Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #20

Transcript: 

Thought # 1

Make a reality TV show where metrosexuals enthusiastically redesign strangers” homes for free.
…strangers whose home is the homeless shelter.

Thought #2

Make a reality TV show where rude master chefs belittle aspiring chefs in gourmet cooking competitions.

…and all the judges are starving African refugees.

Thought #3

Hey, did you see that new skin cream commercial?

No, and neither did the several billion people living in abject poverty.

Thought #4

Talk about important things with your friends.

If nobody does then nothing important will ever happen.

Thought #5

Do you own a sports car?

If so than either your or your employer overcharged or underpaid someone else.

Thought #6

Hey buddy, it looks like your higher education system is completely broken.

Awww, that’s okay. I’m sure it won’t turn the job market into a hopeless cluster fuck.

Thought #7

This university will pry open your closed, immature little mind and teach you to think!

Now regurgitate these facts in standard essay format.

Thought #8

You call it “cheating.”

I call it “taking the most direct path between point A and point B.

Thought #9

Note to self: Do not give your boss a list of reasons why you don’t like your job.

Thought #10

If we were at peace before we were born…

I reckon we ought to be able to expect at least that level of peace from death.
How to make your own deep thoughts memes
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Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #8
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #9
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #10
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #11
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #12
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #13
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #14
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #15
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #16
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #17
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #18
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth #19
Deep Thoughts by The Wise Sloth $20

Free Offer: I will analyze the plot structure of your short story

Send me your short stories, and I will analyze their plot structure and give you feedback on how you might be able to structure your plot better. I don’t have any professional credentials, but this offer is free. What I’ll do for you is compare your short story to a formula plot I reverse engineered from analyzing dozens of popular books, movies and sitcoms. I’ll break down your story and show you how it does and doesn’t fit into the formula and offer suggestions of how you can change each segment of your story to fit the formula better. This won’t result in your story sounding formulaic. It simply makes sure your story flows logically and fits consumers’ expectations. Not only should this advice help you improve that specific story, but it should help you understand how to plot stories in general.

Below are links that explain my formula plot template. You won’t have to read all of that to understand my feedback on your story.

The Wise Sloth formula plot template
Formula Plot Storyboard
Notes on writing sitcoms using a formula plot template
8 simple formula plot templates
How to write short sex stories using a formula plot template
Aparable about how to tell a story
How to write a story

You keep all rights to your work, and you can use whatever advice I give you for free. What I get out of this is karma, publicity, and practice further developing  my formula plot templates and my free E-book on writing.

To send me your story go to my Contact Page and copy/paste your story into the contact form there. Then click submit. Make sure to write down your E-mail address so I can respond to you. I’ll probably reply pretty quick, but I can’t promise how long it will take me to reply. This offer will expire at random.

Why would you not masturbate?

There’s no logical reason why masturbating would be bad in any way at all whatsoever. There’s no logical argument for why masturbating would even be icky or tacky. There’s nothing morally wrong or even morally questionable about masturbating. In fact, there’s a lot of good things to be said about masturbating.

The best thing about masturbating is that it’s physically and psychologically healthy. For some lonely men it’s the only exercise they get all day. It gets your heart rate up and circulates your blood while toning as many muscles as you’re willing to use. This little exercise is one of the world’s best stress relievers.  Relieving your anxieties by “rubbing one out” improves your psychological state, whereas if you hadn’t masturbated and were still stressed out your body would be physically suffering under the weight of your bad mood. Stress is a vicious cycle, but it can be treated by enjoying yourself.

There are a lot of people out there who understand this and don’t have any moral qualms about masturbating, but they just don’t do it very often. That doesn’t seem logical. If someone offered you a free massage every day for the rest of your life you’d take them up on that offer and get your massages more often than not. Well? You can massage yourself, and when you massage your genitals it feels a lot better than getting your back massaged. Next to sex and hard drugs masturbating pretty much feels better than anything else you can do. That’s a seriously good time, and it’s free and almost always available.

But wait. There’s more. If you harness the power of your imagination and visualize having sex with someone while masturbating you can teleport your mind into a dream world where you’re fucking the person of your dreams. Everyone wants to fuck the person of their dreams. If you could go to Total Recall and have memories of you fucking the person of your dreams implanted into your head everyone would be doing it. But you don’t have to use scifi technology to alter your brain in order to have that experience. You can just imagine it. It works pretty well.

Regardless of how good your imagination is you can always just look at porn, and that’s a wonderful thing. There’s no logical argument for why porn is bad. There’s no logical justification for naked bodies to be taboo. You’d have to take porn to an extreme excess before it has negative consequences. Some people see porn as degrading, but I see it as a celebration of life. I think it’s nice to know that strangers are making a living by sharing their most intimate life experiences with the rest of the world to enjoy while they have a vulnerable, intimate moment with themselves. If you can’t see the beauty in people sharing themselves openly in their most vulnerable and personal life moments then you’re dead inside. I would go as far as to say that porn is a beautiful and profound art, and it would be a shameful waste if people didn’t appreciate it and masturbate to it.

You recognize beauty in the faces of the people you meet in real life. When you pass a sexually attractive person at the grocery store you get turned on, because your DNA is telling you to have sex with that person. But you can’t go around having sex with every supermodel you pass. However, you can watch the most wonderful, beautiful bodies in the world doing all the things most people will never have a chance to do. If you’re never going to get to have sex with a super model then why pass up the next best thing? There are super models waiting to share themselves with you. Shangri La is waiting for you. There’s no cost/benefit analysis to be done here. There’s just an obvious truth: You should masturbate. If you can involve pornography and/or someone else then so much the better.

You have time to masturbate every day at least after you wake up or before you go to sleep, and it only takes a couple of minutes. If you live with a significant other you can masturbate each other or masturbate together. If you don’t then you’re just passing up an intimate bonding moment….for what? What else do you have to do that’s better than feeling cosmic bliss? You’re wasting your life just sitting there not masturbating. Seize the day, man, because it seems like letting your life pass you by unlived would be a huge slap in the face to the God who gave us this opportunity. If there isn’t a God and that’s all the more reason to get on with enjoying life.

This isn’t rocket surgery. If there’s nothing wrong with masturbating and it’s great in so many ways then… why would you not masturbate?

If you liked or hated this blog you’ll probably feel the same way about these:

How to write short sex stories using a formula plot template

How to go down on a girl

Why I don’t like strip clubs

10 pieces of relationship advice

Stages of a relationship

Stages of friendship

Some relationship advice

How to pick up chicks

Why women like assholes

 

Why it’s bad to be conceited

1. It reflects a lack of understanding of reality.

It doesn’t matter how much you know, how clever you can think, how successful you are, where you’ve been or what you’ve experienced. You don’t know shit about shit. You don’t know what set the universe in motion. You don’t know what all has been happening for the past 4.7 billion years or where the atoms in your body have been in that time. You don’t know the meaning of life or the secret to creating it. You don’t know how backwards your culture is. You don’t know what the leaders of the world are basing their decisions on. You don’t know what anyone else in the world is thinking. You don’t know how all the technology you use every day works, and there are places in this world you wouldn’t survive a day in. You might have mastered a skill, but you’re only good at a handful of them. There are libraries full of things you don’t know. If you walk around congratulating yourself for how smart you are then you have a flawed perception of reality. Your perception of yourself obviously doesn’t take into account the fact that you don’t know shit about shit.

2. Conceit is illogical.

If you believe you’re so elite that you deserve to be praised by others (or at least by yourself) you’re committing a logical flaw, and it’s morally wrong to commit logical flaws. You’re not here to be stupid. You should think correctly and act correctly, not just because that’s sound philosophical reasoning, but also because when you don’t act correctly and it’s obvious to everyone around you then you look like a fool, and people will laugh and sneer at you behind your back. While you go around viewing yourself as a golden god everyone around you will view you as a douche bag, and they won’t want to get close to you or do things for or with you. And to add irony to injury, everyone looks down on conceited people for being too thick to realize that everyone thinks they’re a wanker for worshiping themselves because they’re too blinded by the fact that they worship themselves.

3. Conceit is a waste of time.

Even if you don’t care about philosophy or other people’s opinions there’s still a personal consequence to conceit. Being conceited requires you dedicate a certain percentage of your brain power to thinking about how great you are and analyzing how inferior other people are to you. This takes time, and you only have so much time each day to think about who and what you are, where you’re going, how you’re going to get there and what you’re going to do. In between all that you also have to think about how to navigate your way through your daily routine, and at some point you need to take a break from thinking and just enjoy the experience of being here now. If you want to make the most out of your life you need to use your thinking time wisely, and thinking about how much better than everyone else you are is a waste of time. The cost/benefit analysis doesn’t add up. Sure, you get a warm, fuzzy feeling out of it, but it’s a sadistic, short sighted pleasure. There are greater pleasures in the universe, and there’s more important work that needs to be done for the sake of humanity than patting yourself on the back all day.

If you really did something worth patting yourself on the back for you accomplished it not by thinking about how great you are but by applying your mind to the task in front of you. If you did that and accomplished something great and now you’re patting yourself on the back about it all day then you’re not applying your mind to doing more great stuff. If you’re not moving forward then you’re stagnating and regressing. That will still happen even in an ivory tower.

4. Conceited people are untrustworthy.

You might be a well-credentialed, professionally successful person, but if you’re so conceited that it shows then that says something about the way you look at life. That says something about how you treat people. The only way to get conceited is to obsess over yourself. Anyone who is conceited is the center of their own universe. You can bet that people like that will almost always put their wants and needs before anyone else’s.

There’s about 7 billion people in the world, and there’s more on the way. You only have a short amount of time to find the best people out there to spend your fleeting, irreplaceable life with. Conceited people don’t have what it takes to become true best friends. So as soon as you see someone with their nose up in the air, write them off. They’re not the friend or ally you’re looking for, and if you do end up tangling your lives together then don’t be surprised when it turns out you can’t count on a conceited douche bag to get your back when you’re in a tight spot.

5. You end up hating yourself with the same level of intensity as you love yourself.

Conceit stems from self-obsession. Your narrow mindedness might blind you to a lot of your flaws, but eventually you’re going to fail to live up to your own unrealistically high expectations and you’re going to know it. And since you’re so obsessed with your perfection and you’re so hard on others who fail to live up to those standards you’re inevitably going to treat yourself the same way. Conceited people beat themselves up worse than anyone. So any time you see someone making a spectacle out of patting themself on the back you can be sure their other arm is secretly stabbing their self in the chest. That obsessive self-abuse isn’t mature, responsible or laudable.

Beating yourself up is irresponsible because it has negative real world consequences. Making the most out of your life requires good mental health. You have to be able to think straight and approach life’s challenges with confidence and concentration. As you overcome bigger and bigger challenges you need to keep the presence of mind to enjoy life along the way. Riding an emotional roller coaster where you praise yourself blind and then beat yourself up can only hold you back from fulfilling your potential.

The more you beat yourself up the worse you’re going to feel awful, which is a travesty in and of itself, but long term anxiety will yield a whole new batch of psychological problems. Conceit is like a drug. It makes you feel good for a little bit, but if you do it too much you risk losing yourself in a downward spiral of misery.

So if you ever catch yourself being conceited, stop.

If you liked this blog you may like these:

Why it’s bad to be stupid

 The prime prerogative

Your ability to think obligates you to

7 steps to becoming a genius

Why i don’t like strip clubs

Should reason be considered a legal religion?

Karma ghosts

How to tell someone they’re an asshole

Two Conservative Ladies #10

 

 

 

 

Two Conservative Ladies

• Two Conservative Ladies
• Two Conservative Ladies #2
• Two Conservative Ladies #3
• Two Conservative Ladies #4
• Two Conservative Ladies #5
• Two Conservative Ladies #6
• Two Conservative Ladies #7
• Two Conservative Ladies # 8
• Two Conservative Ladies #9
• An open letter to conservative America
• An open letter to liberal America

Two Positive Ladies

• Two Positive Ladies #1
• Two Positive Ladies #2
• Two Positive Ladies #3
• Two Positive Ladies #4
• Two Positive Ladies #5

Transcript

Comic # 1

Lady #1: You remember when there was a Republican president in office, and we kept screaming about how anyone who questions the president is an evil traitor?

Lady #2: …like it was yesterday.

Lady #1: Then do you remember how after a Democrat president got elected we spent the next 8 years screaming about how the president is the devil and we should revolt against the government?

Lady #2: Of course. That’s practically all we talk about these days.

Lady #1: Do you think when there’s another Republican president we’ll go back to screaming about how it’s immoral to question him?

Lady #2: That’s a silly question. Why would we do anything differently?

Comic # 2

Lady #1: I love corporations and hate politicians more than anything else in the world.

Lady #2: Don’t corporations control all the politicians through campaign financing and lobbyists?

Lady #1: Of course, that’s their God given right.

Lady #2: So you hate the puppet and love the master?

Lady #1: Lordy. Lordy. Don’t nobody better say nothing bad about thu mastah!

Lady #2: Good girl. You get a treat.

Comic # 3

Lady #1: Remind me again why we’re so passionate about gun rights.

Lady #2: It’s out God given right to kill people.

Lady #1: Just to be clear though, guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Right.

Lady #2: Yes…with guns.

Lady #1: Right. Why do we want to use guns to kill people again?

Lady #2: To stop them from taking away our right to kill people with guns.

Comic # 4

Lady #1: What’s more important than ending poverty?

Lady #2: I know the answer. It’s upholding the right to own automatic weapons that were invented by militaries to kill as many people as quickly as possible.

Lady #1: And why is that more important than ending poverty?

Lady #2: Because whatever the person with the gun says is most important…is most important.

Comic # 5

Lady #1: Saying that we don’t need guns to protect ourselves because we have the police is like saying we don’t need fire extinguishers because we have the fire department.

Lady #2: Right. Everyone should own a gun to protect them from… Wait. What are we protecting ourselves from again?

Lady #1: …from all those psychos buying assault rifles at pawn shops, obviously.

Comic # 6

Lady #1: “I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left.”

Lady #2: How lovely. Did you come up with that yourself?

Lady #1: No. My hero, Margaret Thatcher, said that.

Lady #2: So…she’s saying we should stop calling people we disagree with, “libtards?”

Lady #1: Hmmmmm…..no.

Comic # 7

Lady #1: I love Biblical laws so much that I want them to be federal laws, and I’m going to hate on anyone who disagrees.

Lady #2: HOLY SHIT!!!

Lady #1: What????

Lady #2: What about all the Biblical laws that would inconvenience us? Are you going to rage about how they should be forced onto the entire population and spit at people who disagree with them?

Lady #1: I was just going to quietly ignore those.

Lady #2: Ah, lovely.

Comic # 8

Lady #1: What’s a bigger problem than poverty?

Lady #2: Easy. Illegal immigration. We’ve got to stop all these poor Mexicans from risking a dangerous journey across the border to work at inhumane jobs for less than a living wage.

Lady #1: I’m confused. Do we want to stop them because we’re trying to help them or…

Lady #2: Wait. No, that’s not what I meant.

Lady #1: Too late. You said you wanted to help people.

Lady #2: Did not!

Comic # 9

Lady #1: Libtards want this country to be just like Denmark, Sweden or Switzerland. Well I say if you don’t like this country exactly how it is you should just leave.

Lady #2: Okay, well let’s pass laws that make it almost effortless for anyone to emigrate out of the country.

Lady #1: But then what would stop the educated elite or the working wage slave from moving to a country with an objectively higher quality of living?

Lady #2: Nothing.

Lady #1: Yeaaaah. Never mind.

Comic # 10

Lady #1: I’ve been thinking about a new slogan that sums up our political views.

Lady #2: What have you come up with?

Lady #1: “Keep the government out of our boardrooms and inside your bedrooms.”

Lady #2: Maybe you could just leave out that last part that admits we want to take away people’s freedom to be different than us.

Lady #1: Seriously!f? How much longer do we have to keep pretending?