Upcoming blog posts

sloth

I recently let readers vote on which blogs I’ll write next. Below are the results of the survey, and below that are the outlines for those blogs. I’ll be posting them as I get around to them, which will probably be one or two per week. I may also post a few comics that are not on the list.

Even if you don’t get to read all of these essays, it’s still interesting to see which topics are most important to the readers who voted. Personally, I was surprised to see “We never should have made polygamy illegal” in the top 10. I was also surprised to see “Tips on foreplay” and “Ways not to define your self-worth” so low on the list. I was unsurprised see “The confidence talk” at the top of the list and “Why drinking water is important” at the bottom. 

1, The confidence talk
2. How pop culture warps our perception of reality
3. Why you won’t achieve the American Dream
4. Characteristics to look for in a lifelong partner
5. A brief history of the Israel V.S. Palestine Conflict
6. How standardized testing is killing America’s future
7. How suburbia is killing the planet and our souls
8. Things in the Bible that Christians don’t believe
9. How the Baby Boomers created the kids they hate
10. We never should have made polygamy illegal

11. A brief history of economics
12. Reasons to live for something bigger than yourself
13. Tips on making conversation
14. Ways not to define your self-worth
15. Why Disney is evil
16. Think before you make excuses
17. The art of being
18. Financial inequality is the greatest threat to America’s national security
19. Why drinking water is important
20. Get upset about the right things
21. Internet pro tips
22. Examples of institutionalized insanity in American culture
23. The art of submissiveness
24. Tips on foreplay
25. We need to upgrade our office culture
26. We should redo the public holiday calendar

1. The Confidence Talk

Confidence is less about strength of will and more about understanding yourself.
We’re all inherently, equally, infinitely valuable because we’re cosmic miracles.
We’re all lost and faking it. Most people’s confidence is shortsighted.
The meaning of life isn’t to be popular. It’s to be you. If people don’t like you, good. You don’t have to please everyone. You can’t and shouldn’t please everyone.
You’re capable of almost anything you set your mind to.
You’ve been indoctrinated to feel inferior and set up to fail by your political/economic systems.
You’re a product of your environment, but you’re not bound by your environment’s definition of you.
We’re all going to die. Our fears are fleeting.
You’re still alive, and that’s something to be proud of.
Know yourself. Define your wants. Define your values.
Think positive thoughts. Diffuse negative thoughts.
Practice accomplishments.
You can be scared and confident at the same time.
Fake it till you make it.

2. How Pop Culture Warps Our Perception Of Reality

It censors out what really matters and shows you a substanceless fantasy world that you will come to think imitates life. It doesn’t imitate life. It distracts from it.
It occupies your mind. When all you know is sitcoms, you don’t know how to live with purpose.
We learn behavioral values by mimicking authority figures. The authority figures in pop culture are irrational, petty, whitewashed consumer whores. Pop culture appeals to the lowest mental denominators. It normalizes and glorifies ignorant behavior.
Sexual censorship subconsciously shapes your morals. Yet, the sexual morals that are censored in pop culture aren’t negative. Suppressing them is though.
Entertainment news isn’t news. It’s mental oppression.
Commercials = brainwashing
Pop culture glorifies the rich and gives false hope/confidence to the poor. Pop culture normalizes and glorifies an oppressive financial caste system.
Time spent on the couch is time not spent changing the world.

3. Why You Won’t Achieve The American Dream

The American dream is to have a good job, full pension, retirement savings, good health, own your own house, have a loving spouse and loving, successful children. Not gonna happen.
Your parents are poor, which will immediately lower your health and intelligence before you learn to walk.
Your parents will probably be divorced and will have to work all the time. You’ll grow up without the nurturing and lessons you need. Your parents will be stressed out and treat you worse than they would have if they lived secure, stress free lives with plenty of free time.
You’ll be stuck in suburbia, bored, anxious, unfulfilled and unedified. You’ll turn to television, video games, drugs and getting in trouble to amuse yourself. You’ll get dumber, unhealthier, and accustomed to bad habits.
Your future will depend on your grades at school, but you’ll be surrounded by poor, stressed out, doped up, children who were raised on the values of television. They’ll distract you from learning and indoctrinate you with television-based beliefs that are counterproductive to life.
Your teachers will teach to standardized tests that don’t fit your personality type. You won’t retain knowledge, and you won’t be able to regurgitate it the way they want it regurgitated. Your grades will suffer, and this will effect your chances of getting a job.
You probably won’t be taught finance or any important life lessons. You’ll be taught useless shit that you’re congratulate yourself for being a genius for knowing. Then you’ll walk around an arrogant moron.
You’ll probably spend a lot of time playing sports or working a minimum wage job instead of bettering yourself.
If you don’t go to college, that’s it. Your life is going to suck forever. If you do go to college, you’ll go into a lifetime of debt. You’ll also learn how to be an educated fool and an alcoholic.
You’ll spend the rest of your life job hopping, restarting at the bottom every time. You’ll work for arrogant morons who believe that profits are more important that people. You’ll be disposable. You’ll be used and taken for granted your entire life. You’ll be indoctrinated with either an inferiority or superiority complex.
You’ll spend most of your life working at a job you don’t like. That will be your life. That’s where you’ll spend the wonder years.
You’ll waste half a lifetime of paychecks on rent. If you buy a house, you’ll have to go into a lifetime of debt to pay for it. This will stress you out, and you’ll be lucky to ever pay it off. More likely, you’ll lose half a lifetime of paychecks to a mortgage that didn’t pan out.
You’ll be brainwashed by television to spend most of your money on shit you don’t need, like a real fancy vehicle. This will make you poor and limit your options. You’ll go on very few vacations. You’ll spend most of your life trapped in your well-furnished suburban, white collar prison.
You family life will be in shambles. It won’t be as good as it could be due to constant working and stress.
Your health will fail due to your toxic suburban lifestyle, and you’ll spend your golden years managing a degenerative disease that will bankrupt you.
You’ll die sick, broken, poor, stressed, bored, lonely and unfulfilled.
America is not designed to make your dreams come true. It’s designed to exploit you to death.

4. Characteristics To Look For In A Romantic Partner

They’re responsible at work.
They’re responsible at home.
They take care of their body.
They’re proactively engaged in a lifelong quest for knowledge and growth.
They’re able to take criticism and accept responsibility for their actions.
They think rationally.
They’re not self-centered, demanding or judgmental
They have the same or compatible domestic goals.
They have the same or compatible interests and passions.
They have the same or compatible spiritual and political beliefs.
You could talk to them (and not talk to them) forever.
They treat you with kindness.
They build you up.

5. A Brief History Of The Israel V.S. Palestine Conflict

According to the Bible, the Jews were promised Israel. They slaughtered the local inhabitants and stole the land. Then they slaughtered their neighbors and stole their land.
Rome captures Israel in 63 BCE.
Rome and Israel convert to Christianity.
Saladin captures Israel in 1187.
Before WWII was over, the Jews were already planning on taking Israel back, regardless of who was there.
With the backing of the U.S. and U.N., Jews invaded Palestine and slaughtered thousands.
Over the course of the next 60 years, the Palestinians were slaughtered and corralled into concentration camps. Their houses and farms were bulldozed to build suburbs for foreign Jews.
The Palestinians fought back but were outgunned and outvoiced in the media.
The rest of the Muslim world views the Jews as genocidal, and they resent America for its involvement. They see it as an attack on Islam.
Palestinian terrorism will end when their genocide is complete. Then the whole world will collectively say, “Oops.” And the Palestinian people will be nothing more than a Wikipedia entry under atrocities we should all be ashamed of.

6. How Standardized Testing Is Killing America’s Future

Standardized testing requires standardized teaching. Most humans are not designed to be bureaucratic boxed in office rats. So they don’t retain or regurgitate information easily, which sets them up to be a failure in life even though they’re not.
Bureaucratic boxed in office rats rise to the top while good people suffer and come to base their self-worth on underserved rank.
The economy doesn’t get the right people in the right jobs. It gets the wrong people in the wrong jobs, and that holds back humanity’s progress.
Schools waste precious time focusing on teaching testing skills, reviewing for tests, testing and going over tests. Schools fail to teach students, which creates a society of idiots with degrees who make bad neighbors.
Standardized testing is expensive to administer, and parents pay for it. They require tons of meetings, which parents pay for. When schools fail, testing companies come in and restructure and train the school, which accomplishes less than nothing, bankrupts the school and is paid for by the parents.
The only winners in standardized testing are standardized testing companies, which are the exact people who lobbied your corrupt elected official to sell out your children’s future to cannibalistic testing companies. Standardized testing is shooting children in the head so a cannibal can buy a bigger house. When you shoot American children in the head, you shoot America’s future in the head.

7. How Suburbia Is Killing The Planet And Our Souls

Creating and maintaining suburbia is killing the planet.
Pave all the things
Strip mining
Factories
Infrastructure
Pollution
Urban sprawl and loss of independent sustainability
Living in Suburbia is killing the human race
Isolation- Psychological, boredom, loss of independence, commuting, leads to television, which leads to ignorance and delusion
Homogenous
Toxic
Oppressively expensive
Dangerous because of desperation

8. Things in the Bible Christians Don’t Believe

God is a genocidal, murdering psychopath.
Children are property and should be beaten.
Women are property and should be silent and sold into slavery.
Adulterers should be stoned to death.
Slavery is ordained and facilitated by God.
All the other silly rules in the Old Testament.
The creation story.
The Ten Commandments.
The importance of family lineage.
That faith will protect you.
The infallibility of the Bible.
That the creator of the universe lived in a temple and demanded blood sacrifices.

9. How the Baby Boomers Created the Kids They Hate

They beat us.
They raped us.
They bought us TVs and video games and then abandoned us
They raised us on fairy tales.
They fed us processed shit.
They drugged us.
They created a sociopathic, bureaucratic hell for us to live in.
They painstakingly indoctrinated into our heads that we were entitled to freedom and prosperity
They kicked us out at 18.
They still treat us like second class citizens and get surprised when we object.
They left us to die in the streets while they retired in relative comfort.
They control the political system that we’re powerless to influence, and they’re using their power to oppress the many for the benefit of a few.

10. We Never Should Have Made Polygamy Illegal

If you believe that polygamy degrades the spiritual purity of marriage, then you’re delusional. You’re literally insane. You have no understanding of the history of marriage.
There isn’t and never has been one form of marriage that worked demonstrably better than all others. In fact, what works best is to adapt your behavior to the needs of the local environment. This has happened throughout history with positive results.
Modern, Western marriage is supposed to be based on the word of God, but it isn’t. Historically, religions viewed women as property and second class citizens. Polygamy and incest were also common and celebrated.
The modern, western concept of love evolved secularly as a response to a changing environment.
Criminalizing polygamy now is just cut and dry oppression. It accomplishes nothing but frustrating, demeaning and destroying people’s lives.
Legalizing polygamy will have no negative repercussions for anyone. It will only have positive repercussions and reflect an enlightened value of individuality, adaptability, love and freedom.
We’ll never live in utopia as long as we’re taking people’s freedoms away for subjective, fantasy-based reasons.

11. A Brief History of Economics

Hunting/gathering- sharing and bartering
Political/economic dictators- Egypt
City states- tradesmen, guilds, slavery
Land owners = ruling class – Dark ages of Europe and Russia
Imperialization and colonialization
The first wave of predatory capitalism and globalization
The rise and fall of Communism and Socialism
The rise of American imperialism and global predatory capitalism
The big win for the 1%, the future of oppression and the death of the planet.

12. Reasons To Live For Something Bigger Than Yourself

There are certain philosophers and philosophies who advocate being as selfish as possible. There are also certain environments and economies that reward the selfish and punish the selfless. While there are healthy, positive reasons to be a little selfish sometimes, it’s not always rewarding to be selfish. You’re not the center of the universe, and acting like you are will hurt you more in the long run that it will help you. It’s not weak, ignorant or wasteful to live for something bigger than yourself.
Closing yourself off from the world on your selfish, ivory tower cuts you off from humanity.
Your interpersonal connections with others are more rewarding, memorable, profound and edifying than possessions.
Sharing is friendship.
Helping is happiness.
People need your help, and people are important. Humanity needs your help, and humanity is important… more important than you.
Nobody else can do what you do?
The world will get worse for you if you don’t help.
You owe a war debt, and you could possibly be grateful to the power that created you.
There may be a god who will judge you.
Your present will be your past for all eternity.

13. Tips On Making Conversation

Talking isn’t a competition. It’s an opportunity.
People would rather talk about their own interests than listen to your life story.
Nobody wants to hear you brag. Don’t one-up people’s stories.
Nobody wants to hear about your problems. In fact, don’t bitch about anything.
Flattery will get you everywhere.
Your name is the sweetest sound you can hear in any language.
Actively listen.
Don’t auto-contradict or play the devil’s advocate. You’re not clever, and you’re not teaching anyone anything. You’re just being an annoying wanker.
You can disagree respectfully and earn respect.
Don’t interrupt.
Keep your comments relevant.
You don’t have to lie to kick it.
Cops, blood, sex and drugs
Your name is the sweetest sound in any language.
Always have a few jokes up your sleeve.

14. Ways Not To Define Your Self-Worth

By how much smarter/dumber you are than everyone else
By the size of your bank account
By how much power you have over other people
By how much power other people have over you
By your beauty or lack thereof
By your rank or lack thereof
By your age or lack thereof
By your success/failure rate
By how much you’re mistreated
By what your parents think of you
By what ancient mythology says you’re worth
By what you think of you

15. Why Disney Is Evil

Values money more than people. Exploits parents by exploiting children.
High prices.
Mouschawitz- long hours, low pay, soda machine rumor,
Cruise lines overwork employees and may cover up negligent deaths.
Warps public perception of gender and social roles.
WW II propaganda- familiarity with propaganda and collusion with the government to manipulate public consciousness.
The entitled princess syndrome
Celebrates violence while condemning sex while simultaneously, subconsciously promoting sex
Trains children to be consumer whores.
Trains children to accept and glorify rulers/authority while also celebrating and normalizing poverty
Love worship
Disney Television is a trainwreck of values
Sanitized/neutered adults
Petty/beautiful heroes
Celebrating Ignorance
Oversimplifying life’s problems and outright ignoring the biggest issues
Perpetual oblivious optimism

16. Think Before You Make Excuses

Excuses sound good on paper, but they usually only get you out of trouble in your own head. Your excuse can sound perfectly logical and just, yet you can still be wrong. The quicker, more intense and more often you make excuses, the more likely you are to be wrong.
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who always have excuses and those who don’t need to make excuses.
Excuses may get you out of trouble, but they enable your irresponsibility, and they prevent you from improving yourself.
You should have pointed out and found solutions to your own problems before someone else did.
You’ll destroy the relationships that your quality of life depends on.
Excuses get old quickly. Accountability is respectable.
People will like you more if you just fix your flaws and stop making excuses. You’re definitely not impressing God.
You shouldn’t want people to have to suffer for your mistakes or have to listen to your excuses.
Excuses are a waste of everyone’s time. They’re a sign of weakness, not righteousness.

17. The Art of Being

Birth spits you out running and lost. Nobody is prepared for it. It takes everyone by surprise when they’re off balance. Life throws everything at us every day.
Sometimes life hands you peace. Usually it doesn’t. In order to have control over your life you have to take control. In order to take control of your life you have to take control of your mind.
You’re a wobbling plate that needs to be balanced before you can spin it manually.
Begin balancing/focusing in the morning, ideally. Top up when you need to. Take a break when shit gets crazy.
Relax and breathe deeply.
Clear your thoughts.
Focus on the present. Be here now.
Use mantras and positive affirmations to direct your mind.
Articulate your goals/principles. Use lists to keep you focused.
Question your answers. Never stop searching for truth and growth.

18. Financial Inequality Is The Greatest Threat to America’s National Security

Chances of dying in a terrorist attack=
Chances of dying in combat=
Percent of population living under the poverty line=
Cost of a college education=
Average job pays=
Percent of the population who can afford a college education=
How long it takes to pay off a college degree=
Average cost in utility bills=
Average amount of taxes paid by individuals=
Chances of you understanding your taxes= minimal
Average cost in government/police fines=
Average markup for the cost of a product=
Average cost of rent=
Average cost of a mortgage=
Average time it takes to pay off a mortgage=
Percentage of foreclosures=
Size of homeless population and number of foreclosed homes=
Percentage population who file for bankruptcy=
Percentage of population who file for bankruptcy because of medical bills=
Percentage of military personnel who go bankrupt because of medical costs=
Average retirement pay=
Average social security pay=
Average size of an America’s savings account=
Average CEO pay=
Worth of top 1%=
Cost to taxpayers to destroy all the Occupy Wall Street protests=
Cost of the war on terror=
How many homes, schools and hospitals could have been built with that plus the accumulated wealth of the 1%=

19. Why Drinking Water Is Important

There are 1 trillion cells in your body. 70% of a cell is cytoplasm (water), which accounts for about 70% of your body mass, and they’re all replaced about every 90 days.
Every cell is a tiny factory. They each contain a power plant that needs to be fed and cooled. So each cell has parts that bring in food, break it down, store what’s needed and remove any unneeded materials. As the cell consumes proteins and creates waste that needs to be removed. When the cell dies, it needs to be removed and replaced. Every step requires water.
Another 28% of your body mass is fluid like bile, acid, saliva, mucus, blood and lymph. They all contain water. There’s a little over a gallon of blood in your body, which weighs about 10 pounds, and it’s all replaced about every 30 days.
Digestion requires water to move food through your body. Water molecules bond to waste products and remove them. Water molecules bond to enzymes and nutrients. They allow our bodies to break down matter at the atomic level.
Without water your body can’t create or transport energy. It can’t eliminate wastes. Everything breaks down. All it takes is one night of heavy drinking to dehydrate your body so completely that it uses the water in the your dura mater, which causes your brain to bump into your skull and give you a massive headache. Long term dehydration will lower your quality of life and shorten your lifespan.
Drink 2 liters or half a gallon a day. The more your body does, the more water it needs.

20. Get Upset About the Right Things

People get very emotionally upset about unimportant issues. They exert considerable time and energy arguing about things like celebrities, sports, movies and television, cars, morning DJ issues, gossip, drama, political side issues, grammar Nazis, exception to the rules devil’s advocates, etc.
Before you argue or condemn a statement or an issue, ask yourself what the outcome of winning will be. You probably won’t convince the other person they’re wrong. You’ll probably convince them they’re right and you’re an asshole. So what else do you gain? Probably nothing but wasting everyone’s time and normalizing a non-issue while distracting from a real one.
In order to rank how important an issue or argument is, figure out where it fits in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in relation to your life as well as humanity in general while also taking into consideration all the other problems in the world. This is not an unreasonable chore. This is you becoming sane.
Survival- The most important problems in the world are the ones threatening your survival as well as humanity’s. Until those are fixed, almost everything else is a waste of time. The greatest threat is the economy.
Safety-
Love/Belonging-
Esteem-
Self-Actualization-
What you can do, you have the responsibility to do, for your sake as well as humanity’s. It’s not a burden of responsibility. It’s an opportunity to improve.

21. Internet Pro Tips

If it doesn’t work, turn it off and then back on again.
If you’re still having issues, empty your temporary internet files.
Get antimalware and antivirus protection
Don’t download or open anything unless you know exactly what it is.
Research the best web browser to use.
Don’t be a dick.
The faster and more explosively you disagree with someone the more likely you’re wrong.
Don’t argue. It doesn’t matter, and nobody cares. You’ll accomplish nothing.
Don’t think you’re proving anything by nitpicking details. You’re just talking to be right about something.
Don’t rush to be offended.
Don’t troll.
Don’t lower the intellectual bar.
If you don’t have anything to say then don’t say anything.
Ctr+A, Ctr+C, Ctr+V = Win
There’s a world of information at your fingertips. Superpowers are just a few clicks away.
Donate to Wikipedia.

22. Examples Of Institutionalized Insanity In American Culture

Insanity is irrationality, American embraces a lot of that.
Fear of sex and pleasure. Censorship.Censoring Cussing

The military caste system. Turning sane men suicidal through brainwashing- Stockholm syndrome, battered person syndrome, killing without knowing why, given PTSD and no treatment

Military worship
Political Spin- elections, the war on drugs, white house press briefings, Fox News, impotent liberal news,
Religion
Pseudo-religious holidays
Price gouging and sale worship
Economic caste system
Banking- mortgages, interest rates, insane fees
Consumer whore-ism
TV consumption

23. The Art Of Submissiveness

Some people don’t understand submissiveness in sex. Believe sex should be dignified, drenched in loving kindness and sweetness.
Most women don’t want to be degraded or forced to submit in public. However, most women want at least some of that some of the time in the bedroom.
Why? Some women do have deep rooted insecurities, and they believe they deserve to be punished. They want to hurt themselves by letting someone else hurt them.
Everyone has a psychological need for structure and security. Deep down we all want to be controlled by an authority figure. It gives us a euphoric release. Even concentration camp victims, boot camp victims, prison victims and domestic violence victims can feel euphoria from being held captive and abused.
Because evolution and the ironic state of safety and security it places women in.
Because it’s empowering to women. The more he does to her, the more she did to him to get him to that point.
Because it’s nice to let go and be lazy and be ravished sometimes.
Because fuck social pressure to be in control all the time.
Some girls are just freaky nasty cum sluts, and that’s okay.
How? It’s a total mind-body experience. Sex shouldn’t always be all dominant or all submissive. Set a tone, and make your dominance work within it.
Set the stage before clothes come off by telling, not asking. If you have a safe word, you won’t get in trouble for rape (hopefully). Be firm and take charge.
Undress her and make her undress you. Ask and give permission.
Make demands and administer punishment for misbehavior.

24. Tips On Foreplay

What is foreplay, and why is it important? – Emotional, Psychological, wetness and edging
Foreplay never really ends… ever.
Foreplay can begin hours before touching begins. Touching should usually last at least 10 minutes.
Set the mood by manipulating the environment.
Setting the tone through body language- love, pampering, domination, straight forward, teasing, playful, flipflopping
The importance of dialogue and what to say.
Undressing
Exhibitionism
Kissing
Touching
Toys
Fellatio, cunnilingus, hand jobs and fingering
Submissiveness and domination

25. We Need To Upgrade Our Office Culture

Working in a cubicle office sucks. Nobody would choose to pay to live like that. It’s not an opportunity. It’s a death sentence.
Sanitized “Full House” culture is unhealthy, degrading, dehumanizing, unfun and unnecessary. Censored speech, decorations, and clothes
Cubicle deprivation syndrome
Work shitty hours as hard, fast and long as possible.
Spend more time reporting what you’ve done than doing your job
The military dictator hierarchy, “Gun to your head” management style is stressful and dehumanizing.
Forced groveling
You’re a disposable wage slave, and yet you’re forced/manipulated into having team spirit.
Swift and severe punishment.
As few benefits as possible.
Commuting sucks.
We need a monastery based economy.

26. We Should Redo The Public Holiday Calendar

Our existing holidays are literally insane. Literally. They encourage irrational thinking, and their potential productivity is lost in mythology. They’re also haphazardly placed throughout the year. They need to be arranged better. We should also get rid of day lights savings time and remove the extra “r” from February.
We need evenly spaced, sane, to-the-point holidays.
January- New Year’s. Don’t need to change that.
February- Romance Day- Give your lover what they want day
March- Civil Rights Day- Protest Day
April- Remembrance Day- Do Something Day
May- Worker’s Day- Strike Day
June- Party Day
July- World Unity Day
August- Personal Growth Day
September- Science Day
October- Costume Day
November- Food Day
December- Family Day

This Was Your Life: The Faith Healer

Note: There is a transcript of this comic at the bottom of the page.

Faith Healer

If you liked or hated this comic, you’ll probably feel the same way about these:

Transcript

Loki and his friend stand in front of an opening in an endless, waist-high, white picket fence on an endless cloud. There is a hole in the fence near them for people to walk through. Loki and his friend are wearing blue jump suits and green hats. Loki has a long white beard.

Loki: So then I said to Jormungandr, “That’s what your mom said.”

Stranger: Hahahaah

A man in an orange work vest approaches the hole in the gate.

Faith Healer: Take me into the light, great spirit.

Loki: What the deuce?

Stranger: Hey, who goes there?

Faith Healer: Where am I? Are you my spirit guides?

Loki: We’ll ask the questions here. Who the hell are you, and what are you doing here?

Faith Healer: My name is Moon Child, and I passed here from the other side. I’m looking for the spirit who will guide me to the next plane of existence.

Loki: Well, we guard the pearly gates that lead to the afterlife.

Faith Healer: Uh, so where are the pearly gates?

Loki: You’re looking at them.

Stranger: Yeah, after people stopped worshiping ocean gods, the pearl started confusing people. So…

Loki: Periodically we update the gates to fit with the times.

Faith Healer: Oh, okay. Well, can I come in?

Loki: The problem with that is, you’re not even supposed to be here. So we need to figure out what happened to you first.

Stranger: How did you die?

Faith Healer: Oh, I died of an easily treatable pancreatic tumor.

Loki: Ah, that’s the source of confusion. You weren’t supposed to die for another 37 years.

Stranger: How you died is insignificant, but we need to understand why you died before we can decide where to send you.

Faith Healer: Surprisingly, none of the treatments I used cured my disease. So I just dropped dead at work.

Loki: Hmmm. That’s odd. What treatments were you using?

Faith Healer: I tried everything from homeopathy to reflexology, accupressure, reiki, shiatsu, crystal therapy, craniosacral therapy, magnetic bracelets, laying of hands, oiji boards, faith healing… the list goes on.

Loki: Well no wonder you died. All of those treatments you just mentioned are completely useless outside of the placebo effect.

Faith Healer: What!? You guys are so close minded. How dare you diss pseudo-scientific medical treatments. They absolutely work, and that’s a fact.

Stranger: Oh? If those treatments are so factually accurate, then why doesn’t the mainstream scientific community embrace them?

Faith Healer: Because the scientific community is a bunch of close-minded A-holes who are involved in a conspiracy to reject alternative medicine so they can sell more expensive drugs that don’t do anything but hurt you worse.

Loki: Oh my God! This is huge news! This changes everything!

Stranger: Quick, give us the reproducible, double-blind, peer-reviewed experiments you’re basing your conclusions on so we can show them to everyone and set the world straight.

Faith Healer: Okay. There a ton of famous gurus who agree that all of this is true, and people have been using these methods for thousands of years. So they must be true.

Stranger: I must not have made myself clear. I wasn’t asking for logical fallacies. I was asking for reliable evidence.

Faith Healer: Like I was saying, there’s tons of evidence out there that backs up the effectiveness of non-traditional and faith-based healing methods.

Loki: Such as…

Faith Healer: There’s all these books that state my preconceived conclusions as fact, and there’s people all over the world who believe in it too. So you’d be stupid to doubt it.

Loki: *sigh*

Faith Healer: Just look at all the emotionally inciting case studies alone. There was that one amputee who grew their arm back after praying to God. I heard of another lady who was cured of crippling back pains after a charismatic millionaire preacher laid hands on her. So what do you have to say about that?

Loki: The amputee thing never happened… ever.

Stranger: And the person with lower back pain was already seeing a doctor. More importantly though, she changed her lifestyle after being told she’d burn in hell if she didn’t. She just allowed her body to heal itself.

Faith Healer: You guys sound like a couple of arrogant, meat-eating atheists. You’re all, “Oooh, I want fact-based evidence. Ooooh.”

Stranger: Hold on. Now I’m really confused.

Loki: Yeah, you’re kind of acting like you don’t believe in science, which is weird.

Stranger: Because you totally do believe in science.

Loki: You believe the earth rotates around the sun. You believe in atoms. You believe in the technology that runs the internet, and you believe in the science behind poison labels.

Stranger: But when it comes to medicine and spirituality you just don’t seem to give a crap about scientific rigor.

Faith Healer: Excuse me, Judgey Micjudgerton, but what does science have to do with the afterlife?

Stranger: A lot, actually.

Loki: You see, when you’re alive your brain grows, and your personality grows with it. When you die, your personality is set for all eternity.

Stranger:If you strive to be a mature, intelligent, sane person then that’s how you get to spend eternity.

Loki: But if you never push yourself you end up spending your whole life and all eternity as an impetuous, irrational child.

Stranger: Sort of like Edward and Bella from the “Twilight” series.

Loki: Science itself is just knowledge of your environment, but scientific thinking is sane thinking.

Stranger: Which means you’re basically bat shit crazy, and now you always will be.

Loki: Not only that, but you’re also going to spend eternity with other people of the same mental caliber as you.

Stranger: Paradise and Utopia are defined by the quality of people you find there, and your ignorance would degrade the sane people’s experience.

Loki: So we’re going to have to ostracize you with the rest of your kind.

Faith Healer: Whatever. I’ve always said I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. I’d much rather spend my time with people like me instead of a bunch of stuffy elitists.

Loki: You say that because you have no frame of reference to understand what it’s like to be sane and complete. I assure you, you’re missing out bigger than you’ll ever know.

Faith Healer: Now hold it right there, mister…

Loki: Silence mortal. We’ve heard enough. Judgement has been passed.

Stranger: We will now summon your spirit guide, which will escort you to the realm of kidults. AYE AYE AYE AYE AYE AYE AYE AYE!

A gremlin appears in a fiery explosion.

Gremlin: Why did you jerks call me? I’m on vacation with my family in Aruba.

Stranger: Your client showed up 37 years early.

Gremlin: Typical. Well, buddy, I’m taking you on what I like to call, “the scenic route” to the afterlife. Let’s go.

The gremlin leaves with the man.

Stranger: What a waste of potential.

Loki: Such a shame.

Stranger: So, do you know what “the scenic route” is?

Loki: That’s where you get to see what your life would have been like if you had applied yourself.

Stranger: Ouch. That’s gonna hurt.

The End.

It’s okay to be lost

not all who wander are lost

There are religions which teach that you were born lost, impure, unworthy, unchosen and in need of salvation. The cure to your fatal disease is to accept and follow the set of beliefs and behaviors outlined in whichever book informed you of your inadequacy. In return for your loyalty, you’re promised that after you die you’ll be spared from a torturous eternal fate you supposedly deserve and get to spend eternity in a vaguely defined paradise.

If you accept this explanation of life, then the path before you will be simple. You just have to keep believing in what you were told and keep following the rules. You can pretty much just relax and wind down the clock on autopilot, and you’ll never have to worry about figuring out the answers to any of life’s big questions yourself. This makes religion sound appealing, but the benefits don’t actually outweigh the cost, because all of the religions humans have invented are simply human inventions. They’re all mythology.

Facing the fact that religion is mythology is terrifying for believers for several profound reasons. First, it means you’ve been lied to and used by the person you thought was your savior, which is too emotionally traumatic for many believers to even consider. Worse than that though, when you lose your religion, you lose your purpose in life and your moral compass. Life is existentially depressing and hopeless if you’re not living with purpose, and it’s confusing if you don’t have a compass. Since you still need answers to life’s questions, if you don’t have a religious book to look them up in, that means you’re responsible for figuring them all out for yourself.

We all know we’re not prophets or Einsteins. We know we don’t have the intelligence or authority to figure out the ultimate meaning of life. This means after you figure out that religion is wrong, you can’t just trade in all your wrong answers for all the right answers. You just lose you’re moral compass and spend the rest of your life lost.

A lot of theists would rather live a comfortable lie than face a lifetime of being lost, not just because it’s scary, but because they view being lost as a sign of weakness, a character flaw that needs to be stamped out. The cold, hard reality of the world we live in, is that we’re born lost, and we’re destined to wander the universe lost until we die. We’ll all face death not knowing what happens afterwards or if our actions mattered. Once you accept that, you can cope with the situation sanely. But denying the reality of the situation only cripples your ability to cope with it, and that’s the definition of insanity. These blogs explain the fantasy-based nature of Christianity in more detail:

Believing in mythology is like trying to hike across America using a maritime chart of the Indian Ocean for directions. Plus, you’re stuck with a traveling companion who forces you to act the way Indian fishermen acted 2000 years ago, and he constantly tells you you’re not good enough. Accepting that you’re lost, and looking at the universe from an honest, scientific perspective, is like hiking around America with a wilderness survival guide, and your traveling companion is Sherlock Holmes.

If you’re losing faith in mythology, and you’re worried about what to do with your life after you throw away your map of the Indian Ocean, just climb to the top of a mountain, and look down at the forests and fields below you. Not one single tree, flower, or blade of grass is stressing about what to do with their life. They’re just drinking in the universe and reaching for the skies. If you were to look at yourself, standing on top of a mountain, eye-level with the clouds, you’d realize you’re already doing the exact same thing, and it’ll make you feel so alive, that the last thing on your mind will be death.

Of course, everyone can’t spend their whole life meditating on a mountaintop, but why would you want to when there are so many other experiences to be had, problems to be solved and wonderful people to be met? Frankly, you were going to spend your whole life chasing experiences anyway, whether you claim to believe in religion or not. You can just do it more effectively when you’re not blinded, gagged and crippled by fictional, mythological beliefs.

You can look at the mystery of life as an eternal curse, or you can look at it as an endless opportunity. The universe might not look as scary if you focused on how amazing it is. Maybe we’re not even really lost. Maybe we’re already home, or maybe this is what it’s like to leave the nest. Maybe what we’re supposed to be doing is using the tools we were given to fulfill our potential and not just sit around on our knees talking to ourselves and beating ourselves up for failing to live up to the moral standards of primitive cultures.

If you want to know more about living well without mythology, you may find these posts useful:

Reasons to be kind outside of religion

A cosmic appreciation for life

Think about this. Everything that exists in the universe is made of atoms, which are made of energy vibrations, which have been rearranging themselves according to brilliant mathematical equations for about 14 billion years. This energy is inanimate, and yet it possesses the instructions and power to assemble itself into living, breathing, reproducing, feeling, supercomputers that are supported by a growing, healing frame that’s wrapped in layers of pulleys and levers that work in tandem to create an acrobatic range of motion. Human beings are cosmic mysteries, 14 billion years in the making.

Reality is amazing. If you’re not impressed by life or the universe then you’re not paying attention. To anyone who is paying attention, it’s blatantly obvious that life is infinitely valuable. You don’t need a prophet to tell you that it’s wrong to hurt or kill people. You just need to open your eyes and appreciate life.

We’re all we’ve got.

Healthy babies will die in their cribs if they’re never touched. Solitary confinement is considered cruel and unusual punishment even for violent criminals.Nobody wants to spend the rest of their life alone, and everyone’s best memories are of times they spent with the people they loved. We need each other to survive, and we’re all we’ve got.

Sam Harris may have said it best when he said, “Consider it: every person you have ever met, every person will suffer the loss of his friends and family. All are going to lose everything they love in this world. Why would one want to be anything but kind to them in the meantime?”

If you’re looking for a reason to care about people, just go look someone in the eyes, and watch them looking back at you, affirming your existence. If you ever get lonely, you can go talk to that person, and they’ll share a whole universe of ideas and stories with you. They’ll make you laugh, cry, shout, relax, orgasm and all around live. They’re a reflection of yourself and a portal to another world. As cruel as people can be, we all know from personal experience that people are worth living for and protecting.

The war debt

Countless soldiers have died horrific, selfless deaths protecting your ancestors. Countless civilians have dedicated their entire lives to studying the universe, solving problems and improving the world those soldiers died protecting. Everyone who has ever held a job is a cog in the machine that turned the savage wilderness into cities with electricity and plumbing. Granted, there have been a lot of horrible, selfish people who left the world a worse place than they found it, but that just means we owe even more of a debt of gratitude to the people who carried the slackers’ share of the burden.

Even if our actions don’t have any consequences in the afterlife, it’s still logical to be grateful when someone does something nice for you. We stand on the shoulders of giants, and we owe a lifetime of gratitude to every one of our ancestors who fought, worked and died so we could have a better life than they did. The best way we can show our gratitude to them is to continue their legacy and improve the world for future generations. The very least we can do is not be mean and tear down the world we were given.

Fulfilling humanity’s potential

It’s not a burden of responsibility to strive to make the world better by doing things as small as being kind to strangers or as big as devoting your life to curing cancer. It’s an opportunity to be a part of something amazing and meaningful. Look at how far humans have come in 10,000 years. We went from living in caves to flying to the moon. Humanity’s knowledge and skills have been increasing at an exponential rate, and we’re very close to reaching a tipping point in technology that will revolutionize civilization more than the invention of the steam engine or the internet. That’s worth being a part of just because it’ll be fun, and it’s not like we have anything better to do. Why not play a part in fulfilling humanity’s potential?

Sure, we might not personally reap all the benefits, but at least we can enter eternal sleep with a clear conscience, and we can rest well knowing our descendants will have a better life than we did. And if you’re having trouble finding meaning in life outside of religion, or you’re still a little worried about your actions being judged after death, you can find relief in making the world a better place. If it turns out that life really is meaningless, and nothing matters, at least you’ll have spent your life feeling good about your actions.

A spiritual but not religious apreciation for the divine

Agnostics and people who are “spiritual but not religious” are willing to concede that there may be some force somewhere in the universe that fits some definition of the word, “God.” If there is a God, it would be nice to know it’s true name, but we play the hand we’re dealt, and agnostics are comfortable with appreciating The Artist’s work without knowing The Artist’s name. That simple, general sense of gratitude and respect for a vaguely defined, theoretical God still tends to inspire half-believers to treat God’s creations with respect and reverence.

Many half-believers also speculate that God is everywhere and that humans are a reflection of God. Without outright believing in those two statements, the mere possibility of them being true still motivates some nonreligious people to respect life as much (if not more) than anyone who believes in ancient mythology.

Pascal’s Wager (modified)

Blaise Pascal posed the question (and I’m paraphrasing), “Isn’t it safer to believe in Jesus and be wrong, than to not believe in Jesus and be wrong?” This question is illogical for at least two reasons. First, Christianity is easily falsifiable. It’s blatantly mythology. Being a Christian doesn’t require faith in the absence of evidence. It requires active denial of reality in the face of overwhelming evidence.  Secondly, believing in Christian mythology is no more logical than believing in Buddhist or Hindu mythology. So there’s no advantage to picking Christianity over any other random mythology.

Still, the question raises an interesting point. Anything could have happened before the universe came into existence, and anything could happen after we die. We don’t know for sure that our actions will have any repercussions in the afterlife, but why not play it safe and try to behave while we’re here on Earth, just in case?

Of course, that raises the question, how do you know what’s immoral if you don’t have an instruction book written by a prophet? The answer is to think and talk about ethics using the brain and mouth you were given. There are logic-based moral codes out there that are far more humane and productive than mythology-based moral codes.

Atheists may laugh at agnostics for trying to guess what their vaguely defined, theoretical, laissez faire God wants them to do. I’m not saying atheists are wrong, but they’re faulting people for hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. Hope doesn’t cost anything, but hopelessness can literally kill you. And if fear of the unknown motivates people to do what they were supposed to be doing anyway then… that’s convenient.

Immediate karma and karma ghosts

Our actions may not determine our quality of afterlife, but they do determine the quality of our experiences in the immediate present. If we spend all day being mean to people, we’ll experience an angry, ugly day. If we spend all day being nice to people, we’ll experience a full day of pleasantness. If we’re mean for 20,000 days straight, we’ll have a lifetime of painful memories to look back on. If we’re nice for 20,000 days straight, we’ll have a lovely life to look back on.

There may not be a supernatural incentive program at work that magically causes good deeds to come back to good people and bad deeds to haunt bad people. However, we do live in the world we create. If you piss off everyone in town, you’re going to live in an unfriendly town. If you’re nice to everyone in town, you’ll inspire everyone to be nice to each other, and everyone will keep “paying it forward,” creating a self-perpetuating cycle of kindness. If we keep being nice to each other, eventually we won’t have to lock our doors at night or carry weapons for self-defense. So, without even getting philosophical, kindness is just practical.

Humility

Religions tend to divide mankind into “the chosen” and “the unworthy,” “the good” and “the evil,” “the saved” and “the damned.” Scientific thinkers don’t have any reason to divide humanity into any such categories. From a scientific point of view, everyone comes from the same place. Everyone had their ass wiped when they were children, and everyone’s shit stinks. Everyone’s body breaks down, and in the end we all die. You can’t level up into a more transcendental being. No matter what we do or believe, we’ll always just be walking, talking puddles of dirty water.

At the same time, we’re also cosmic miracles. We’re biological robots with supercomputers in our heads that are smart and strong enough to reshape the universe itself. A lot of care and effort went into designing us. The evidence points to the conclusion that we’re all equally, infinitely valuable…. puddles of dirty water.

As smart and powerful as we are though, we were born existentially blind. We don’t and can’t know the final answers to life’s mysteries. We’re just stranded in this cold, lonely universe to stand or fall on our own. Since we don’t and can’t know what the point of life is, it doesn’t make sense to punish the hell out of people during life or after death for getting the point wrong. We’re all equally beautiful, and we’re also equally big screw ups. At the end of the day, we’re all family too. The only logical conclusion to come to in life is that we should celebrate, forgive and help each other.

If you liked this post, you may like these as well:

Tips on flirting with men and women

Note: The following two blogs explain how to be a generally attractive person. Once you’ve got that down, you’re ready to start flirting.

Tips on Impressing Men

Tips on Impressing Women

Love yourself.

If you love yourself, you probably won’t be afraid to talk to the opposite sex. You won’t have reason to doubt yourself, and you won’t be offended by rejection. You probably won’t be rejected though, because you’ll be an infectiously enjoyable person. When you finally settle down in a relationship, you’ll probably make a great partner, because you’ll have a lot of patience and be easy to get along with. And you won’t even have to muster up inner strength to behave this way, because it’ll just be how you are.

If you look down on yourself and beat yourself up all the time, you’ve already set yourself up to fail at flirting and being in a relationship. You’re going to give yourself a panic attack just stressing out over talking to the opposite sex in the first place. Your conversations are going to be forced and awkward for everyone involved. If you do ever get in a relationship, you’re not going to make your partner smile, and eventually, your unhappiness will make them feel like a failure. In the end, they’ll probably leave you for someone who lifts them up emotionally instead of dragging them down.

If this describes you, understand that no amount of inner strength is going to help you lift the rock crushing your morale. The problem is that you don’t understand your true worth. Someone convinced you to base your self-worth on shortsighted criteria, and you need to talk to a therapist about realigning your perception of reality. You deserve to be loved, particularly by yourself. If you’re willing to put a lot of work into getting laid or married, then put a lot of work into loving yourself. When you do that, you’ll naturally cultivate most of the character traits that members of the opposite sex find attractive.

Find your target audience, and market yourself to them

Life is short, and you’re not getting any younger. You don’t have time to waste hoping your one true love falls in your lap by chance. Speed up the process by figuring out what kind of a person you’re looking for. Then figure out what kind of places those people go. Then go there.

If you’re already pursuing your passion in life, if you’re already living somewhere you love doing things you love, then you’re already in the perfect place to find someone who shares your values and goals. Just keep doing what you’re doing, and there’s a good chance you actually will run into your soul mate. If you’re not pursuing your passions, then that’s the first reason you haven’t found someone you’re compatible with. You’re in the wrong place.

If you don’t have any passions at all then there’s nothing inside you to be compatible with. In that case, you’ll be most compatible with other people who don’t have any personality, and you might have the best chance of finding someone you click with at Wal~Mart.

If all you want is sex, then go to a night club and buy drinks for the sluttiest dressed person there. Or just skip the game and hire a prostitute. Either way, always use a condom.

There’s absolutely no shame in using Internet dating. It’s a streamlined way to meet people who share your interests, and you can learn as much from reading their profile as you can from dating for six months. Online dating is a powerful, practical solution to a complex problem, and anyone who recognizes that is at least a little intelligent.

Put your best foot forward.

Most people decide whether you’ll ever have a chance of sleeping with them within five seconds of meeting you… before you even say a word. We’re able to make that judgment so quickly because a picture is worth a thousand words, and the way you present yourself is equivalent to giving a silent dissertation about yourself.

This means, if you’re going to stress out over how to get someone to have sex or fall in love with you, then stress out over looking sexy and successful. If you can look sexy and successful, then even if you do screw up your pickup line, it won’t matter because the other person will already be hooked. If you don’t put any effort into your appearance, you may as well stop reading, because the rest of this guide isn’t going to help you. Your target will have already made up their mind about you, and there will be little you can do to redeem yourself.

The first look

Every romantic encounter/relationship must follow this logical progression of events: Look, talk, touch, sex. Everything begins with a look. After all, how can you have sex with someone if you’ve never seen them? So the first thing you have to do in order to pick up a date is get them to look at you. If you already look good, they’ll already be interested in talking to you.

If you can get all the other guys or girls in the room looking at you, then each individual person will want you more, because competition for a resource drives up the perceived value of that resource. If you’re a rare resource that multiple people want, they’ll each pay a higher price to beat the competition. For example, a sexy, successful musician doesn’t need to flirt. He could actually be a horrible person, but if every girl in a crowd knows that every other girl in the crowd wants him, he can just sit back and let them pump up his value like a penny stock in a boiler room until the women are scratching each other’s faces to win the man all the other girls want.

You can also use this concept to pick up serious dates. Find what you’re passionate about in life, and then host an event related to your passion. If you love reading, start a book club. If you love music, host music classes or small concerts. Start a meet up group or find some other way to put yourself in a position where people you want to date will look up to you. That will attract the kind of people you’re looking for in the first place, and those people will associate you as an alpha member of the pack. Then they’ll be the ones using pickup lines on you.

The first talk

After making eye contact, the only way a romantic encounter can move forward is for the two people to talk. Both men and women overthink this way too much. In reality, talking to the opposite sex is simple and logical. I’ll walk you through it.

When entering a flirting scenario, your first goal is to exchange names. Until they know you’re name, you don’t exist, and they can’t have sex with someone who doesn’t exist. After you’ve exchanged names you become a real human being with a life and future. You also gain power over them. Dale Carnegie once said, “The sweetest word anyone can hear in any language is their own name.” Flattery will get you everywhere, and it’s flattering to simply hear your own name, because it highlights your existence and makes you center of attention. When someone addresses you by your name, it means they know who you are, and that’s intimate. If you ever hope to sleep with a person, you need to establish a consistent track record of shared intimate experiences. You can begin establishing a history of intimacy with another person immediately by simply using their name in conversation a few times.

Of course, they need to know more about you than your just your name to determine if you’re worth sleeping with. Talking to them gives you the opportunity to shape their impression of you. You don’t need to convince them that you’re the most impressive human being to ever walk the earth. You just need to convince them that you’re worth spending more time with, and you don’t have to blow their mind to accomplish that. All you have to do is make them smile, and that’s very easy to do. All you have to do is compliment them. But directly complimenting their physical body can come across as creepy. Instead, try complimenting their clothes or haircut, because when you compliment something they chose, you’re not only complimenting their external appearance, you’re also complimenting their decision making skills. Plus, if you like something they like then that means you have something in common.

Excessively bragging about yourself usually backfires for several reasons. First, it makes you look like a selfish, arrogant prick. Even if you’re not trying to be arrogant, people only want to be a little impressed by you. The bigger and better your life is than theirs, the more intimidating you are and the less you have in common.

Nobody wants to hear about your life anyway. Most people would rather talk about themselves than listen to you jerk yourself off. If you have no idea what to talk to a stranger about, just ask them about themselves. If you can get them talking about themselves, they’ll probably have a great time talking to you even though they pretty much did all the work. That’s not to say you should grill them on their entire life story. Just find out what they’re interested in, and get them to talk about that. Actively listen, and try to throw in a witty comment, joke or compliment every once and a while to keep them smiling. If you can do that, they’ll probably want to talk to you again.

The first touch

Everyone has a personal space bubble around them that strangers aren’t allowed in. Eventually, you want the person you’re flirting with to let you past all their defenses so you can experience their body completely. How do you transition from being completely shut out to being granted total access? The answer is, one degree of intimacy at a time.

Suppose you meet someone you’re attracted to, and the two of you end up hanging out on a regular basis for the next couple of weeks. If the only time you ever touch them is to shake hands, then their mind will subconsciously categorize you as a person who doesn’t enter their personal space. The more normal that becomes, the harder it’ll be to earn permission past their barriers. Sooner rather than later, you’ll be stuck in the friend zone forever.

Ideally, you would find some excuse to touch your date the first time you meet, and handshakes and hugs don’t count. The more times you make physical contact with another person, the more their mind associates you with physical contact, thus the more receptive they’ll be to having more physical contact with you. Obviously, you don’t want to go around groping people, but there are plenty of innocuous ways to touch someone: hugs, pats on the back, shoulder massages, playful shoves, accidentally bumping into them, handing something to them and making sure your hands accidentally touch, feeling their clothes, etc. You can even plan to do activities together that involve physical contact like playing basketball.

Touch is also important because it has powerful and meaningful emotional effects. Babies will die in their cribs if they’re not touched. People who receive massage therapy will sometimes cry or laugh hysterically because the physical touch of the therapist triggers a somato-emotional release. Psychologists and counselors are tough to hold clients hands and hug them, because human touch can have a powerful effects on the human psyche. Human touch is powerful almost to the point of being magical. This is valuable to know in life in general. If you want to heal someone or bring them closer to you, then touch them more often.

Everyone in the dating scene is looking for someone who will hold them in their arms and make them feel safe. The sooner you establish a pattern of safe physical contact, the sooner you’ll start looking to them like the person who is going to hold them for the rest of the night or their life. The longer you go without touching them, the less you’ll look to them like the person who is going to hold them.

Take a chance.

Women can separate the boys from the men just by standing around and seeing who has the courage to talk to her. Introducing one’s self is just the first test you have to pass to get laid or married. At the end of the first conversation, you’ll need to ask for the other person’s number and schedule a date. After you’ve been involved with someone romantically for a while, eventually you’ll want to risk confessing your love to them and maybe ask them to spend the rest of their life with you.

It can be scary to ask someone to take their relationship with you to the next level, but the only thing there really is to fear, is fear itself. If you love yourself, you can survive and thrive on your own. If someone turns you down, you look at it as their loss… not that anyone has to be the bad guy. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and most of them aren’t right for you anyway. Finding love is like inventing the light bulb. You have to find 10,000 things that don’t work in order to find the one that does. So getting rejected is usually more of a win than a loss.

Asking for someone’s telephone number or hand in marriage might seem like putting your head on the chopping block, but that would only be true if the person you’re hitting on is an executioner. Most people don’t look forward to judging and hurting everyone who hits on them. We want people to hit on us, and we want them to succeed. Even when we do turn someone down, we usually don’t see them as pathetic losers who stuck their nose where it didn’t belong. We see them as that person who had the confidence to punch above their weight class.

You might strike out the first time you go up to bat, but the game isn’t over until everyone is married or dead. If someone turns you down, and you take it with dignity, make a joke out of it, and let them know they may still have a chance with you if they ever change their mind, there’s a good chance that the next time they’re deciding who to drunk dial, they might remember how confident you were in the face of defeat. Then they might decide they want someone strong like you to hold them tonight.

I’m not saying that only incomplete, immature people feel fear and shame. Fear is healthy, and the secret to overcoming fear isn’t to not feel it. The secret is to feel it and do the thing you’re scared of anyway. The more times you do that, the less fear will paralyze you. Also it’s a sign of good mental health for you to feel pain when someone you care about rejects you. That means you’re human. But you simply can’t make a categorical imperative out of letting fear prevent you from taking risks.

If you risk nothing, you gain nothing. If you do nothing, you’ll never live. You won’t lose the game of life by striking out. You’ll lose by never showing up to the game. Ironically, you don’t actually risk anything by flirting. The only way flirting will hurt you is if you beat yourself up over it. If you don’t beat yourself up then there are no risks. There are only potential gains, and you stand to gain everything you’ve ever wanted.

It can be confusing for men to figure out when a woman wants him to take their relationship to the next level. Women often talk around what they’re trying to say and drop hints leading to what they’re really trying to tell you, leaving men in the dark as to where they actually stand with her. You could try asking her straightforward, but she still might not give you a straight or honest answer. A good way a man can gauge a woman’s intentions is to ask himself, “How much attention is she paying to me, and how hard is she trying to impress me?” If she’s going out of her way for you, she’s telling you something. If she’s not, then she’s not that into you.

Women also misunderstand how men communicate. Men don’t communicate with each other by talking around what they’re saying and dropping hints. They communicate by speaking directly and saying what they mean. If you want to tell a man something, it helps to speak his language. If your man isn’t getting the hint, don’t rack your brain trying to figure out a better way to drop hints. The problem isn’t that you’re bad at dropping hints. The problem is that you’re playing cryptic mind games instead of speaking directly to him in his native language.

If you see a sexy guy anywhere, you can just walk up to him and say, “Hey, you seem interesting. Feel like talking?” He’ll probably thank his lucky stars he found a girl he doesn’t have to play mind games with, and he would probably love to talk to you. However, it would creep a lot of men out if a woman approached him and said, “You’re hot. Let’s have sex.” Granted, there are a lot of men who would agree to have sex without even thinking about it, but they may view that woman as desperate, which means they can do better.

Women, after the first date, and for the rest of your life, you don’t need to play games with men to get them to like you. All you have to do is communicate openly with them. If/when you do talk around what you’re really trying to say, drop hints and play mind games, your man probably won’t understand what you’re trying to tell him, and it will frustrate him. Also, understand that when your man communicates with you, he’s probably going to speak to you directly. The younger he is the more likely he is to not even know that men and women communicate differently. I’m not saying it’s every woman’s responsibility to think and act exactly like a man all the time. I’m just forewarning you what to expect from men.

Continue to look and be attractive, successful, ambitious and kind

First impressions are important, but every day is important, and the best always have style. If you only own one nice pair of clothes that you wear to parties, you’re going to slowly lose your partner’s interest. If you always dress to impress and wear nice underwear, you’ll continually rekindle your partner’s interest in you.

If you don’t have a stable job or any ambitions then you’re not a good catch. You’re a liability. You might be cute, funny, genuine and inspiring, but you can’t buy baby clothes with a great personality. I’m just saying, don’t expect someone to take care of you for the long haul if you can’t take care of them at all.

The more you can make a person smile the first time you meet them, the more they’ll want to see you a second time. The more you make a person smile the second time you see them, the more they’ll want to see you a third time. If you make them smile every day, they’ll look forward to seeing you every day, but when you stop making them smile they’ll stop wanting to be around you. You make people smile by looking attractive, having a refreshingly positive outlook on life, being funny, supportive, witty, useful and good at sex.

It’s also worth emphasizing that compliments aren’t just for first impressions. Everyone wants to have sex with someone who can make them feel beautiful and special for a night. Everyone wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who always makes them feel beautiful and special.

If you always present yourself as sexy, successful, confident, ambitious and pleasant to be around, then you won’t have to chase after love interests. All you’ll have to do is keep showing up and being a joy to be around, and love interests will chase after you. In fact, if you have to constantly chase after someone and fight and beg for them to pay attention to you, you’re probably wasting your time. If they were interested in you, they’d already be paying attention to you.

If you keep pestering someone long enough, you might be able to win them over. But before you go through all that trouble, ask yourself what it says about them that they don’t already recognize how wonderful you are? Sure, they might have some virtues that make them worth pursuing, but life is short, and there are millions of wonderful lovers out there who would go out of their way to be with you if they only knew you existed. It would probably be a better use of your time to look for those lovers instead of trying to convince someone who’s just not that into you that they’re wrong about what they want.

The more desperately you want someone, the more power you give over them, and the less likely they are to ever date you. This is petty, but we don’t do it because we’re evil. We do it because our brains are so extensively designed to operate on autopilot that very we’re easy to manipulate. You see, everyone is looking for the most valuable mate, and if we can date out of our league, so much the better for us and our children. Also, when there’s a lack of supply of a resource, the perceived value of the resource increases. For these reasons, it makes you look like more valuable mate when someone knows they can’t have you.

On the other side of the coin, when you stalk someone, you send the message that they’re out of your league. Even if you really are a great match for them, they might not recognize it after you get done telling them what a small fish you are.

This is a big part of why women have a reputation for dating jerks instead of nerds with a heart of gold. This is also why some of the more sociopathic dating guides instruct men to insult women. Sadly, it often works, because it creates the perception that the man is out of the woman’s league. In my opinion, if you’re hurting and consciously manipulating your date then you’ve failed at being a good lover and a good person. So I wouldn’t suggest insulting your date. You don’t have to establish your dominance over them anyway. Just be their equal, and don’t go out of your way to put yourself beneath them.

Have fun.

You usually have to take someone on a few dates before they let you have sex with them, and you usually have to court them even longer before they’ll let you marry them. This raises the question, how do you keep someone interested in you throughout the courtship phase, let alone the rest of your life?

All you have to do to keep someone interested in you is keep them smiling. Unfortunately, men and women both make this way harder than it has to be. If you’re stressing over how to make someone smile, you’re overthinking it. You don’t have to do much. You almost don’t have to do anything. As long as you’re do the things that make you smile, then chances are you’re going to make the people around you smile. If you’re taking care of yourself, and you’re happy with your life, then you’ll be fun to be around. If you don’t fulfill your own wants and do the things you enjoy, then you’ll sulk around like the hollow vessel you are. So, if you want people to enjoy being around you, then just have fun yourself, and your good vibes will infect everyone around you.

If your schedule is already filled with personally rewarding activities, then you won’t need to rack your brain trying to figure out where to take a date. Just bring them along with you to do the things you were going to do anyway. They’ll have fun, and it’ll help them get to know you. You’ll demonstrate how interesting and proactive you are, and if they don’t enjoy your favorite activities, then you’ll know not to invest any more time pursuing a deeper relationship with them. That date didn’t fail. It succeeded in informing you to move on.

Remember that the person you’re flirting with is also an independent person who has their own interests. The quickest, easiest way to make people happy is to give them what they want. So if you want to take someone on a date that they’ll be sure to enjoy, just find out what their interests are, and then cater to those interests. If they love the symphony, then buy two tickets to the symphony. If they like hiking, then plan a hiking trip. If they like dogs, then do something with dogs. You don’t need to sit around racking your brain trying to figure out what to do to make someone happy. Just ask them what they like to do, and then go do those things with them.

Be yourself.

The meaning of life is not to be someone else’s slave. If you change everything about yourself to please someone else, that makes you a hollow, empty person. If you succeed at impressing your date that way, you’ll fail at the larger goal of becoming yourself. If you never become yourself, then you’ll never fulfill any of your own goals with which to draw purpose, happiness and confidence from. Then there will be nothing within you for your partner to connect to, let alone admire in you. Sure, you’ll be a great slave, but you’ll be boring and emotionally unsatisfying. Plus, as pleased as your partner may be by your obedience, they’ll come to see you as unworthy of their love since you made it so clear how out of your league they are.

Men who dress like Don Draper and women who dress like Jessica Rabbit will get dates, but that doesn’t mean you should. It’s mentally unhealthy to change everything about yourself to please another person, and the goal of dating isn’t to impress every person you talk to anyway. The goal is to find the right person for you. If you succeed at bringing the wrong person home, then you’ve failed at dating. If your date won’t accept you for who you are, then they’re not the person you’re looking for anyway. Be yourself, and be relieved by the fact that your unique style is going to drive away at least a third of the dating pool, because the more people who run away from you, the easier it is to pick out your soul mate from the people who are left.

If you liked this post, you may like these: