why we ride

So I own a 2008 Kawasaki Vulcan 900. That’s a motorcycle for those of you who don’t know. And it’s a bad ass mutha fucka. Beautiful too. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some Vulcan owner out there who has actually fucked his/her bike. Which brings me to the topic of conversation. A lot of people don’t understand bikers. So let me explain.

First off, I want to apologize to all you nonbikers for the bikers who have biker ego…especially the Harley owners who feel the need to rub it in everyone’s face that they ride a Harley…so much so that they slap Harley stickers on everything else that they own. So you ride a bike. We’re all glad you enjoy it, but it doesn’t make you better than everyone else. Furthermore, if you dress in all leather and don’t wear any safety gear you’re a douche bag. Dressing in the same ridiculous clothing as all your friends doesn’t make you unique. It didn’t work for goths and emo kids. It doesn’t work for you. Don’t know if anybody told you that. And forgoing safety gear doesn’t make you a bad ass. It makes you stupid.

So what is the big deal with “riding?” Well, let me tell you. First of all, it’s an adrenaline rush. It gives you the same thrill as surfing -harnessing the massive power of something outside of you and bending it to your will to launch you down the highway at 70 miles an hour. Shit. Kids stick their hands out the windows of cars just to experience an iota of that raw energy surge. If you’ve ever done that you would get a thrill out of riding a motorcycle.

Second, it places you an inch away from death at any given moment. This is the main argument against riding a motorcycle, but there’s slim chance you can use this argument against riding without being a hypocrite. Have you ever been rafting, sky diving, skiing, bungi jumping, watched a horror movie, gone to a haunted house, looked in the mirror and said “Bloody Mary” three times, or done anything remotely scary or dangerous just to bring a thrill to your dull suburban life? Yes. Yes you have. Becaue you need that. Well, if you want to cook that experience down, fill a syringe with it, and mainline that shit through your veins straight to your heart then pick up a bike. You’ll get hooked.

But that’s not all folks. Bikers tend to give off the impression that there’s some philosophical secret to riding a bike that bikers understand and everyone else isn’t getting. If you want to understand this don’t read “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.” That book would have been awesome if it only lasted 30 pages. After that it turns into a psuedo intellectual bullshit fest. That book is an incredible piece of shit. If you liked it then you’re full of shit and you probably also believe people who tell you that shitty cheese and wine tastes good and if you don’t believe your taste buds it’s because you’re unrefined. You know what refined is? Refined is using common sense not to get swindled by an ass hat trying to sell you a bottle of rat piss for $40. But I digress.

There is something philosophical about riding. Riding in a car is the same experience as sitting in your office or living room. It’s a temperature controlled, sterile, familiar environment, and it keeps your life from experiencing anything different as you transition between one controlled, sterile, familiar environment to the other. Riding breaks that up a bit. You don’t pass through your environment unaware. You become a part of it and experience it. As a result it makes you feel alive.

When you experience this alternate universe that you had previously been traveling through yet avoiding like crossing the universe through a worm hole you notice something else. When you’re on the road it’s like traveling through space. You’re in no man’s land. There’s no house people can find you at. There’s no phone they can reach you at. There’s no running into someone you know. It’s like you don’t exist. You’re outside the system. You outside the system of control, and you can go anywhere you want. Hence why bikers always mumble about being free. And the longer you’re on the road the longer you’re free.

Plus, riding a motorcycle saves gas and the insurance is really cheap. Also, did you know that most vehicle insurance companies will give you a 15% discount on your insurance if you take a state sponsored motorcycle safety class regardless of whether you ever ride a motorcycle again because motorcycle drivers are statistically better drivers than non riders because they actually pay attention to what the fuck is going on around them and have a slight appreciation for life?