really suspect that type are sorority, sjw or low class. The key is really be masculine (I’m not your mom, your boss or your blow-up doll), and don’t be selfish. If the majority of you only came when your female partner did (instead of kosher sex), there’d be a lot of blue balls.


  • Chris B.

    There seems to be this whole “alpha male” thing going around on the internet, part of this says its the males fault that women treat them bad because they aren’t dominant, or “alpha” enough to, for lack of a better word, sedate them. I’m here to call bullshit on this theory. Yes, maybe some guys are total pushovers and just let women walk all over them but there is also a lot of women out there that can not behave in the way that leads to a normal, happy, relationship. Far too often women can do exactly what this article says, they can make life hell for a good guy. It might be easy to say pick up and leave but if their “true colors” come out after several years of marriage and after several children then bailing out becomes exponentially harder. Divorce can be a brutal affair, on children and the adults, unfortunately, men will usually end up on the losing side of a divorce given how our culture still perceives men as the cause of most conflict. Pick and choose wisely would be my only advice.


  • Yessica

    I went in with an open mind but this article threw me for a loop. I don’t think men even let women get to the relationship part. It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t type of scenario in the dating world now. Most men I’ve met have only wanted one thing. The power is all theirs’. I either put out or get shut out. And a lot of them ghost at the slightest provocation. The modern man does not put up with the slightest disagreement, let alone a princess. You should write an intervention about that.

    There is a silver lining though. Not everyone is like this. I met my boyfriend not to long ago but I really do consider him a unicorn. And I definitely try to meet him halfway.

    As for the period comment, I agree that it’s not an excuse to lash out at your partner, but after years of denial I’ve come to realize it’s impossible to control those emotions during that time. PMS is real. It’s almost like having depression, if that makes a clearer context for you.


  • rjillrn

    The problem is that society is teaching women that men are disposable. We need to respect and appreciate men. I have been married to an awesome man for almost 30 years and I do not bitch at him if he wants to hang out with his friends because he always comes home to me. He loves deer hunting and I support him. If he needs a new gun or a new 4-wheeler, I almost have to break his arm to finally get him to buy them. He prefers to spend money on me. I don’t believe a woman should ever use her period as an excuse to belittle or berate anyone. I have been there and I know how it feels to have those constantly changing feelings. I don’t understand them so how can I expect a man to understand them.

    I feel sorry for men. We live in a world where women feel entitled and have a right to be bitchy. What happened to being a lady? We can still be strong, independent women without the bad behavior.


  • nancy aka lil mcgill

    Hi, Travis. It’s time to introduce myself to you becauseI have read enough now to see that we are very alike. Let’s chat about saving the world sometime soon! Here’s a link to my blog so you know what I’m up to:

    I have a few different projects in the works, and if there’s any way we can connect and help each other out, I’m in. The world needs people like us to unionize, after all 🙂




  • Izzy

    Plenty of women and men exhibit these annoying tendencies. Plenty don’t. Perhaps you should date and befriend only those women whom you actually like.
    I used to have a friend with benefits. We never discussed an actual relationship, we saw each other as friends and we never argued. After months of not seeing him, he corners me and begins shouting insults out of the blue. I didn’t take this as an example of “the modern Man”, just as an indication that Inhad misjudged that particular man’s character. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since. Perhaps you should do the same with impossible princesses?

    A note on periods: they can be very painful. Isn’t it understandable for a man to be a bit unreasonable or short tempered when he is in pain? Is it excusable for him to be grumpy and abrasive when he has a killer headache? Period pain can range from mild discomfort to the kind of agony that makes your legs shake and literally knocks you off your feet. Sometimes a couple of painkillers fix it immediately, sometimes they seem to have no effect. Some women experience this kind of serious pain for seven days each month some for one day in every 28, and many for only a few days each year.
    I have had broken ribs. The pain was comparable to my worst incidents of period pain. That kind of pain doesn’t totally excuse unreasonable behaviour, but it is a mitigating factor. Ideally we would all learn to manage pain so that it did not alter our behaviour towards others, however very few people – make or female – actually manage this! Please remember that sometimes when a woman is abrasive and grumpy during the first couple of days of her period, it’s less to do with mysterious female hormones and more to do with simple, old fashioned pain – something you should be able to relate to!


  • dee

    I read one of your posts from 2009 and thought to myself – this is a guy’s writing. I guessed right.

    I agree with you. Women do get away with destructive behaviors because women are more empowered now to choose who they want to be with, what they want to do with their lives and maybe they are abusing it after years of being sidelined in history, years of not being able to choose who to marry or have sex with. Yes, maybe the power is blinding and maybe someone should intervene…

    Or not. Not all women work the same way and so does men. Not all men think like you do. Not all men want to compromise so it’s only fair to point that out. Some men also whine, shout or guilt-trip too and I know some who are good at using that to their advantage. Actually sometimes I think at least women have their hormones to blame. What are men’s excuse?

    We want to persuade you to our direction but you want to persuade us to yours. It’s a vicious cycle. Ironically, women want the same thing men want which is to ultimately get their way? No, to compromise? Maybe. To get along. We want to get along with our men because we, like any human being, want to just be ultimately happy.

    I just have to point out some things you mentioned.

    You said that if you let us pay for half, we think you’re cheap and that’s not fair. True but what about us, if we don’t give you sex..we’re prudes? cockblockers? or whatever new code there is for that? That’s also not fair.

    On the “hormones” issue, I understand how frustrating it must be for you to not understand what the hell just happened when 5 minutes ago you and your girl were laughing your hearts out and now she seems to want to eat yours out, literally.

    Welcome to the club. Women don’t get it too, no matter how much they reason it out for you. “You’re just insensitive” or “You just don’t get it” is code for “Everyone’s an asshole for me at the moment because it’s my time of the month.”

    I’m not saying leave her alone or leave her completely, you just have to be patient because hormones (from their monthly period or from pills) is like this friend of yours that’s gloomy all the time and while you try to be happy and cheer it up, you just get sucked into all the gloom so you just have to wait it out. She’ll come back to planet earth as soon as it dies down.

    It’s also not something we can always control, like your urge to pee or do shit or your drive to have sex all the time (maybe the latter’s the best example). How I wish we can control it! You hate it when we’re moody? Well, we hate it even more. How do you think we feel when we love something so much and then hate it all of a sudden because our moods shifted? It’s chaotic and confusing! It’s like no matter how much you know or your brain tells you to act a certain way, when you have your period, all your logic- poof! out the window.


  • John

    Although I agree that all you wrote is true, I’ve found that most women are actually attracted to the man that shows dominance. Most women are bitches and know it. They really don’t want to be bitches and are looking for the man that won’t take their shit and keep them in line.


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