Deep thoughts by The Wise Sloth #23


Transcript

Deep Thought # 1

Pleasure is evil and horrible!

Says the miserable curmudgeon who can’t wait to die because they believe they’ll spend the rest of eternity in a permanent state of pleasure.

Deep Thought # 2

These protesters are demanding fair wages and accurate representation in government!

Quick, pepper spray and beat the shit out of these anarchists!

Deep Thought # 3

You know what would be really funny?

If we teach our kids that sex is disgusting and evil as we spend our entire lives chasing sex.

Deep Thought # 4

Poor people who don’t want to work their entire lives are lazy and irresponsible.

Rich people who don’t want to work their entire lives are making the most out of their lives.

Deep Thought # 5

You work 40 hours per week making other people’s lives better? Me too!

Well, try to enjoy your lobster. I’ll try to enjoy my Ramen noodles.

Deep Thought # 6

Forcing everyone to buy health insurance is socialism!

…said no socialist ever.

Deep Thought # 7

You failed your philosophy paper for making up ideas of your own without referencing…

dead philosophers who made up ideas of their own.

Deep Thought # 8

Suburbia is so exciting and fulfilling that I don’t even want to watch television.

…said no suburbanite ever.

Deep Thought # 9

Don’t worry. Here at Wells Fargo we only charge you $10 per month for your checking account if you don’t have at least $300 direct deposited each month.

Well, it’s good to know that you’re only screwing over the poorest of the poor.

Deep Thought # 10

I’m not a gold digger, but I expect my man to make more money than me.

No, you are. You’re a greedy, selfish gold digger with golden vagina syndrome.

Deep Thought # 11

Talking snakes. Talking donkeys. Magic hair. Gods impregnating women and turning water into booze…

Nah, that doesn’t sound like mythology at all.

Deep Thought # 12

Don’t worry, citizen. I’m here for your protection!

And by “your protection” I mean, “to meet my quota.”

Deep Thought # 13

I’m so relieved that you have an excuse for everything…

…and that I can replace you with someone who doesn’t.

Deep Thought # 14

That thing that celebrity did was so shocking and scandalous it’s all everyone is talking about!

Really? It’s more shocking and scandalous than the continent-sized pile of trash floating in our depleted ocean?

Deep Thought # 15

Teacher, if I’m never going to use this information then why are you teaching it to me let alone testing me on it?

Because if I stood up for what’s right I’d just get fired and nothing would change anyway.

Deep Thought # 16

Internet Pro Tip:

When someone asks a question on a forum, don’t post a response saying, “I don’t know.”

Deep Thought # 17

I know this sounds counter intuitive, but…

…yelling at children does not make them better people.

Deep Thought # 18

If you didn’t want your lover to leave you…

…You shouldn’t have treated them like shit.

Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth # 1
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth # 2
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth # 3
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth # 4
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #5
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #6
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #7
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #8
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #9
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #10
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #11
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #12
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #13
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #14
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #15
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #16
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #17
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #18
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #19
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth $20
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #21
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #22

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