Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #24


 

 

...who hates yourself.

and as expensive as possible

and don't expect any compensation  for demeaning yourself

but at least you'll be oblivious to your oppression

But if you ever dreamed of complicity in blowing up brown people....

 

 

Call it Freedom Terrorism

It will help you move mountains.

Jesus, now that I've found you, how much of my income do you want

Let's make it a day of mourning

like poverty

Luckily, no politicians will stop businesses from selling it to you.

Men don't have one either.

otherwise you're fucked.

point your finger at yourself

Thanks. Now go die.

What does that make me?

that's why I don't lose sleep over your hunger and fear

that's worth paying $20 for an album

Which makes it even more important than celebrity gossip.

How to make your own deep thoughts memes

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Transcript:

Deep Thought # 1

Bullying other people doesn’t prove you’re a bad ass.

It proves you’re a dumb ass.

Deep Thought # 2

Our goal at this college is to help you succeed.

…and to make registration as complicated as possible.

Deep Thought # 3

Be yourself and follow your dreams.

…except when you’re serving customers. Then put your wants and dignity aside and act like you’re happy to eat their shit.

Deep Thought # 4

I’m only going to pay you the bare minimum legally required of me.

…because I’m the bare minimum of a human being.

Deep Thought # 5

If you believe in yourself and the power of your dreams…

…statistically speaking you will still spend the rest of your life as a wage slave.

Deep Thought # 6

Join the U.S. Air Force, and we’ll make all your dreams come tre.

…except for the one about not being complicit in the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians.

Deep Thought # 7

What’s another word for militarizing your police force?

“Terrorism”

Deep Thought # 8

The easiest super power you can learn:

Looking at things from other people’s perspective.

Deep Thought # 9

Excuse me. Can you tell me where I can find Jesus?

Sure, you’ll find him right over there, next to the con artist collecting donations.

Deep Thought # 10

This inspirational pop song makes me feel like a champion with the eye of the tiger who can spread my wings and fly!

I’m so glad I have something to help me pretend like I won’t be a degraded wage slave my entire life.

Deep Thought # 11

Why is Black Friday in America called “Black Friday?”

Because it’s a celebration of everything that’s wrong with American society.

Deep Thought # 12

We’d better not allow cussing or nudity on television.

Because if we allowed that to happen we might have to harp on problems that actually matter.

Deep Thought # 13

Damn, this soda tastes good.

…and by “soda” I mean, over-the-counter addictive poison.

Deep Thought # 14

“If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.”

Women, your period is not a loophole around this rule.

Deep Thought # 15

The two biggest problems in this country are the threat of desperate people losing their guns and rich people losing their tax breaks.

…said no homeless person ever.

Deep Thought # 16

If you elect me president I’ll make all your dreams come true.

…if you’re rich.

Deep Thought # 17

If you have to bitch at your significant other before they even get out of the bed in the morning…

…then you are the problem.

Deep Thought # 18

Because of all your hard work my company has grown into a multi million dollar global corporation.

Too bad I don’t have to compensate you with any of the equity you created.

Deep Thought # 19

Anytime someone thanks me for fighting for their freedom…

I think, man, you lost freedoms during the years I was in the military.

Deep Thought # 20

Why do you keep harping on the issue of poverty?

Because it’s the greatest source of unnecessary misery in the world.

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