Advice to men on how to have sex in the missionary postion

The purpose of this guide is to provide sexually inexperienced males with a very basic, practical explanation of what their options are when having sex in the missionary position. I’ll be coming out with a guide for females and other positions in the near future.

Wikipedia defines “the missionary position” as:

“a sex position usually denoting the act in which a woman lies on her back and a man lies on top of her while they face each other and engage in sexual intercourse or other sexual activity.”

The missionary position is possibly the easiest position to have sex in. It’s emotionally intimate and easy to get into. It also offers are lot of options for spicing things up. If you’re having sex with a new partner for the first time and aren’t sure what position to use, the missionary position is probably your safest, default bet.

Pre-penetration options

Sex doesn’t begin the moment your penis enters the vagina, and it doesn’t end the moment you cum. Sex begins at flirting, goes through foreplay, penetration, orgasm and ends when the afterglow is over. You have a lot of options for pleasuring a woman in the missionary position before you penetrate her with your penis, and you should use those options for at least 10 minutes before penetrating her if you want her to have a really good orgasm later.

From a kneeling position you can kiss, nibble and caress all of her erogenous zones: ears, neck, breasts, thighs and whatever else turns her on. Most importantly, you can give her full bodied kisses on her mouth. Hover over her and tease her with the promise of kisses, then squeeze her tight and kiss her like you can taste her soul on her tongue.

One great advantage of the missionary position is that it allows you to rub the base of your cock up and down her clit (though make sure you lubricate her clit either your tongue, her juices or lube before rubbing anything on it). This feels good for both people. So it’s a good way to help a guy get harder or a girl get wetter.

Teasing a woman by barely penetrating her vagina with the tip of your penis is a great way to help her build up sexual tension, which she’ll release during sex and through her orgasm. It also helps her vagina acclimate to having a foreign object shoved in it, which usually makes the experience more pleasurable (especially for really tight girls). The missionary position is ideal for this. So take advantage of the opportunity.

Speeds

There’s no one right speed to use for any position or any girl for that matter. It all depends on the mood. However, there is one general rule that applies to all women most of the time. You should almost always start penetrating vaginas slowly and gradually build up speed. How much speed you build up depends on what you and your partner enjoy. Once you understand how different speeds affect the girl’s experience you’ll be able to figure out which speed is appropriate for each stage of each sexual encounter.

Press and hold

Sometimes it’s good to use no speed at all. Sometimes it’s nice to slide your cock as far into your girl as you can and hold yourself there. This is good to do in the first minute after initially penetrating a woman. It lets her vagina acclimate to being filled up, and it’s an emotional pose to hold another human being in. If romance is what you’re going for, this is a handy technique. But it’s usually not a good idea to use it much (if any) after you start really fucking a woman. At that point, constantly stopping to penetrate her deeply and passionately will throw her rhythm off more than it will build her up.

Technically you can have an entire sexual session without barely moving. That’s called tantric sex, and there’s an erotic, rewarding art form to it that you should experience at least a few times in your life.

Irregular

Sometimes it’s fun to spice up a sexual encounter by constantly changing up the speed of your thrusts, but that technique is a novelty, not standard practice, because, again, frequently changing paces is more likely to throw off your partner’s rhythm than build her up. Having said that, it can be beneficial to change your pace up a little during the first few minutes of sex following the initial penetration. During that “meet and greet” stage, spicing things up can help stoke your partner’s passion, loosen her vagina and communicate you’re your passion for her. Once she’s really wet or looking at you hungrily, abandon the novelty technique and get down to business.

Slow

Most sexual encounters should begin with slow thrusts for the woman’s comfort and safety. Sometimes it’s nice to have PIV sex slow from start to finish. It’s passionate, meaningful and respectful. A male virgin who was raised on Disney movies to believe all women are a-sexual porcelain princesses could develop the idea that women want slow, romantic sex most of the time. This would be incorrect. Sometimes women want their vaginas caressed like delicate flowers, and sometimes they want to be fucked into the mattress so hard the bed breaks. Both of those techniques are at extreme ends of a spectrum. The ideal speed to use most of the time is probably somewhere in the middle, not the bottom.

Medium

After fucking a woman slowly for a few minutes her mind and body will be ready and hungry for harder, faster thrusts. Chances are, you will be too. Everybody gets what they want if you speed your thrusts up to a medium pace.

If you were raised in a culture where fast service and fast results are valued, you could develop the idea that faster is always better. This isn’t always the case with sex. Fast thrusts can be good. They can be great, but don’t underestimate the value of medium paced thrusts.

Women get to experience the full sensation of your penis when you thrust at a medium pace. When you thrust too fast they can lose sensation sometimes. Imagine getting a really, really fast hand job; all you’d feel is friction. Now imagine getting a hand job that started really fast, then stopped, then went slow, then fast, then slow, then fast, then stopped again. You’d be wishing your partner would just stick with a nice medium pace.

Hard fucking has its time and place, but if you’re not experienced, and you want to use the technique with the highest statistical probably of giving a girl an orgasm, then start by fucking her slow, spend most of your time fucking her at a medium pace, and speed up right at the end.

Just be aware that most women can’t orgasm from PIV sex alone. For the best statistical odds of giving a woman an orgasm during PIV sex, you need to stimulate her clit. Tips on that later.

There’s one last semi-selfish reason to have sex at a medium pace: it conserves your energy.  If you start out fucking a girl as fast and hard as possible, you might wear yourself out and have no choice but we wheeze and struggle through the final critical minutes of sex. That’ll negatively affect your ability to give your partner an orgasm. A good, medium pace feels rocking good for girls, and it’s manageable for guys. Take advantage of that.

Fast

It’s unfair to call medium-paced sex “vanilla sex.” It’s a good standard speed for good reasons, but any technique used too often will become boring. When you start out a sexual encounter going slow, then speed up to a medium pace and finish fast you cover all your bases. The question is, what percentage of the time should you go fast? A conservative range is the last 10-40% of a sexual encounter, but again, there’s a time and place for everything.

When a woman is close to orgasm (and especially while she’s orgasming), you can give her a more intense orgasm by speeding up your thrusts. But if you try to improve her orgasm with hard, fast strokes you could throw her off her rhythm or you could be wrong, and she actually needs a lot more stimulation. In that case you might wear yourself out trying to maintain your pace or you might wear her out too early as well. If you have to slow down you will ruin her rhythm.

Fucking fast can be risky, but there’s a way to minimize your risk. If you can tell your partner is close to cumming or just hungry for you to take it up a notch, consider making your thrusts harder instead of faster. You’d be surprised how hard of a pounding a vagina can take and be euphoric for the girl. They feel it deep inside their vagina and all over the outside. It gives her more of what she wants and leaves the option open for you to go faster later.

Jack rabbit fast

As mentioned earlier, women usually don’t find it emotionally or physically pleasing when you lose control and fuck them like a jack rabbit. If you’re going to lose control then fuck them with reckless abandon, then fuck them like a raging gladiator, not a delirious Pomeranian.

Thrusts

There’s no right thrust to use in any position, but knowing how different techniques work in different positions you can pick the best one for the occasion. More than some other positions, the missionary position offers you lots of options.

Aiming for the G-spot

The G-spot is located on the roof of the vagina just past the opening. When you’re in the missionary position, you can stick the tip of your penis into the vagina, and as you slide your penis in, push up with your knees or feet so that the top of your shaft presses against the roof of the vagina. This could hit the G-spot, but not necessarily. If you want to know if your technique is working for sure, ask your partner.

 You can increase your odds of hitting the G-spot in the missionary position by lifting your partner’s ass up using your hands or a cushion. When you thrust inside of her, don’t aim your shaft so that it goes straight into her. Aim the tip of your penis head to hit the roof of her vagina just past the opening. You’ll likely find it easiest to do this when you’re kneeling and your posture is upright, as opposed to laying your chest flat against hers. You can use this technique at any stage of sex. Just be sure to do it slow if you do it at the beginning of a sexual encounter, and do it faster if you’re doing it closer to climax.

Aiming for the clit

The clit is a mole-sized bump located on the outside of a woman’s body a few centimeters above the opening of her vagina. You can’t hit that with your penis when you’re fucking a woman in any position since your penis is inside her, and her clit is on the external surface of her body. However, if you slide your penis all the way into your partner’s vagina you can sometimes rub the clit with the skin where the shaft of your cock meets your abdomen.

Different body types have different levels of compatibility. Ask your partner if this technique works for her. If it doesn’t, move on. This technique has the best chance of working if both partners have shaved their pubic hair and lubricated their smooth skin, but shaving your pubes to the skin usually causes razor bumps (which aren’t sexy), and your pubes may be spikey for the next few days after shaving, and no girl wants spikes jabbing into their sensitive sin.

You can also improve your chances of stimulating the clit by wearing a vibrating cock ring with a clitoral stimulator. Whether or not you use a vibrating cock ring, your pelvis will have to be pressed against her clit for a long time to give her an orgasm. This means you can’t pull your penis out of her vagina far enough to fuck her hard. So this technique is best suited to warming a girl up during the slow stage of sex or finishing her off after a hard fucking.

Straight forward

There are novel ways to stimulate a woman’s vagina, and they’re all worth exploring, but sometimes a girl likes a good old fashioned fuck. You don’t have to worry about boring a women with straight forward thrusts, and if your goal is to fuck her hard and fast, you’re going to have to use a simple thrust anyway. When you use this technique, play to its strengths.

Stirring

The vagina is a biological sex organ that responds to physical and emotional stimuli. The more you stimulate it the closer it will bring a woman to orgasm. Pumping your penis into her like the head of an oil drill is a good way to hit her deep, hard and fast, but it can feel impersonal and miss a lot of sexual nerve endings inside and outside the vagina.

You can hit more nerve endings and add another level of interaction and intimacy to the missionary position by gyrating your hips like dancing like Elvis or using a hula hoop. This changes the trajectory of your penis throughout the course of a single thrust so your penis hits the vagina walls from different angles. There’s not an exact science to gyrating your hips during sex. Just make sure they’re fluid and you should be fine. This technique takes a lot of muscles and is difficult to do with a lot of force or for a long time. You can finish a girl off with this technique, but it’s best suited during the slow-to-medium paced stages of sex when you’re warming your partner’s vagina up.

All the way in, all the way out

Sticking your penis all the way into the vagina and all the way out is pleasurable for men and women, and it can be used effectively during any stage of sex. However, it always comes with the risk of drying out your partner’s vagina. So if this is the first technique you use after initially penetrating a woman’s vagina (when she’s not very loose or wet) you could dry her out and stretch her too abruptly. If you use this during wild, pounding sex you might dry her out while ramming your shaft through her with a lot of force. That’s a recipe for disaster. By all means, use this technique when you and your partner want to experience full bodied strokes. Just don’t do it for very long… unless she’s a gusher or you’re using reliable lube.

Position Variations

The dictionary definition of “missionary position” has the man lying face down on top of a woman who is lying on her back, but that position is easily modified to achieve a whole family of spin-off positions that should be explored. You can and should use several of these variations during a single sex session.

Face to face

Laying on top of a naked woman, face to face, is a great way to start out a sex session. It’s intimate, and your penis can slide into her vagina at an easy angle. However, this position has two downsides. First, since your penis is sliding straight into her vagina you’re probably not going to hit her G-spot… unless you tilt her pelvis upwards by placing a cushion under her ass and consciously angling your thrusts upwards.

Regardless of where you’re aiming your penis, when you’re laying on top of a woman with your chest pressed to her you’re not going to be able to thrust as hard or fast as you could if you were in a kneeling position. You can still fuck a girl pretty hard in this position, and girls really enjoy it (physically and emotionally) when you wrap your big, strong arms around them and hold them firmly to your bosom while fucking them as hard and fast as you can. However, when your partner wants to be power-fucked, there are other variations of the missionary position that are more tailored to that goal.

Man kneeling

In the kneeling position you have more room to thrust, and you can draw on more muscles. Plus, you can grab your partner’s legs or waist and pull them towards you as you thrust. This isn’t the most intimate position, but it’s perfect for hard-hitting sex.  It also works well for medium-paced sex as well, especially because it uses your major muscle groups, which means it’s relatively easy to maintain your pace without wearing yourself out.

You have a pretty good chance of being able to hit the G-spot with your penis when lying flat on top of a woman if she has a cushion under her ass. But when you put a cushion under her ass and fuck her from the kneeling position, your penis will be angled perfectly to hit the G-spot with as much force as she can take and you can give. If you don’t have a cushion, you can lift her ass with your hands, which can be exhausting (depending on how strong you are and how heavy she is), but if you can cradle her lower torso in your hands you’ll have complete control to man-handle her and slam her body into your incoming power thrusts. Most women can’t have an orgasm from PIV sex without clitoral stimulation most of the time, but this is a good position to beat the odds in.

Knees to chest

When you’re in the kneeling missionary position, your partner’s legs are usually spread so her thighs are pressed against your hips. If she brings her knees to her chest so she’s laying on her back in the fetal position, then she can put her feet on your chest. You can lean against her feet and slide your cock into her fully exposed vagina. This isn’t the most relaxing position for either partner, but it’s worth doing for the benefits it offers.

This position angles the vagina slightly upward, which means when the penis enters horizontally it’s probably going to hit the roof of the vagina, which is where the G-spot is. And since her legs are completely out of your way, you press your pelvis against hers as far as possible, which means your penis will penetrate her as deeply as possible. This is great for men with short penises. And it’s a good go-to position whenever a girl wants a nice, deep dicking. You can fuck a girl pretty hard from this position, especially if you grab her ass or legs and pull her into your thrusts. However, the upward-tilted angle of her vagina makes it easy for your penis to slip out of, especially when you’re fucking wildly.

Ankles over shoulders

From the kneeling position, take hold of your partner’s ankles and rest them on your shoulders. This is one of the least intimate, least lady-like and most awkward-looking variations of the missionary position. If you’ve never had sex, this position could appear off-putting. I wouldn’t advise taking a girl’s virginity in this position, but it definitely has benefits that you and your partner should know about.

It’s easier to achieve the deepest thrusts when a girl’s feet are on your chest than when they’re over your shoulder, but it’s easier to thrust your hips and pull her legs towards you when her feet are over your shoulder. So what you lose in depth you can make up for in force.

You can have the best of both worlds though, if you put your partner’s ankles over your shoulders and lean forward until you’re almost face to face with her.  This is called “the folding deck chair” position, and while it definitely looks unladylike, it’s very lady friendly. This position lets your penis penetrate her even deeper than having her feet on your chest. Plus, you can hold onto her torso, stretch out your legs and fuck her really hard. If you’re on a bouncy bed you can even bounce up and down and let gravity do half the work for you. If a girl ever tells you she wants you to fuck her until she breaks, this would be a good position to give it to her from.

Side twist

Kneel between your partner’s legs with her ankles on your shoulders. Then take both of her ankles and hold them together. Then lower both of her ankles to one of your hips. Then scoot forward and penetrate her while both her legs are hinged around one side of your body.  This position gives you decent room to maneuver, but the angle doesn’t allow you to really hit the G-spot or go as deep as other variations of the missionary position. Plus, it’s not very intimate. Use this position when you’re bored and want to do something different, but don’t do it very long, because it’ll likely get boring pretty quick, at least for your partner.

Her legs together

In all the variations of the missionary position discussed here, the man is between the woman’s legs. However, you can close her legs so that she’s laying like a plank. Then you mount her and lay down face to face with her. If your penis is long enough, you can slide your penis between her legs and into her vagina. You won’t be able to penetrate her very deeply, but the top of your shaft will slide over clit as you enter her… again and again. You won’t be able to fuck very hard in this position, but it has a good potential to give a girl an orgasm… if your bodies are compatible enough to pull off this position effectively.

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Introduction to Sex Toys

This guide is written for people who have never been in a porn store or who have been to a porn store once and got freaked out by the dizzying selection of medieval looking instruments.

Sex Toys For Women

Dildos and Vibrators

Dildos are plastic penises that women put in their vagina because it feels good. Vibrators are dildos that vibrate, which also feels good. If you’re not sure which one to buy, get a vibrator, and just don’t turn it on when you want it to be a dildo.

Most sex toys (especially dildos and vibrators) are cheaply made mass produced junk. If you’re going to be using a tool to penetrate yourself and achieve physical pleasure, you want the best designed tool you can get. Ask the clerk at your sex toy store what their best products are, and be prepared to spend between $60-$140.

Dildos and vibrators come in an intimidating range of sizes and styles for two reasons: First, every vagina is different. One size does not fit all. Petite virgin women will need smaller vibrators than bigger, more sexually experienced women. If you’re not sure what size you need, start small and work your way up. If you’re a virgin or have never used a sex toy, you should definitely start small.

Another reason there are so many different kinds of vibrators is because different models are designed to pleasure women in different ways. Here’s a short list of the most popular types of vibrators:

Rabbit Vibrator

When a woman wants a real good, all-around orgasm she uses a rabbit. It’s sleek and it rotates and vibrates, which helps it ease itself into the vagina, and feels great when it’s in inside. All that internal writhing combined with external clitoral stimulation is a recipe for success.

Small Vibrators

Sometimes you want a full-bodied orgasm that hits every spot you’ve got, but oftentimes in life you don’t have the time, energy or privacy to go all out. Sometimes you’re on vacation, and you don’t want to carry a giant android penis around with you. Small vibrators are convenient to have sometimes. You can use them to stimulate your clit and penetrate your vagina. If you have two then you can do both at the same time.

Ladies, if you only use vibrators when you’re alone, you’re missing out on half their potential. If you’ve never been penetrated with a small vibrator while your love goes down on you, you’re missing out a cherishable life experience.

Large Vibrators

Sometimes women want a full-bodied orgasm. Sometimes they want a quickie. Sometimes they use a lot of penetration, and other times not so much. But sometimes, every once and a while a woman may have a passing craving to just get filled up to the breaking point of her sanity. She may not know or even want a man with an elephant trunk to service her. So for those occasions when a woman wants to lay in bed with an erotic novel and fantasize about a dirty, sweaty construction worker four times her size, she can dust off her biggest vibrator and play out that fantasy. Note: A very petite woman’s biggest vibrator may be a medium sized vibrator for a larger woman.

FYI: The biggest dildos
and vibrators are usually only bought as gag gifts.

G Spot Stimulators

Different vibrators stimulate different parts of the vagina in different ways, and they’re all worth exploring, but sometimes you want to masturbate with a tool that directly targets your two most sensitive pleasure spots: the clitoris and the G-spot. Lucky for you, they make vibrators that do that. In the case of the We-Vibe, you can even wear it comfortably while having sex. Now that’s a recipe for success.

 Clitoral Stimulators

Women use different amounts of penetration when they masturbate depending on their mood and fantasy, but most women can’t have orgasms through penetration alone. And most women can have an orgasm without any penetration at all, because the majority of a woman’s pleasure nerves are in her clitoris. That’s the red button that launches the atomic bombs. When a woman wants to be sure she has a quick, easy body shaking orgasm all she needs to do is stimulate that pleasure button, which is conveniently located outside of her vagina. Luckily, there are a lot of toys that do that. You could always use a vibrator to stimulate your clit, but the motor that moves a vibrator is in the handle, far away from the part of the toy making contact with the clit. There are other toys designed to provide more direct stimulation to the clit.

Egg

These are discreet and effective. They provide strong clitoral stimulation, and they usually come with a convenient handle that lets you adjust the speed so you can start out slow and gradually increase the speed. They’re a reliable go-to clit stimulator used by millions of women. Cheap ones tend to break quickly though.

Magic Wand

If you love your egg but want to take masturbating to the next level, you need a Hitachi wand. It’s powerful. It’s reliable, and it’s easy to use. The only downside is it’s not discreet, and it won’t fit in your purse.

Pocket Rocket

Pocket Rockets are a very popular choice for women who want clitoral stimulation but they want something small and discreet.  These fun toys are about the size and shape of a tube of lipstick, usually with a soft nub on the business end.  They don’t make a lot of noise, won’t break your wallet, and they are perfect for stimulating the clit.  This is a good starter toy for beginners.

Other Clit Stimulators

There are a lot of oddly shaped clit stimulators out there, and some of them look very fancy. If you judge them solely by their price tag, they may seem high quality, but at the end of the day, the value of a clit stimulator tends to be measured by how strong its motor is, and how directly it delivers vibrations to the clit. A $110 tiny toy that looks like it came from the future might not deliver as much pleasure as a motorized ball.

 Butterfly and Wearable Clit Stimulators

A hands-free device that stimulates the clit is the holy grail of sex toys. There are a few products on the market that have clit stimulators attached to straps or crotchless panties. They’re not bad, but if your body shape isn’t compatible with the product, the clitoral stimulator might not stay on your clit. Hopefully you can find a pair that work for you.

Nipple Clamps

To a white dressed virgin raised in the Bible Belt, nipple clamps may seem like something only a hard core BDSM dungeon lurker would buy, but consider that most women have sensitive nipples. It feels good when they’re played with. Nipple clamps can help most women with that. Plus, whatever naughty stigmas they may have just makes them all the more delightfully naughty to use. Just do some internet research on the proper use of nipple clamps.

Clit Cream

Porn stores sell different creams that are supposed to stimulate the clitoris. They all basically work like Icy Hot, which you should NOT use as a substitute. The cream makes your skin tingle, which is a sensation in and of itself, but your clit also becomes a little more sensitive for a while. Some girls find it overpowering. Some girls get a little more out of it. I’ve never met a girl who used it regularly, but I’m sure there’s someone out there…. Though I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to chemically overstimulate your clit on a regular basis.

 Sex Toys For Men

Pocket Pussy

99% of men masturbate. There’s a stigma against using toys because it’s seen as lonely and desperate by some people. For just a moment, stop caring about what people might think about what you do in private, and consider this: The more efficiently you stimulate your penis the better orgasms you’ll get. Given the choice, you’d usually rather feel the sensation of a pussy around your cock than your hand. There are a lot of good products that feel like real pussies and will take your masturbating to a higher level. Just be sure to spend the extra money on a good quality product. Clean your toy, and be aware that you can only fuck a piece of latex so many times before it wears out and needs to be replaced.

If you are going to buy a pocket pussy don’t waste your money on a piece of plastic.  It feels like you’re having sex with a beach ball. Spend the money on the squishy ones.  The Fleshlight is the most famous pocket pussy and for good reason.  Just remember to clean it after use, dry it, and dust it with baby powder to keep it in top form.

Cock Rings

Cock rings are simple plastic bands that you stick both your dick and balls through so that the ring hugs the base of your cock against your abdomen and behind your balls. This gives you a bigger erection for longer by limiting blood flow away from your penis. It’s a helpful cure for whiskey dick, but if you cut off blood flow to a body part for more than 4 hours gangrene will set in. Research proper us of cock rings, and use them with caution.

Clitoral Stimulating Cock Rings

There’s another flavor of cock rings that doesn’t go behind your balls. You can spot them because they look more like a large ring than a bracelet. They’re usually made of stretchy plastic, and they have a big vibrating clitoral stimulator on the top. This kind of cock ring slips onto your penis like putting a ring on it. If you try to put it on behind your balls you’re going to cut off all circulation to your genitals, and that’s bad. Slide it down to the base of your shaft and then turn it on. In theory, while wearing this device you’ll be able to have PIV sex with a woman and stimulate her clit at the same time. The problem is the cock ring only stimulates her clit when you’re pressed all the way against her, which makes it useless for doggy style sex and only slightly useful for missionary position sex. It works best in the cowgirl position. It’s a fun novelty, but it’s not a must-have for every toy drawer.

Penis Pumps

In theory penis pumps are supposed to make your dick bigger by stretching it out. Some people say it works. Some people say it just bursts blood vessels. Don’t buy a penis pump on the recommendation of a random stranger on the internet. Buy one based on the recommendation of your doctor. Just know that your doctor would probably not recommend you using a penis pump.

Erection Pills

You can’t buy Viagra at a sex toy store, but you can buy “penis enhancement pills.” They take about 45 minutes to take effect and give you as big of an erection as you’re capable of having for a few hours. You’ll also be able to orgasm multiple times in quick succession without losing your erection. Then, for the next few days you’ll get big, longer lasting erections more easily. These pills work as advertised, but they’re very hard on your heart. The packages even say not to take more than one pill every 3-6 days. I doubt many doctors would suggest ever taking these pills. If you do use them, consider taking 1/4th or ½ a pill. And don’t use them if you have health problems, especially heart problems.

Prostate Massagers

Men have a prostate gland inside their body that can be stimulated through anal penetration. It’s basically the male G-spot. Men who are interested in anal play but have reservations about what they’re willing to put inside of them should look into prostate stimulators. If you’re going to be shoving something up your ass, it may as well be scientifically designed to target the one place you need stimulated most without stretching you out like a prison rape victim. Throw caution to the wind and buy a slim, high quality prostate stimulator and you will be rewarded with sinfully intense orgasms.

Condoms

Condoms are like cheese and windshield wipers; if you buy the cheap stuff you’re going to get a cheap product.  Spend the extra few dollars on good condoms, not the stuff you get out of a vending machine in the bathroom of a bowling alley.  Two dollars is a small price compared to the cost of a baby or venereal disease.

Even among higher priced condoms there are still a lot of options, but most of those options are hokey novelties. Glow in the dark condoms are juvenile. Ribbed condoms aren’t very popular with the ladies. Flavored condoms are considerate to use when receiving safe oral sex. The safest bet is to just go with extra-lubricated condoms. When you’re getting frisky with a woman and you have to stop to struggle to put on a condom, if you have a hard time getting your covered penis back in her vagina you could lose your erection, which can lead to frustration, shame and anxiety. Extra lubricated condoms give you a little extra insurance that won’t happen, and they give your sexual partner little extra insurance that they won’t get rubbed raw by a dry condom.

The most pleasurable (and most expensive) condoms for men and women are called lamb skin condoms. However, they don’t protect against AIDS. So only use them with a committed partner who you know doesn’t have an STD (at least, not one that you don’t already have).

Sex Toys for Men and Women

Butt Plugs

If you’re new to anal sex, you may be intimidated by the anal isle at your local sex toy store. Books could be written about all the different kind of anal toys there are out there, but for starters you only need to know about one: butt plugs. Whether you’re exploring anal play alone or with a partner, butt plugs are safe, enjoyable tools to stimulate yourself with or loosen up someone’s back door to prepare them for anal sex.  Experienced anal sex aficionados will usually start with a small butt plug and gradually put larger ones in to loosen up the anus for anal sex.  Most porn stars do this behind the scenes of movies before a shoot.

Do not ever stick a regular vibrator up your ass! Butt plugs and anal stimulators are designed with a wide base so the toys can’t get accidentally sucked into your rectum.  A regular vibrator does not have that fail safe.

Vanilla Toys

Porn stores carry a useful selection of vanilla sex gear that anyone can use to add a little spice to their sex life like games, restraints, oils, edibles, and other stuff. If you’re too nervous to buy anything else the first time you go to a sex store, pick up one of these vanilla accessories. You probably won’t regret it. If nothing else buy some lube.  It’s not just for anal sex.  Water based lubricants tend to get sticky after a while.  Silicone lubricants feel great but they can stain sheets.

BDSM Gear

Porn stores also sell a useful selection of tools like whips, masks, ropes, riding crops, paddles and gags that are designed to inflict pain and bind the recipients of their use into mental, emotional and physical submission. It’s understandable how that could look and sound bad, but submissive role playing can be a healthy, happy, nurturing experience when done correctly. If you don’t believe me, there’s plenty of BDSM literatureout there that is very interesting to read even if you decide BDSM just isn’t for you. Everyone should own a pair of fuzzy handcuffs.  Metal ones hurt.  If you don’t want a pair of handcuffs laying around the house sex tape is a comfortable alternative that can add some kink to your life without making you feel like a dominatrix.

Sex Cushions

Sex cushions take up a lot of shelf space. So smaller stores may not stock many if any of these. You can order them online though, and every sexually active couple should have one or two of these. Sex is two bodies banging together. Great sex is two bodies banging together from comfortable, sustainable positions that often guide the penis towards the G-spot. Sex cushions open up possibilities for to fuck in slightly better positions. That’s worth spending money on.

Lingerie

Sex toy stores tend to sell a lot of lingerie. Unfortunately, most of it is outlandish. If you’re looking for elegant, classy lingerie to wear for a lover, go to Victoria’s Secret. Go clothing shopping at a porn store if you’re looking for something naughtier or you want a role playing costume like a naughty nurse or school girl.

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An Old Man From Jersey Explains: Does Everything Happen for a Reason?

Happens for a REason

 

Transcript:

Kid: Hey Mister!

Old Man: What do you want, kid?

Kid: Does everything happen for a reason?

Old Man: Does my answer have to be based on observable data?

Kid: Uhhh. Okay?

Old Man: Everything that happens is the logical product of the event preceding it.

Kid: So everything does happen for a reason.

Old Man: Yeah, plain old cause and effect.

Kid: Does that mean that everything that has ever happened was destined to happen exactly the way it did? Because that kind of seems like a waste of time.

Old Man: Well, there’s not data to support either conclusion anyway. So… that debate’s pointless.

Kid: What if like, all the inanimate matter in the universe is following a logical, preordained path, but humans get to move around free, and sometimes the inanimate matter in the universe reroutes itself to make our lives more convenient?

Old Man: Hmmm. That would be like moving out of your parents’ house and having your freedom, but your parents still come over to your house every night to wipe your butt.

Kid: How about we not be rude?

Old Man: How about we just go about our lives not worrying about hypothetical situations that there’s no evidence of being real?

Kid: Because I’d sleep better if I knew the entire universe wasn’t out to get me.

Old Man: Kid, you are the universe. If the universe is out to get you then it’s out to get itself.

Kid: That would be silly. So the universe must be out to help me then, right?

Old Man: It already helped you get here in the first place and gave you a brain, legs and opposable thumbs. How much more help do you think you should get?

Kid: As much as it takes for me to get a girlfriend and a car. Do you think if I pray to God or the universe, things will rearrange themselves like on that one movie, “The Adjustment Bureau” so I’ll get what I want?

Old Man: If there is a God, it probably knows better than you what you need and already has everything under control. God also probably already knows what you think, which raises the question, why are you wasting time talking to yourself when there are problems that need your attention?

If you’re praying to the universe, you may as well ask yourself to do the work. You’re the only being in the observable universe we know of that has the power to rearrange the universe at will according to a custom design. Which raises the question, why are you wasting time talking to yourself when there are problems that need your attention?

Kid: I came here to feel coddled, not to saddle myself with the responsibility for my fate.

Old Man: Maybe that was your preordained destiny.

Kid: Does that mean your preordained destiny was to destroy children’s dreams?

Old Man: Maybe that’s the universe answering a prayer you didn’t know to ask.

 

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How predatory Capitalism warps the way we define maturity

Dictionary.com defines “capitalism” as:

“an economic system in which investment in and ownership of the means of production, distribution, and exchange of wealth is made and maintained chiefly by private individuals or corporations, especially as contrasted to cooperatively or state-owned means of wealth.”

In and of itself, there’s nothing sinister about individuals or groups being able to own means of production. It becomes deathly sinister for workers and customers though when business owners underpay their workers and overcharge their customers… because that’s how poverty is created.

When a Capitalist economy goes full predatory, it hurts people in ways that can be measured by empirical quality of life statistics, but it also hurts people in more subtle, psychological ways, such as warping their perception of maturity.

Dictionary.com defines “maturity” as:

1. complete in natural growth or development, as plant and animal forms: a mature rose bush.

2. ripe, as fruit, or fully aged, as cheese or wine.

3. fully developed in body or mind, as a person: a mature woman.

4. pertaining to or characteristic of full development: a mature appearance; fruit with a mature softness.

5. completed, perfected, or elaborated in full by the mind: mature plans.

We know when a piece of fruit is mature, and we know when a human body is mature, but when is a human mind mature? That’s a philosophical question that humans have been arguing about since the dawn of civilization, and every culture has institutionalized their own opinions about what knowledge and ideas a mature person should have in their head. But there’s one prerequisite to maturity that all cultures hold (and must hold): the ability to survive and thrive in the local environment.

The skills it takes to survive change depending on the challenges of your local environment. For example, it would take different skills to survive and thrive in Alaska, Hawaii, Australia, Vietnam or New York City. If a “responsible” person moved from one environment to a place where there skills were inapplicable, the locals would watch that person struggle with the smallest responsibilities, and would likely view that person as immature. The locals would certainly look down on members of their own community who couldn’t master the environment they were raised in.

This concept is easy to observe when looking at primitive hunter/gatherer societies living in harsh natural environments. It becomes murkier when the environment is a modern, service-based economy that you grew up in and have taken for granted your entire life.

In the modern world the average worker doesn’t need to know how to build their own shelter or live off the land. Most people work at jobs in buildings where they make and sell goods or services. They get paid for their work with money, which can be used to buy anything, and in fact, is the only medium of exchange most businesses accept. In order to put a roof over your head, clothes on your back or food in your belly you need money. Money is survival, comfort, security, freedom and power. Since one’s ability to survive and thrive in a Capitalist economy depends on having money, that means for people living in that environment, responsibility is inextricably tied to making and keeping money. That’s not petty or materialistic. It’s simply the reality of the local environment, and the more predatory the economy is, the truer it is.

Growing up in an economy where surviving and thriving depends on making money, it’s natural for children to view people who have money as responsible and people who don’t as irresponsible. Children who never learn the causes of economic inequality tend to grow up into adults who worship the rich and despise the poor.

This is a warped perception of reality, because the way most millionaires and all billionaires get rich is by paying their workers the lowest wage that supply and demand and the law will allow while selling the cheapest goods and services at the highest price supply and demand and the law will allow. Then they pocket the difference. The poorest of the poor may have made bad decisions in their lives, but when the cost of living is higher than (or even slightly below) your income, you’re stuck struggling to keep your head above water most of your life or until the inevitable hospital bill finally robs you of everything you’ve saved.

There are those who would argue that there are ample options available to the poor to help them lift themselves out of poverty, and therefore anyone who doesn’t take those opportunities proves they’re irresponsible. While it’s true that some poor people pass up on opportunities, the fact of the matter is that most high paying jobs require a college degree. More often than not, employers care more about their applicants’ degrees and certificates than their actual job skills or work experience. Since a college degree costs as much as possible, the only way to get a college degree is to be born to rich parents or go into half a lifetime of debt.  Since the poorest, unskilled workers can’t afford to live a decent life, let alone a college degree, they’re shut out of most of the jobs that pay a living wage. To add insult to injury, uncredentialized employees who work 60 hours a week to provide for their family have to live with the stigma of not being mature or responsible enough to graduate college while the children of rich parents can party their way through four years of college, barely pass and still be viewed as more responsible and have more doors open to them.

The glass ceiling of the college degree cleanly separates society into two castes of people, and the easier it is to divide society into deserving and underserving classes, the easier it is to justify and accept exploiting the underclass. When a caste system becomes so ingrained in a culture, the under-class will even celebrate and defend it themselves. You can see this happening in almost any office building in America every day, and it’s not entirely illogical, just short-sighted.

Since survival depends on making money, and making money depends on getting a job, the people who are the best at keeping jobs have an evolutionary advantage over people who can’t hold down a job. Therefore, the ability to keep a job is a hallmark of responsibility and maturity. And the best way to keep a job is to do your duties correctly, go above and beyond your duties, follow all of your employer’s rules flawlessly and treat your employers with gracious respect. Since these are the skills employees need in order to survive, they’re responsible and mature behaviors.

These rules would be completely reasonable, but in a predatory capitalist economy, employees are already worked as hard, as fast and as long as possible with as few breaks and as little mercy as the law allows. That’s how hard poor people have to work to prove to their peers and bosses that they’re responsible, and they’re held to that level of accountability every single day. When that becomes the norm, and workers start holding their peers accountable to slave standards, they effectively police their own slavery. If those are the values they live by all day at work, those are the values they pass down to children. And from one point of view, they should, because that’s what it takes to survive.

Predatory businesses don’t just ask employees for their time and energy. They often take their employees dignity. Employees are often expected to wear humiliating uniforms, endure offensive treatment by customers and bosses, perform degrading tasks and address higher paid employees with higher titles and signs of respect. They’re expected to erase their personality while at work and act like soulless robots who love their job. Since these are the behaviors necessary to keeping a job and thus keeping an income, these behaviors are responsible and mature.

This means that being yourself and standing up for yourself are irresponsible. Quitting your job and pursuing your passion is seen as childish and naïve. And actually choosing not to have a full time job is looked down on as absolutely crazy. Many young people have a hard time adapting to this dignity-less environment when they enter the workforce, but if they live in it long enough they often come to accept and even embrace it.

Cultures always reflect their environment, and oppressive economic environments tend to create oppressive cultures with oppressive values. That’s exactly what’s happening in most of the world right now. While it may technically be responsible to beg, bow, scrape, fight and play the game to survive, that’s only because the economic environment was shaped by people who profit from exploitation. If our environment wasn’t designed to make life so hard and hopeless, responsibility would be defined by higher standards. We all have a responsibility to survive, but we also have a responsibility to our children and humanity in general. We’re not fulfilling our responsibility to our children by passing down instructions on how to be the ideal slave. We owe them a more humane economic environment, and until we deliver that, none of us are mature.

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Who will help me make some bread? (A children’s story about Capitalism)

One day Mother Hen gathered all the farm animals together at the big red barn in the middle of the farm and asked them, “Who will help me make some bread?”

All of the animals said, “We will help you make some bread, if we can help you eat the bread”

Mother Hen said, “Who will help me plow a field to grow some wheat to make the bread from?”

The horses said, “We will help you plow the field.” Then the horses went and plowed a field.

When the field was plowed, Mother Hen said, “Now who will help me plant the wheat?”

The birds said, “We will help you plant the field.” Then the birds went and buried seeds in field.

When the seeds had grown into tall wheat plants, Mother Hen asked the farm animals, “Who will help me harvest the wheat?”

The goats said, “We will help you harvest the wheat.” Then the goats went and harvested all the wheat.

When the wheat was harvested, Mother Hen asked the farm animals, “Who will help me grind the wheat?”

The cows said, “We will help you grind the wheat.” Then they went and ground all the wheat.

When the wheat was ground, Mother Hen asked the farm animals, “Who will help me bake the bread?”

The mice said, “We will help you bake the bread.” Then they went and baked all the wheat into a loaf of bread that rose bigger than the big red barn in the middle of the farm.

When the bread was ready to eat, the farm animals lined up to get their share. Mother Hen plucked off a crumb for each animal. All of the animals groaned and shouted, “Why are you giving us so little?”

Mother Hen shouted back angrily, “I did most of the work. So I’m entitled to most of the bread. Plus, I could have chosen someone else to do your job. So you should be grateful to get anything at all.”

And all the farm animals except Mother Hen lived abjectly ever after.

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