Reasons to be kind outside of religion

A cosmic appreciation for life

Think about this. Everything that exists in the universe is made of atoms, which are made of energy vibrations, which have been rearranging themselves according to brilliant mathematical equations for about 14 billion years. This energy is inanimate, and yet it possesses the instructions and power to assemble itself into living, breathing, reproducing, feeling, supercomputers that are supported by a growing, healing frame that’s wrapped in layers of pulleys and levers that work in tandem to create an acrobatic range of motion. Human beings are cosmic mysteries, 14 billion years in the making.

Reality is amazing. If you’re not impressed by life or the universe then you’re not paying attention. To anyone who is paying attention, it’s blatantly obvious that life is infinitely valuable. You don’t need a prophet to tell you that it’s wrong to hurt or kill people. You just need to open your eyes and appreciate life.

We’re all we’ve got.

Healthy babies will die in their cribs if they’re never touched. Solitary confinement is considered cruel and unusual punishment even for violent criminals.Nobody wants to spend the rest of their life alone, and everyone’s best memories are of times they spent with the people they loved. We need each other to survive, and we’re all we’ve got.

Sam Harris may have said it best when he said, “Consider it: every person you have ever met, every person will suffer the loss of his friends and family. All are going to lose everything they love in this world. Why would one want to be anything but kind to them in the meantime?”

If you’re looking for a reason to care about people, just go look someone in the eyes, and watch them looking back at you, affirming your existence. If you ever get lonely, you can go talk to that person, and they’ll share a whole universe of ideas and stories with you. They’ll make you laugh, cry, shout, relax, orgasm and all around live. They’re a reflection of yourself and a portal to another world. As cruel as people can be, we all know from personal experience that people are worth living for and protecting.

The war debt

Countless soldiers have died horrific, selfless deaths protecting your ancestors. Countless civilians have dedicated their entire lives to studying the universe, solving problems and improving the world those soldiers died protecting. Everyone who has ever held a job is a cog in the machine that turned the savage wilderness into cities with electricity and plumbing. Granted, there have been a lot of horrible, selfish people who left the world a worse place than they found it, but that just means we owe even more of a debt of gratitude to the people who carried the slackers’ share of the burden.

Even if our actions don’t have any consequences in the afterlife, it’s still logical to be grateful when someone does something nice for you. We stand on the shoulders of giants, and we owe a lifetime of gratitude to every one of our ancestors who fought, worked and died so we could have a better life than they did. The best way we can show our gratitude to them is to continue their legacy and improve the world for future generations. The very least we can do is not be mean and tear down the world we were given.

Fulfilling humanity’s potential

It’s not a burden of responsibility to strive to make the world better by doing things as small as being kind to strangers or as big as devoting your life to curing cancer. It’s an opportunity to be a part of something amazing and meaningful. Look at how far humans have come in 10,000 years. We went from living in caves to flying to the moon. Humanity’s knowledge and skills have been increasing at an exponential rate, and we’re very close to reaching a tipping point in technology that will revolutionize civilization more than the invention of the steam engine or the internet. That’s worth being a part of just because it’ll be fun, and it’s not like we have anything better to do. Why not play a part in fulfilling humanity’s potential?

Sure, we might not personally reap all the benefits, but at least we can enter eternal sleep with a clear conscience, and we can rest well knowing our descendants will have a better life than we did. And if you’re having trouble finding meaning in life outside of religion, or you’re still a little worried about your actions being judged after death, you can find relief in making the world a better place. If it turns out that life really is meaningless, and nothing matters, at least you’ll have spent your life feeling good about your actions.

A spiritual but not religious apreciation for the divine

Agnostics and people who are “spiritual but not religious” are willing to concede that there may be some force somewhere in the universe that fits some definition of the word, “God.” If there is a God, it would be nice to know it’s true name, but we play the hand we’re dealt, and agnostics are comfortable with appreciating The Artist’s work without knowing The Artist’s name. That simple, general sense of gratitude and respect for a vaguely defined, theoretical God still tends to inspire half-believers to treat God’s creations with respect and reverence.

Many half-believers also speculate that God is everywhere and that humans are a reflection of God. Without outright believing in those two statements, the mere possibility of them being true still motivates some nonreligious people to respect life as much (if not more) than anyone who believes in ancient mythology.

Pascal’s Wager (modified)

Blaise Pascal posed the question (and I’m paraphrasing), “Isn’t it safer to believe in Jesus and be wrong, than to not believe in Jesus and be wrong?” This question is illogical for at least two reasons. First, Christianity is easily falsifiable. It’s blatantly mythology. Being a Christian doesn’t require faith in the absence of evidence. It requires active denial of reality in the face of overwhelming evidence.  Secondly, believing in Christian mythology is no more logical than believing in Buddhist or Hindu mythology. So there’s no advantage to picking Christianity over any other random mythology.

Still, the question raises an interesting point. Anything could have happened before the universe came into existence, and anything could happen after we die. We don’t know for sure that our actions will have any repercussions in the afterlife, but why not play it safe and try to behave while we’re here on Earth, just in case?

Of course, that raises the question, how do you know what’s immoral if you don’t have an instruction book written by a prophet? The answer is to think and talk about ethics using the brain and mouth you were given. There are logic-based moral codes out there that are far more humane and productive than mythology-based moral codes.

Atheists may laugh at agnostics for trying to guess what their vaguely defined, theoretical, laissez faire God wants them to do. I’m not saying atheists are wrong, but they’re faulting people for hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. Hope doesn’t cost anything, but hopelessness can literally kill you. And if fear of the unknown motivates people to do what they were supposed to be doing anyway then… that’s convenient.

Immediate karma and karma ghosts

Our actions may not determine our quality of afterlife, but they do determine the quality of our experiences in the immediate present. If we spend all day being mean to people, we’ll experience an angry, ugly day. If we spend all day being nice to people, we’ll experience a full day of pleasantness. If we’re mean for 20,000 days straight, we’ll have a lifetime of painful memories to look back on. If we’re nice for 20,000 days straight, we’ll have a lovely life to look back on.

There may not be a supernatural incentive program at work that magically causes good deeds to come back to good people and bad deeds to haunt bad people. However, we do live in the world we create. If you piss off everyone in town, you’re going to live in an unfriendly town. If you’re nice to everyone in town, you’ll inspire everyone to be nice to each other, and everyone will keep “paying it forward,” creating a self-perpetuating cycle of kindness. If we keep being nice to each other, eventually we won’t have to lock our doors at night or carry weapons for self-defense. So, without even getting philosophical, kindness is just practical.

Humility

Religions tend to divide mankind into “the chosen” and “the unworthy,” “the good” and “the evil,” “the saved” and “the damned.” Scientific thinkers don’t have any reason to divide humanity into any such categories. From a scientific point of view, everyone comes from the same place. Everyone had their ass wiped when they were children, and everyone’s shit stinks. Everyone’s body breaks down, and in the end we all die. You can’t level up into a more transcendental being. No matter what we do or believe, we’ll always just be walking, talking puddles of dirty water.

At the same time, we’re also cosmic miracles. We’re biological robots with supercomputers in our heads that are smart and strong enough to reshape the universe itself. A lot of care and effort went into designing us. The evidence points to the conclusion that we’re all equally, infinitely valuable…. puddles of dirty water.

As smart and powerful as we are though, we were born existentially blind. We don’t and can’t know the final answers to life’s mysteries. We’re just stranded in this cold, lonely universe to stand or fall on our own. Since we don’t and can’t know what the point of life is, it doesn’t make sense to punish the hell out of people during life or after death for getting the point wrong. We’re all equally beautiful, and we’re also equally big screw ups. At the end of the day, we’re all family too. The only logical conclusion to come to in life is that we should celebrate, forgive and help each other.

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Tips on flirting with men and women

Note: The following two blogs explain how to be a generally attractive person. Once you’ve got that down, you’re ready to start flirting.

Tips on Impressing Men

Tips on Impressing Women

Love yourself.

If you love yourself, you probably won’t be afraid to talk to the opposite sex. You won’t have reason to doubt yourself, and you won’t be offended by rejection. You probably won’t be rejected though, because you’ll be an infectiously enjoyable person. When you finally settle down in a relationship, you’ll probably make a great partner, because you’ll have a lot of patience and be easy to get along with. And you won’t even have to muster up inner strength to behave this way, because it’ll just be how you are.

If you look down on yourself and beat yourself up all the time, you’ve already set yourself up to fail at flirting and being in a relationship. You’re going to give yourself a panic attack just stressing out over talking to the opposite sex in the first place. Your conversations are going to be forced and awkward for everyone involved. If you do ever get in a relationship, you’re not going to make your partner smile, and eventually, your unhappiness will make them feel like a failure. In the end, they’ll probably leave you for someone who lifts them up emotionally instead of dragging them down.

If this describes you, understand that no amount of inner strength is going to help you lift the rock crushing your morale. The problem is that you don’t understand your true worth. Someone convinced you to base your self-worth on shortsighted criteria, and you need to talk to a therapist about realigning your perception of reality. You deserve to be loved, particularly by yourself. If you’re willing to put a lot of work into getting laid or married, then put a lot of work into loving yourself. When you do that, you’ll naturally cultivate most of the character traits that members of the opposite sex find attractive.

Find your target audience, and market yourself to them

Life is short, and you’re not getting any younger. You don’t have time to waste hoping your one true love falls in your lap by chance. Speed up the process by figuring out what kind of a person you’re looking for. Then figure out what kind of places those people go. Then go there.

If you’re already pursuing your passion in life, if you’re already living somewhere you love doing things you love, then you’re already in the perfect place to find someone who shares your values and goals. Just keep doing what you’re doing, and there’s a good chance you actually will run into your soul mate. If you’re not pursuing your passions, then that’s the first reason you haven’t found someone you’re compatible with. You’re in the wrong place.

If you don’t have any passions at all then there’s nothing inside you to be compatible with. In that case, you’ll be most compatible with other people who don’t have any personality, and you might have the best chance of finding someone you click with at Wal~Mart.

If all you want is sex, then go to a night club and buy drinks for the sluttiest dressed person there. Or just skip the game and hire a prostitute. Either way, always use a condom.

There’s absolutely no shame in using Internet dating. It’s a streamlined way to meet people who share your interests, and you can learn as much from reading their profile as you can from dating for six months. Online dating is a powerful, practical solution to a complex problem, and anyone who recognizes that is at least a little intelligent.

Put your best foot forward.

Most people decide whether you’ll ever have a chance of sleeping with them within five seconds of meeting you… before you even say a word. We’re able to make that judgment so quickly because a picture is worth a thousand words, and the way you present yourself is equivalent to giving a silent dissertation about yourself.

This means, if you’re going to stress out over how to get someone to have sex or fall in love with you, then stress out over looking sexy and successful. If you can look sexy and successful, then even if you do screw up your pickup line, it won’t matter because the other person will already be hooked. If you don’t put any effort into your appearance, you may as well stop reading, because the rest of this guide isn’t going to help you. Your target will have already made up their mind about you, and there will be little you can do to redeem yourself.

The first look

Every romantic encounter/relationship must follow this logical progression of events: Look, talk, touch, sex. Everything begins with a look. After all, how can you have sex with someone if you’ve never seen them? So the first thing you have to do in order to pick up a date is get them to look at you. If you already look good, they’ll already be interested in talking to you.

If you can get all the other guys or girls in the room looking at you, then each individual person will want you more, because competition for a resource drives up the perceived value of that resource. If you’re a rare resource that multiple people want, they’ll each pay a higher price to beat the competition. For example, a sexy, successful musician doesn’t need to flirt. He could actually be a horrible person, but if every girl in a crowd knows that every other girl in the crowd wants him, he can just sit back and let them pump up his value like a penny stock in a boiler room until the women are scratching each other’s faces to win the man all the other girls want.

You can also use this concept to pick up serious dates. Find what you’re passionate about in life, and then host an event related to your passion. If you love reading, start a book club. If you love music, host music classes or small concerts. Start a meet up group or find some other way to put yourself in a position where people you want to date will look up to you. That will attract the kind of people you’re looking for in the first place, and those people will associate you as an alpha member of the pack. Then they’ll be the ones using pickup lines on you.

The first talk

After making eye contact, the only way a romantic encounter can move forward is for the two people to talk. Both men and women overthink this way too much. In reality, talking to the opposite sex is simple and logical. I’ll walk you through it.

When entering a flirting scenario, your first goal is to exchange names. Until they know you’re name, you don’t exist, and they can’t have sex with someone who doesn’t exist. After you’ve exchanged names you become a real human being with a life and future. You also gain power over them. Dale Carnegie once said, “The sweetest word anyone can hear in any language is their own name.” Flattery will get you everywhere, and it’s flattering to simply hear your own name, because it highlights your existence and makes you center of attention. When someone addresses you by your name, it means they know who you are, and that’s intimate. If you ever hope to sleep with a person, you need to establish a consistent track record of shared intimate experiences. You can begin establishing a history of intimacy with another person immediately by simply using their name in conversation a few times.

Of course, they need to know more about you than your just your name to determine if you’re worth sleeping with. Talking to them gives you the opportunity to shape their impression of you. You don’t need to convince them that you’re the most impressive human being to ever walk the earth. You just need to convince them that you’re worth spending more time with, and you don’t have to blow their mind to accomplish that. All you have to do is make them smile, and that’s very easy to do. All you have to do is compliment them. But directly complimenting their physical body can come across as creepy. Instead, try complimenting their clothes or haircut, because when you compliment something they chose, you’re not only complimenting their external appearance, you’re also complimenting their decision making skills. Plus, if you like something they like then that means you have something in common.

Excessively bragging about yourself usually backfires for several reasons. First, it makes you look like a selfish, arrogant prick. Even if you’re not trying to be arrogant, people only want to be a little impressed by you. The bigger and better your life is than theirs, the more intimidating you are and the less you have in common.

Nobody wants to hear about your life anyway. Most people would rather talk about themselves than listen to you jerk yourself off. If you have no idea what to talk to a stranger about, just ask them about themselves. If you can get them talking about themselves, they’ll probably have a great time talking to you even though they pretty much did all the work. That’s not to say you should grill them on their entire life story. Just find out what they’re interested in, and get them to talk about that. Actively listen, and try to throw in a witty comment, joke or compliment every once and a while to keep them smiling. If you can do that, they’ll probably want to talk to you again.

The first touch

Everyone has a personal space bubble around them that strangers aren’t allowed in. Eventually, you want the person you’re flirting with to let you past all their defenses so you can experience their body completely. How do you transition from being completely shut out to being granted total access? The answer is, one degree of intimacy at a time.

Suppose you meet someone you’re attracted to, and the two of you end up hanging out on a regular basis for the next couple of weeks. If the only time you ever touch them is to shake hands, then their mind will subconsciously categorize you as a person who doesn’t enter their personal space. The more normal that becomes, the harder it’ll be to earn permission past their barriers. Sooner rather than later, you’ll be stuck in the friend zone forever.

The more times you make physical contact with another person, the more their mind associates you with physical contact, thus the more receptive they’ll be to having more physical contact with you. Obviously, you don’t want to go around groping people, but there are plenty of innocuous ways to touch someone: hugs, pats on the back, shoulder massages, playful shoves, accidentally bumping into them, handing something to them and making sure your hands accidentally touch, feeling their clothes, etc. You can even plan to do activities together that involve physical contact like playing basketball.

Take a chance.

Women can separate the boys from the men just by standing around and seeing who has the courage to talk to them. Introducing one’s self is just the first test you have to pass to get laid or married. At the end of the first conversation, you’ll need to ask for the other person’s number and schedule a date. This will be even more risky and awkward if you’ve already known the person as an acquaintance or coworker for a while. After you’ve been involved with someone romantically for a while, eventually you’ll want to express your love to them and maybe even ask them to spend the rest of their life with you.

It can be scary to ask someone to take their relationship with you to the next level, but the only thing there really is to fear, is fear itself. If you love yourself, you can survive and thrive on your own. If someone turns you down, you look at it as their loss… not that anyone has to be the bad guy. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and most of them aren’t right for you anyway. Finding love is like inventing the light bulb. You have to find 10,000 things that don’t work in order to find the one that does. So getting rejected is usually more of a win than a loss.

Asking for someone’s telephone number or hand in marriage might seem like putting your head on the chopping block, but that would only be true if the person you’re hitting on is an executioner. Most people don’t look forward to judging and hurting everyone who hits on them. We want people to hit on us, and we want them to succeed. Even when we do turn someone down, we usually don’t see them as pathetic losers who stuck their nose where it didn’t belong. We see them as that person who had the confidence to punch above their weight class.

You might strike out the first time you go up to bat, but the game isn’t over until everyone is married or dead. If someone turns you down, and you take it with dignity, make a joke out of it, and let them know they may still have a chance with you if they ever change their mind, there’s a good chance that the next time they’re deciding who to drunk dial, they might remember how confident you were in the face of defeat. Then they might decide they want someone strong like you to hold them tonight.

I’m not saying that only incomplete, immature people feel fear and shame. Fear is healthy, and the secret to overcoming fear isn’t to not feel it. The secret is to feel it and do the thing you’re scared of anyway. The more times you do that, the less fear will paralyze you. Also it’s a sign of good mental health for you to feel pain when someone you care about rejects you. That means you’re human. But you simply can’t make a categorical imperative out of letting fear prevent you from taking risks.

If you risk nothing, you gain nothing. If you do nothing, you’ll never live. You won’t lose the game of life by striking out. You’ll lose by never showing up to the game. Ironically, you don’t actually risk anything by flirting. The only way flirting will hurt you is if you beat yourself up over it. If you don’t beat yourself up then there are no risks. There are only potential gains, and you stand to gain everything you’ve ever wanted.

It can be confusing for men to figure out when a woman want him to take their relationship to the next level. Women often talk around what they’re trying to say and drop hints leading to what they’re really trying to tell you. The questions a man has to ask himself is, how much attention is she paying to me, and how hard is she trying to impress me. If she’s going out of her way for you, she’s telling you something.

Women make talking to men way harder than it has to be. Men don’t communicate with each other by talking around what they’re saying and dropping hints. They communicate by speaking directly and saying what they mean. If you want to tell a man something, it helps to speak his language. If your man isn’t getting the hint, don’t rack your brain trying to figure out a better way to drop hints. The problem isn’t that you’re bad at dropping hints. The problem is that you’re playing cryptic mind games instead of speaking directly to him in his native language.

If you see a sexy guy anywhere, you can just walk up to him and say, “Hey, you seem interesting. Feel like talking?” He’ll probably thank his lucky stars he found a girl he doesn’t have to play mind games with, and he would probably love to talk to you. However, it would creep a lot of men out if a woman approached him and said, “You’re hot. Let’s have sex.” There are a lot of men who would agree to have sex without even thinking about it, but they may view that woman as desperate, which means they can do better.

Women, after the first date, and for the rest of your life, you don’t need to play games with men to get them to like you. All you have to do is communicate openly with them. If/when you do talk around what you’re really trying to say, drop hints and play mind games, your man probably won’t understand what you’re trying to tell him, and it will frustrate him. Also, understand that when your man communicates with you, he’s probably going to speak to you directly. The younger he is the more likely he is to not even know that men and women communicate differently. I’m not saying it’s every woman’s responsibility to think and act exactly like a man all the time. I’m just forewarning you what to expect from men.

Continue to look and be attractive, successful, ambitious and kind

First impressions are important, but every day is important, and the best always have style. If you only own one nice pair of clothes that you wear to parties, you’re going to slowly lose your partner’s interest. If you always dress to impress and wear nice underwear, you’ll continually rekindle your partner’s interest in you.

If you don’t have a stable job or any ambitions then you’re not a good catch. You’re a liability. You might be cute, funny, genuine and inspiring, but you can’t buy baby clothes with a great personality. I’m just saying, don’t expect someone to take care of you for the long haul if you can’t take care of them at all.

The more you can make a person smile the first time you meet them, the more they’ll want to see you a second time. The more you make a person smile the second time you see them, the more they’ll want to see you a third time. If you make them smile every day, they’ll look forward to seeing you every day, but when you stop making them smile they’ll stop wanting to be around you. You make people smile by looking attractive, having a refreshingly positive outlook on life, being funny, supportive, witty, useful and good at sex.

It’s also worth emphasizing that compliments aren’t just for first impressions. Everyone wants to have sex with someone who can make them feel beautiful and special for a night. Everyone wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who always makes them feel beautiful and special.

If you always present yourself as sexy, successful, confident, ambitious and pleasant to be around, then you won’t have to chase after love interests. All you’ll have to do is keep showing up and being a joy to be around, and love interests will chase after you. In fact, if you have to constantly chase after someone and fight and beg for them to pay attention to you, you’re probably wasting your time. If they were interested in you, they’d already be paying attention to you. Likewise, if someone is paying attention to you, they’re probably interested in you.

If someone turns you down once, but you keep pestering them long enough, you might be able to win them over. Before you go through all that trouble though, ask yourself what it says about them that they didn’t recognize how wonderful you are from the beginning? Sure, they might have some virtues that make them worth pursuing, but life is short, and there are millions of wonderful lovers out there who would go out of their way to be with you if they only knew you existed. It would probably be a better use of your time to look for those lovers instead of trying to convince someone who’s just not that into you that they’re wrong about what they want.

The more desperately you want someone, the more power you give over them, and the less likely they are to ever date you. This is petty, but we don’t do it because we’re evil. We do it because our brains are so extensively designed to operate on autopilot that very we’re easy to manipulate. You see, everyone is looking for the most valuable mate, and if we can date out of our league, so much the better for us and our children. Also, when there’s a lack of supply of a resource, the perceived value of the resource increases. For these reasons, it makes you look like more valuable mate when someone knows they can’t have you.

On the other side of the coin, when you stalk someone, you send the message that they’re out of your league. Even if you really are a great match for them, they might not recognize it after you get done telling them what a small fish you are.

This is a big part of why women have a reputation for dating jerks instead of nerds with a heart of gold. This is also why some of the more sociopathic dating guides instruct men to insult women. Sadly, it often works, because it creates the perception that the man is out of the woman’s league. In my opinion, if you’re hurting and consciously manipulating your date then you’ve failed at being a good lover and a good person. So I wouldn’t suggest insulting your date. You don’t have to establish your dominance over them anyway. Just be their equal, and don’t go out of your way to put yourself beneath them.

Have fun.

You usually have to take someone on a few dates before they let you have sex with them, and you usually have to court them even longer before they’ll let you marry them. This raises the question, how do you keep someone interested in you throughout the courtship phase, let alone the rest of your life?

All you have to do to keep someone interested in you is keep them smiling. Unfortunately, men and women both make this way harder than it has to be. If you’re stressing over how to make someone smile, you’re overthinking it. You don’t have to do much. You almost don’t have to do anything. As long as you’re do the things that make you smile, then chances are you’re going to make the people around you smile. If you’re taking care of yourself, and you’re happy with your life, then you’ll be fun to be around. If you don’t fulfill your own wants and do the things you enjoy, then you’ll sulk around like the hollow vessel you are. So, if you want people to enjoy being around you, then just have fun yourself, and your good vibes will infect everyone around you.

If your schedule is already filled with personally rewarding activities, then you won’t need to rack your brain trying to figure out where to take a date. Just bring them along with you to do the things you were going to do anyway. They’ll have fun, and it’ll help them get to know you. You’ll demonstrate how interesting and proactive you are, and if they don’t enjoy your favorite activities, then you’ll know not to invest any more time pursuing a deeper relationship with them. That date didn’t fail. It succeeded in informing you to move on.

Remember that the person you’re flirting with is also an independent person who has their own interests. The quickest, easiest way to make people happy is to give them what they want. So if you want to take someone on a date that they’ll be sure to enjoy, just find out what their interests are, and then cater to those interests. If they love the symphony, then buy two tickets to the symphony. If they like hiking, then plan a hiking trip. If they like dogs, then do something with dogs. You don’t need to sit around racking your brain trying to figure out what to do to make someone happy. Just ask them what they like to do, and then go do those things with them.

Be yourself.

The meaning of life is not to be someone else’s slave. If you change everything about yourself to please someone else, that makes you a hollow, empty person. If you succeed at impressing your date that way, you’ll fail at the larger goal of becoming yourself. If you never become yourself, then you’ll never fulfill any of your own goals with which to draw purpose, happiness and confidence from. Then there will be nothing within you for your partner to connect to, let alone admire in you. Sure, you’ll be a great slave, but you’ll be boring and emotionally unsatisfying. Plus, as pleased as your partner may be by your obedience, they’ll come to see you as unworthy of their love since you made it so clear how out of your league they are.

Most people could benefit from exercising more, eating healthier, being more responsible, grooming themselves and dressing nicer. However, it’s mentally unhealthy to change everything about yourself to please another person. Another downside of dressing and acting like someone you’re not, is that if you do meet someone you’re perfectly compatible, they won’t recognize your potential and will just walk (or run) right past you.

The goal of dating isn’t to impress every single person you talk to. The goal is to find the right person for you. If you succeed at bringing the wrong person home, then you’ve failed at dating. If your date won’t accept you for who you are, then they’re not the person you’re looking for anyway. Be yourself, and be relieved by the fact that your unique style is going to drive away at least a third of the dating pool, because the more people who run away from you, the easier it is to pick out your soul mate from the people who are left.

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Tips on Impressing Men

All men are different, and every individual man changes over time, which means it’s impossible to make universal generalizations about men. However, if you want to impress them, you need to have some kind of understanding of how they think and behave. This guide is a starting point, and it makes a lot of generalizations. Take them with a grain of salt, and pay attention to the man you’re trying to impress to figure out his specific wants.

Reading this guide, you may find yourself thinking, “Hey, a lot of these points talk about how hard it is to be a man. Well, it’s just as hard, if not harder to be a woman. So shouldn’t men be following the same advice in how they treat women?” The answer to that question is, yes, and women’s issues are just as important as men’s. But this is an essay about how women can impress men. So that’s what it focuses on.

Evolutionary Psychology is the Most Useful Way to Understand Dating

There are more anatomical differences between men and women than just our sex organs. Our entire bodies are filled with subtle differences, which optimize our gender-specific role in reproduction. Just as our bodies are wired a little different, so are our brains. Everyone’s brain is hardwired with instincts that subconsciously manipulate our decision making process into doing things that will improve our chances of passing our genes on through an ideal mate. We’re not complete automatons, but we’re not completely free or unique either.

We’re all looking for the ideal mate, and even if we don’t have any idea what he or she looks like, the instinctual autopilot ghosts inside our heads do. They’re looking for a mate who can help us and our offspring climb Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Men and women have slightly different strengths, weaknesses, thought processes, and social expectations. So the way they climb the hierarchy of needs is a little different. Females have the greatest chance of passing on their genes if they mate with a healthy, successful male who will stay with her for the long haul.

Men, on the other hand, have been told their entire life by society that it’s their responsibility to make enough money to support an entire family and be a strong leader. They might not live all the way up to those expectations, but they typically aren’t looking for a woman to protect and provide for them. What men are looking for is a woman who will be their mother, lover and copilot through their lifelong quest to find themselves and provide for their family.

Think of the five stages of the Hierarchy of Needs as five fronts in man’s battle against the world. The more a woman can assist him in each of those battles, the more valuable and thus attractive of a life partner she’ll be… and the more he’ll want to fight for her.

The First Front: Survival Psychology

Life is a battle for survival. You can lose every other battle in life and keep going, but not the battle for survival. When you show a man that you can give birth to healthy babies and help him and his offspring survive and thrive, you give him a reason to want you in his life. He might not think in those terms, but the instinctual evolutionary ghosts inside his head do. He might even have inflexible reasons for staying single and childless, but if you send the right signals to the ghosts in his head, they’ll put rose colored glasses over his eyes. He might not change his entire life for you, but a part of him will be attracted to you.

Be attractive (in all 5 senses).

Evolution wants us to copulate with the healthiest mate in order to produce the healthiest offspring. So subconsciously we associate indicators of good health with attractiveness. Women are programmed to like big, strong, healthy men who are well groomed, smell nice and dress for success. Men are programmed to be attracted to women with toned skin, vibrant hair, a breast-hip-waist ratio of about 86-61-86 cm, who smell nice and have a soothing voice. Granted, that’s just the middle of the Bell Curve. There are men with fetishes for every conceivable body type, but statistically speaking, women have the highest chance of impressing the most amount of men by being healthy and fit.

You could argue that men should blindly accept women for who they are regardless of their body type, and there’s truth to that statement. There’s also truth to the statement that everyone should be striving to be healthy for their own sake anyway. It’s also true that an unhealthy lifestyle leads to health problems, and your problems become your family’s problems. If you choose to burden your family with unnecessary problems then you’re a liability to them. Men might not fully realize or care about that, but Mother Nature does, and she generally tries to steer men towards healthier members of the dating pool. That’s not petty. It’s practical. Even if it’s unfair, that’s life.

Be willing and eager to pleasure him sexually.

It’s the least profound thing in the world to say that men want to have sex. 99% of the male population masturbates because 99% of the male population is effectively addicted to sex. 99% of the male population is searching for a woman who wants to have sex with him. So, after looking sexy, the quickest, most effective way a woman can make a man more attracted to her is to have quality sex with him.

This doesn’t mean that men will automatically commit to and love a woman after she’s had sex with him. Nor does it mean that women should rush into having sex or let every guy they sleep with give them “ass to mouth.” Sex is a major life decision for a woman, and the decision belongs to her completely. She doesn’t owe her body to any man for any reason.

I’m just pointing out that sex is as important to men as success is to women, and if you give someone what they want then they’ll want to be around you more often. Men want sexual pleasure. So the more sexual pleasure you give them, the happier they’ll be, the more they’ll want to be around you and reciprocate the happiness you’ve given them.

The only way for couples to understand exactly what their partner’s sexual expectations are, is for them to communicate directly and openly. The more conversations couples have about their sexual expectations the more successfully they’ll be able to meet them on mutually agreeable terms.

If you have no idea how to please a man sexually, here are a few blogs that may help improve your sexual technique. Several of these blogs are directed towards men, but they’re useful to women too:

Help him succeed, and don’t hold him back.

Every man is on a mission to prove his worth to himself, his family, his boss and the world. The stakes are his survival, dreams and self-worth. The last thing in the world a man needs is a woman who constantly finds fault in him, tears him down, punishes him, spends his money and doesn’t contribute. Marrying a woman like that is probably the most irresponsible thing a man can do. He’d have a better chance of recovering financially and emotionally from a heroin addiction.

Life is hard for men. They work their butts off and stress over taking care of their family. It’s a profound relief for a man to find a woman who not only acknowledges and respects the weight he’s under, but does whatever is in her power to help him succeed. The easier she makes his life, the more valuable of a mate she becomes. Women should be proactively plotting how to build up their man and help him succeed anyway, because when he succeeds, the family succeeds. A woman who tears down her man and won’t lift a finger for him is just shooting her lover in the back and herself in the foot.

The Second Front: Safety Psychology

Life isn’t lived when you’re constantly fighting for survival. A man is as grateful for woman who can foster a sense of safety and harmony in his life as a soldier is grateful for a bunker.

Be faithful.

There’s no point in a man fighting for a woman who is just going to leave him. When a woman does cheat on a man, it means everything he fought for was in vain. Not only did he lose, he lost because he was betrayed by the very person he was fighting for. Getting cheated on is one of the most humiliating, emasculating tragedies that could happen to a man. If you want another man, then leave the one you have first, because cheating is as cruel as kicking puppies.

Life is war, and war is a lonely, terrifying place when you can’t trust the soldier next to you. If you can though, your worries will be halved, and the two of you will experience an interpersonal bond that transcends all others.

Be there when he needs you.

Pampering a man too much makes a baby out of him and a slave out of you. However, men’s minds and bodies take a lot of hits and go through a lot of wear and tear. So they need regular preventative and corrective maintenance. Most of the time all he needs is a pat on the back, a kiss on the forehead, a hug and a compliment about his penis. As little positive feedback as men often get from life, a massage, blowjob or home cooked meal can feel like Christmas to a man. So it should come as no surprise that a man will climb a mountain to be with a woman who is there for him when he needs her.

Don’t be a gold digger.

Men work hard to provide for their family, and life is as expensive as it can be. Everything we buy costs as much as possible, and the more vital the product or service, the more overpriced it is. You have to go into a lifetime of debt just to get a college degree that opens entry level career doors, and most jobs pay as little as possible and offer as few benefits as possible. Mortgages are so overpriced that you have to go into another 30 years of debt to buy a house, and even if you can beat the system and save enough for retirement, all of your savings will be wiped out by astronomical health care bills in old age. Our entire economy is designed to make the rich richer by making the poor poorer.  This is the entire reason why so many people have to work as hard and as fast as they can for 40+ hours per week at jobs they hate making barely enough to survive- because workers are fighting a battle that they’ve been set up to fail.

The last thing a man needs in his life is a gold digger wasting the money he paid for in blood, setting him and his family back, making him work longer and harder just to keep up. Men are often happy to give away all their money to the woman they’re infatuated or in love with, but in the end, all the added stress that comes with supporting a wasteful spender will make a man frustrated, anxious and depressed. This will make him unpleasant to live with, and the relationship will probably end in flames.

Considering what a burden it is for a man to support a gold digger, imagine what a relief it is to a man to find out that his date isn’t a gold digger. Now, imagine how grateful he would be to find out that his date, not only isn’t a gold digger, but will actually spend money on him. Men never expect women to spend money on them. They expect to be expected to be women’s slaves. So when a woman spends money on a man, it’s like setting him free… unless he’s an ultra conservative, old fashioned good ole’ boy. Then he’d probably be offended that you broke his colloquial social customs.

The Third Front: Social Psychology

Impress his family and friends.

Everyone takes their relationships seriously. Women talk to their friends and family about the men in their life all the time, and the opinions of their inner circle holds a lot of sway. Men do the same thing. So if you want a guy to like you, it will only help if his friends and family like you. Pissing off his family and friends is just setting yourself up for failure.

Don’t lower a man’s rank in the social hierarchy.

Women are generally more turned on by men in authority than men are by women in authority, and women are more excited by the prospect of dating a popular/famous person than men are. Whether or not a woman raises a man’s social standing is usually a non-issue to him. Men are more concerned with what a woman can do for him behind closed doors. Having said that, there’s a limit to how big of a hit a man will take in his reputation for a woman. Basically, as long as you’re not an offensive, repulsive, stinky mutant you should be okay. So if you want to obsess over how you can go above and beyond to make a man attracted to you, don’t focus on how you can improve his reputation. Focus more on how you can make him smile and lower his stress level.

Don’t cause his peers to lose respect for him.

Most adult males aren’t too concerned with popularity, but they are concerned with being respected by the people they regularly interact with. Losing the respect of their peers would devastate their sense of self-worth.

There’s not much a woman can do to help a man gain the respect of his peers other than helping him succeed in life in general. Even if you could somehow talk a man’s friends into respecting him more, that’s not a woman’s job, and it’s not necessary anyway. All you have to do is not embarrass and emasculate him in front of people he respects. You’d think that would go without saying, but soon-to-be-single women do it every day.

The Fourth Front: Self-Esteem

Make him feel good and smile.

This is a simple yet powerful truth: Everyone wants to feel good. So we naturally gravitate towards people who make us smile, and we recoil from people who make us frown. The more you can make a man smile, the more reasons you give him to keep coming back to you. The less you make him smile, and the more you make him frown, the more reasons you give him to stay away from you.

Boost his confidence.

A man who believes in himself will find a way to overcome any obstacle. A man who doesn’t believe in himself will find a way to screw up every opportunity. Confidence is one of the biggest prerequisites to success. So it should come as no surprise that women find confidence in a man so sexy.

What does come as a surprise is how many women will criticize, insult, and guilt-trip men for failing to live up to their expectations. When a woman lowers a man’s confidence, she reprograms his brain to fail more. When a woman compliments her man out of the blue, praises his success, and reassures him when he fails, she reprograms his brain to succeed more.

Not only is she designing a stronger man to take care of her and her offspring, she’s making him happier. A confident mind is a safe, enjoyable place to live. A self-loathing mind is a horrible place to live. If you give a man a reason to feel better about himself, you give him a reason to come back to you. If you give a man a reason to doubt himself, you give him a reason to recoil from you.

Show him you value and appreciate him.

It doesn’t cost anything to say, “You’re special. I care about you. I love you. I appreciate you. You mean the world to me.” When a man hears those words, it validates all the work he’s ever done in his entire life to get where he is today, and it validates all the work he’s put into impressing and catching the woman he’s with. It’s basically telling him, “You win.” Yes, men want to hear that, and they have little motivation to leave a woman who makes him feel like a winner.

You can tell your man you care about him by saying it with a blow job, a thoughtful gift, a look, or a kiss. How you express your love is limited only by your imagination, but if you never actually verbally articulate to a man in no uncertain terms that you care about him, he’ll eventually start feeling like a loser. He’ll feel empty and hurt inside and start thinking about leaving you for someone he can win with… which would be tragically ironic if you actually did care about him.

The Fifth Front: Self-Actualization

When all of life’s trials have been conquered, the only thing left to do is achieve self-actualization. This is the cherry on top of the love cake. If you can pass the fifth trial then you can connect with your lover on the deepest emotional, mental and spiritual levels.

Understand him.

In order to make a man happy, you have to fulfill his wants. You won’t know what he wants until you understand him. Learn everything you can about him until you know him so well you can predict his wants. But as you’re studying him, understand that you’re not just doing it so that you can be a better servant to him. Most men don’t want to spend the rest of their life with a servant. They want to spend the rest of their life with a woman who gets them.

Support his interests.

Most men are looking for a woman to devote their life to, but that doesn’t mean the only thing they want to do with the rest of their life is follow you around like a whipped slave, catering to your every need and obeying your every command. A man is his own person. He has his own goals and interests, and he takes great personal satisfaction out of pursuing his own path.

When a woman shows interest in a man’s hobbies, she shows interest in the man. When she supports the hobby, she supports the man. When she ignores his interests, she ignores him. When she tell him his interests are stupid and a waste of time, she tells him that he’s stupid and a waste of time. Thus, she tells him that it would be a stupid, waste of time to stay with her.

Don’t emasculate him.

Men should respect and support women’s femininity. Men should be patient with women’s differences, and compromise their own behavior to accommodate women’s foreign ways. At the very least, men should not urinate on the toilet seat, argue with women, get impatient when women cry, hang posters of Playboy bunnies in the living room, or expect women to love The Expendables as much as they do.

Every woman in the world can agree that it would be a criminal injustice for a man to force a woman to live exactly like a man. Yet it’s not uncommon for women to try to cut off men’s balls and force them to sit down to pee, hold their purse, hold in their farts, dress metro sexual, drive a pastel colored car, watch Lifetime movie marathons and never do or say anything remotely masculine. A lot of women see this as finding the perfect man and fixing him, like housebreaking a wild animal. In reality, it’s breaking a man down and killing him inside. It’s caging and torturing a noble stallion.

If you cage a man and try to turn him into something he’s not, he’ll look at the moon every night and dream of running away… as well he should. If you celebrate a man for what he is, and nurture his nature, he’ll look at your face every night and thank his lucky stars he found someone so accepting and supportive.

If you liked this post, you may feel the same way about these:

Tips on Impressing Women

All women are different, and every individual woman changes over time, which means it’s impossible to make universal generalizations about women. However, if you want to impress them, you need to have some kind of understanding of how they think and behave. This guide is a starting point, and it makes a lot of generalizations. Take them with a grain of salt, and pay attention to the woman you’re trying to impress to figure out her specific wants.

Also, understand that you can get more dates by changing your entire life to be everything women want, and many men have had great success with the ladies doing just that. But what does it say about you if you change your entire identity to satisfy someone else’s expectations? It kind of makes you an empty slave. Neither gender was put on this Earth to be a slave to other. We’re all individuals with an opportunity and responsibility to define and express our own individuality. Incidentally,the more we become ourselves, the more of a complete person we can share with our lover. So before you change your ways to impress a woman, ask yourself if you should.

Evolutionary Psychology is the Most Useful Way to Understand Dating

There are more anatomical differences between men and women than just our sex organs. Our entire bodies are filled with subtle differences, which optimize our gender-specific role in reproduction. Just as our bodies are wired a little different, so are our brains. Everyone’s brain is hardwired with instincts that subconsciously manipulate our decision making process into doing things that will improve our chances of passing our genes on through an ideal mate. We’re not complete automatons, but we’re not completely free or unique either.

We’re all looking for the ideal mate, and even if we don’t have any idea what he or she looks like, the instinctual autopilot ghosts inside our heads do. They’re looking for a mate who can help us and our offspring climb Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Think of the five stages of the Hierarchy of Needs as 5 trials a man has to complete in order to impress the instinctual ghost in a woman’s brain. You don’t complete these trials one after the other though. You complete all of them simultaneously. If you can pass the test and prove to her subconscious that you can help her and her offspring fulfill their potential, then the primal part of her brain will tell her to be attracted to you even if she doesn’t want or need you to actually provide for her and her offspring. This doesn’t guarantee she’ll marry you, just that part of her will be interested in you. The rest is up to you.

The First Trial: Survival Psychology

No matter how funny, educated or exciting you are, if you can’t help a woman and her offspring survive, then you’re not a very attractive mate.  Even women who make enough money to be the breadwinner of the household are still instinctively more attracted to men who look success than to men who don’t.  So if you want women to be attracted to you, give them a reason to believe you would be a strong, stable provider.

Be attractive (in all 5 senses).

You can value and respect all body sizes and types and still be attracted to attractive people without being shallow and petty. In fact, we don’t have much of a choice. Our instincts determine what we find sexually attractive, and women tend to be attracted to well-dressed, well-groomed, clean, muscular men who smell nice. If being attracted to that kind of man is petty, then Mother Nature is petty… but she’s not really. She’s pragmatic. The human race needs the healthiest members of the species to mate and evolve. Women are like bees looking for a man-flower to pollinate, and the men with the brightest petals attract the most bees. That’s life.

I’m not saying every man should be a professional model (though I will say that every model will attract women). But it’s naïve of woefully out of shape men to complain about how they can’t get a date. The reason they can’t get a date isn’t because women are petty. They can’t get a date because Mother Nature is telling women not to date them.

If you still think that’s petty and unfair, then consider this: It’s not fair to your family for you to die from a preventable disease halfway through your life. You should be in shape and eating healthy anyway. Getting more dates is just one of the many benefits of taking care of yourself.

Look successful.

Probably the single most defining attribute of an ideal mate is success. The more successful a man is, the better he’ll be able to produce and provide for children to carry on their mother’s DNA. If you want women to look at you with hunger, then look successful, because success is what rings their Pavlovian bell.

Granted, not every woman wants to marry a man who dresses like Don Draper, but there are more ways to look good than just in a business suit. The important thing is that you’re clean and well groomed. Your clothes fit flatteringly. You have style, and you project the message that you’re collected and ambitious. If you can achieve that, you’ll turn heads.

Consider the alternative. A grown man who wears a tank top and pajamas to the grocery story doesn’t send out any signals that he can support a family. That’s not to say that men who dress like The Big Lebowski are bad people who don’t deserve dates; the goal in life isn’t to be the perfect boy toy. The goal is to be the perfect you. Just understand that the less effort you put into looking successful, the less the sight of you is going to light up the erogenous zones in women’s brains.

Have a stable, good paying job.

Having a stable, good paying job is part of being a responsible adult. It’s not too much for women to ask their life partner to be a responsible adult and pull his own weight. It’s not that women need a man to provide for them, but it is extremely important to most women that their man to have a stable, good paying job.

Granted, every woman knows there’s more to a man than just his job title and pay check. Unemployed men still deserve (and often receive) love. However, all men should be mindful of the fact that there are about 4 billion other wonderful men in the world who also deserve love… and have a job.

If you’re willing to put a lot of work into attracting women, then start by putting a lot of work into getting a stable, good paying job. Just make sure that your job is personally rewarding to you. Don’t spend your life at a grueling office job you hate just to impress women. Any joy you take from your relationships will be overshadowed by the misery you experience at work, and the stress will inevitably affect your home life, degrading and destroying the relationships you sacrificed your happiness for in the first place.

 Show ambition.

A man with ambition is going places, and women who are with ambitious men go places with them. It’s not petty of women to want a man who can help them get ahead in life. If anything, you could argue it would be irresponsible for a woman to invest in a man who won’t improve her quality of life.

Regardless of how successful a man is or becomes, simply by being ambitious, he demonstrates forward thinking, purpose, strength, commitment and many more virtues for the woman at his side (or watching him from across the room) to admire in him.

Spend money on women.

Everybody likes to have money spent on them. Everyone likes receiving presents; just look at how popular birthdays, Christmas and Valentine Day are. Not only is it nice to get new stuff you didn’t have to pay for, but receiving a present makes you feel special. And who doesn’t want to feel special? Plus, when a man gives a gift to a woman, he demonstrates his ability to provide for her and her offspring in the future.

The Second Trial: Safety Psychology

It takes more than a healthy body and a job to be a good mate. Life is long and full of unexpected dangers. Granted, life isn’t as dangerous as it used to be. So men might not have to slay a lion to pass the second trial, but they do need to give women a reason to believe the concrete jungle isn’t going to eat them and their family alive.

Appear confident.

One of the simplest tests men have to pass in order to prove themselves is whether or not he has the courage to talk to a woman in the first place. One of the easiest ways for a woman to weed out the boys from the men is to stand around and see who has the courage to talk to her. Granted, just because a man has the courage to talk to a woman doesn’t guarantee he’s a fearless prince with a heart of gold, but what is a woman supposed to think about a man who doesn’t even have the courage to approach her?

Women don’t need a savior or protector, but they’re attracted to men they could rely on if need be. One of the easiest ways to guess how capable a man is at overcoming life’s adversities is by looking at his posture and listening to his voice. A shaky, insecure tone of voice demonstrates a lack of faith in ones’ self, which is usually based on experience. A direct, confident tone of voice is usually forged by experiencing success. Granted, you can fake a confident tone of voice, but life is always testing us. Men who stand up for themselves, think clearly under pressure and take risks will continue to impress their mates. Men who shrink from life’s challenges tend to lose their mate’s interest.

Be decisive and proactive.

Some women are looking for a knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet and carry them off to a castle. Most women don’t need that, but everyone can benefit from having a competent, capable partner to watch their back, fight alongside them and carry them when need be. Women don’t expect men to be superheroes, but there’s something sexy about a man who can take charge of a situation and make order out of chaos. It demonstrates a general sense of responsibility and dependability. Another reason for women to admire decisive, proactive behavior is because men who know what they want and go after it, often achieve their goals. And when they succeed, their family succeeds.

Being indecisive and only reacting to what life throws at you is not a recipe for success. That’s more of a recipe for cowardice, and cowards don’t tend to get far in life. You can’t depend on a coward. In fact, cowards need to be taken care of. Women can be very good at taking care of their man, but with 4 billion men competing for every woman’s attention, why should a woman pick a lovable coward over a lovable trail blazer?

Make a commitment to her.

You may have a lot going for you, but that doesn’t mean much to a woman if you’re not going to be faithful to her. Life is short, and women have little motive to invest their time in a man who is just going to leave her. Granted, asking a woman for her hand in marriage on a first date is probably going to freak her out, but so will texting another girl while you’re on said date.

The Third Trial: Social Psychology

No person is an island. Our lives rise and fall in communities. Our standing in the community has a huge effect on our quality of life and long term chances of survival. The more you can help a woman improve her social standing, the more her ghost will tell her what a good catch you are.

Impress her family, friends and frenemies.

Women are more socially-minded than men. Men tend to solve problems by going into their man cave and thinking really hard. Women tend to talk about their problems with people close to them and use that as a vehicle to work through their decision making process. One of the biggest life decisions anyone makes is who to spend their life with. Any man who wants a woman to think well of him, would be wise to make her family, friends and frenemies think well him. Then those people will whisper positive, encouraging things to her about him, helping her make up her mind. When a man pisses off everyone close to a woman, they inevitably whisper negative things him into the woman’s ear.

Elevate her place in the social hierarchy.

It’s as true today as it was 40,000 years ago- The more members of your community who look up to you, the more likely you (and your mate) are to survive and thrive. The more members of your community who look down on you, the less likely you (and your mate) are to survive and thrive. Popularity is a tremendously valuable commodity. The more social capital a man has, the more valuable he is as a mate. The more unpopular a man is, the more of a liability he is to his mate.

If a woman catches a man who other women want (like a hot musician), it will raise her social value even if that man doesn’t have a good job and wouldn’t be a good provider. The fact that she beat the rest of the women in the competition, makes her the alpha female for the day. She probably won’t stay with the guy forever, but if he doesn’t want her to anyway then both people got something they wanted.

You don’t have to be a rock star to impress women, mainly you just have to look successful. Probably the easiest way to accomplish this is to own a very expensive looking car, like a used Porsche. Ask anyone who owns a Porsche, women will try to date you just so that other women will see them in your Porsche. If this makes women sound petty, let me redeem myself by pointing out that, statistically speaking, most women will fall madly in love with a man who has little to no social value. Many women would never even consider dating a musician or Porsche owner. However, it should come as no surprise that musicians and Porshe owners have less difficulty finding dates than Sci Fi nerds who live in their mothers’ basement.

The Fourth Trial: Self-Esteem

Once your survival is secured, you can (and will) turn your attention to higher level, more abstract goals, such as developing your identity. The more you can help another person achieve that goal, the more useful of a mate you are.

Make her feel good and smile.

This is a simple yet powerful truth: Everyone wants to feel good. So we naturally gravitate towards people who make us smile, and we recoil from people who make us frown. The more you can make a girl smile, the more reasons you give her to keep coming back to you. The less you make her smile, and the more you make her frown, the more reasons you give her to stay away from you. That’s not to say that emo kids never get dates. It’s just to say that funny kids get more dates than emo kids.

Compliment her.

The world is often cold and unloving. We all have pain that needs soothing and insecurities that need diffusing. We all put tons of work in looking and acting nice, but we rarely get any positive feedback for our efforts. It’s the easiest thing in the world to compliment someone, and the joy it brings can last for the rest of their life. The more you build up a woman, the more she’ll want to spend more time with you. And when she’s with you, she’ll want to build you up. If you abandon her emotionally, she’ll likely reciprocate the gesture.

Do thoughtful things for her.

Women like compliments, but compliments only reveal so much about a man’s character. Women like it when men spend money on them, but anyone can spend money; it doesn’t necessarily prove anything other than the fact that you have money. Doing something thoughtful for a woman shows that you know her inside and out and are willing to go out of your way for her. It demonstrates virtue on multiple levels, which gives women multiple reasons to be attracted to you.

The Fifth Trial: Self-Actualization

When all of life’s trials have been conquered, the only thing left to do is achieve self-actualization. This is the cherry on top of the love cake. If you can pass the fifth trial then you can connect with your lover on the deepest emotional, mental and spiritual levels. However, if this is the only trial you can pass, you’re probably more of a liability than a boon for a woman.

Understand her.

Single women aren’t just looking for a man-machine that’s programmed to be responsible for half the household bills and chores. They’re looking for a living, breathing, meaningful person to look them in the eyes and see who they are. They want to share their soul with someone who will cherish, nurture and remember them. They want to connect with a lover so completely that they become the Yin to the other’s Yang. In order to get to that point, men need to pay attention to their lover. Analyze them and connect the dots. Learn their wants, fears, hopes, ambitions, traumas, ticks, etc.

This is a win/win for everyone. It’s a joy for a man to explore a wonderful woman, and it’s gratifying to her to be valued enough to be explored. Once two people understand each other, they can operate like one person with four hands. Life experiences that intimate are some of the best memories to look back on in old age. We’re all desperate to have such meaningful, blissful experiences. Women who don’t get that out of her relationship are likely to go looking for it elsewhere, because it’s important, and they deserve it.

A word of warning to men: Very few women want to share their life story on a first, second or third date. Intimacy is earned one day at a time. Be patient, and respect women’s privacy.

Tell her you love her.

What women really hear when a man say, “I love you.” is, “You’re worth being loved. You’re valuable, and your value is recognized. I don’t want anyone but you. I’ll be there for you when you need me. You don’t have to worry. You don’t have to stress. You’re home. You win.” Yes, women want to hear that, and they have little motivation to leave a man who makes them feel like a winner.

How do you know when it’s the right time to tell a woman you love her? I don’t know, but I’m working on a theory.

Improve your beingness.

Old traumas can keep us living in the past mentally, and worries about the future can distract us from living the moment. But life happens in the here and now, and if you’re not present for it, you won’t be able to make the most of it. This is especially true when you’re with another person (and even more true when you’re having sex). To truly experience another person you both need to be able to let go of the past and the future and be in the present together. If you never do that, your mate may start to feel alone even if she never leaves your side.

Improve your sexual technique.

Sexual pleasure isn’t vital for survival. There are plenty of women who are madly in love with men who aren’t that great in bed, which is a shame, because sexual technique can be learned. Even if a woman can accept a man who is bad in bed, she’d prefer to not have to, and she shouldn’t have to. It’s mindboggling that men put so much effort into trying to get women in bed, but they don’t put that same level of commitment into what happens next.

Women want to be pleasured sexually. So if you want to impress a woman, study how to be good at sex. Here’s a starting point:

Accept her as she is: crazy.

Women and men’s brains work slightly differently. Men tend to think more analytically and goal-oriented. Men gravitate towards mathematics and engineering more than women. When men go shopping, they walk directly to what they need, purchase it and leave. Women tend to think more holistically, nonlinear, and social-minded. Their skill set gives them “women’s intuition,” which helps them understand people better intuitively. Women gravitate to social science careers more than men. When women go shopping they try on lots of clothes and experience them.

Neither way of thinking is inherently better, but feminine thinking can seem insane to men, and masculine thinking can seem insane to women. To men, thinking like a man is the norm. In a woman’s head, thinking like a woman is the norm. So when we see members of the opposite sex acting abnormal relative to our norm, we often perceive the other’s behavior as irrational and insane.

In every relationship, men and women do little things that baffle and annoy the other. To win the war, you’ve got to pick and choose your battles. If a woman does something that seems crazy, but it’s not hurting anyone, let it slide. She doesn’t need to be corrected. She doesn’t need to be fixed. She needs a man who will accept her and not constantly tell her she’s wrong for being herself.

Respect is a two way street though. If you have to tuck your balls behind your legs and watch Lifetime movies with her every night to keep her happy, you might consider leaving her for someone who will accept and respect your masculinity as much as you accept and respect her femininity.

Also be weary of women who play the “Bridget Jones’ Diary” card too often. Yes, you should accept your lover as they are, but they should be proactively engaged in a lifelong quest for self-growth. If your lover angrily refuses to change and constantly demands dogmatic acceptance, the problem might not be that you’re an insensitive, selfish man. The problem may be that she’s refusing to accept responsibility for her actions. You deserve to be cared about and built up just as much as she does. If she drags you down more than she builds you up then the cost/benefit analysis of staying with her doesn’t add up, and she doesn’t deserve you. Staying with her doesn’t make you a noble lover. It makes you a willing victim.

If you liked or hated this blog, you may feel the same way about these:

This Was Your Life: Spiritual But Not Religious

spiritual but not religious

 

If you liked this comic, you may like these:

Transcript

Loki and his friend stand in front of an opening in an endless fence on an endless cloud. Three traffic cones block the path through the fence. Loki and his friend are wearing blue jump suits and green hats. Loki has a long white beard. A woman approaches them.

Woman: The clouds are so pretty.

Stranger: This way, butterfly.

Loki: Before you say anything, I just want to say, don’t panic. You just passed out, and this is all a dream.

Woman: Whew. What a relief.

Loki: Just kidding. You totally crossed the wrong wires and blew up. These are The Pearly Gates, and we are…

Woman: What gates?

Stranger: Oh, uh. They’re under repair.

Woman: Can’t God fix them?

Loki: Who said God exists?

Woman: So God doesn’t exist?

Loki: The more important question is, what did you believe?

Stranger: Does God exist? What’s the meaning of life? What makes a man? What is the true measure of morality? Why do doves cry?

Woman: Well, I think that we all just have to do our best and be kind to one another.

Stranger: And…

Woman: That’s it.

Loki: What do you mean, that’s it?

Woman: That’s the extent of my understanding and philosophy on life.

Loki: You mean to tell me, you had a cosmic supercomputer in your head for 29 years, and the extent of your worldview can be summed up in a sentence that’s vague to the point of being useless?

Stranger: What do you call this belief system of yours, nihilism?

Woman: I’m spiritual but not religious.

Loki:What does that even mean?

Woman: It means I find wonder and awe in the universe, but…

Stranger: But that wonder and awe never affect your actions in any significant way.

Woman: What? Like going to church? I’ve never really felt drawn to major religions.

Loki: Which is just as well. If you had bothered to read them you’d know they’re all mythologies.

Stranger: But did you ever think about the purpose of life outside of organized religion?

Loki: Well, I just think that there are some things in life that we weren’t mean to know. You know?

Stranger: So how do you decide what to do if you have no compass whatsoever?

Woman: I go to work in the mornings. I go home in the evenings. I watch TV and buy things. I like to hang out with friends and go to movies.

Stranger: Is that what you were planning on doing with the rest of your life?

Woman: What else would I do with my life?

Loki: Okaaaaaay. Ma’am, I’m going to need you to step away for a few minutes while my associate and I confer.

Woman: Okey dokey.

The woman leaves.

Stranger: What are you doing? This wasn’t in the script.

Loki: This woman is brain dead. She’s living on autopilot. She’s the embodiment of the word, “sheeple.”

Stranger: Exactly. She’s easy prey to screw with. I mean, we could tell her anything.

Loki: We may as well be mocking a brick wall. I take no joy in this. I’m leaving.

Loki leaves.

Stranger: Don’t friggin bail on me! This was your idea in the first place.

Stranger: Hey, lady. You can come back now.

Woman: Okay. Where’s your friend at?

Stranger: He uh, got called away on very important business in the underworld.

Woman: So what were you two talking about?

Stranger:  We uh, were trying to decide if there was any reason to go easy on you.

Woman: What!? But I never did anything bad.

Stranger: The problem is you never did anything… at all. 14 billion years went into creating you. From the quantum particles, to the atoms, to the molecules, to the cells that make up your body, a God-like level of genius, power and time went into your design. You were given control of an impossibly robust machine, and you used it to watch TV, go shopping and hang out?

Woman: Well, what else was I supposed to do?

Loki: What were you supposed to do!? What were you supposed to do!?

Woman: Is that your friend?

Stranger: Ugh.

Loki: What do you use a hammer for? To hit nails. What do you use a toaster for? To toast bread. What do you use an autonomous, bipedal supercomputer with opposable thumbs for? To watch TV and out!? Are you kidding me?

Woman: You’re back from the underworld awfully quick.

Stranger: Speaking of the underworld, it looks like they’re paging me. Gotta go.

Loki:Wait. What?

Stranger: Have fun with your client, sucker.

Loki: Well played. Well played.

Woman: You’re not very organized around here.

Loki: Silence, mortal. We work in mysterious ways. Back to the matter at hand. The problem is that you fulfilled basically zero of your potential. Do you have any idea how many souls would have killed to be in your body? Do you have any idea how many souls would have used your body to solve world hunger and build an enlightened galactic empire? Oh, how they’ve cringed in the darkness watching you squander one of the few golden tickets acting like a child and binging on candy.

Woman: But I’m just a simple girl from a simple town. I was never destined for greatness.

Stranger: Greatness!? Greatness!? Forget about Greatness!!!

Woman: I think your friend is back.

Loki: Yeah, I got that. Thanks.

Stranger: You couldn’t have become the queen of the world if you tried, but you were given a gift with certain potential. And what you could do… you didn’t.

Woman: So… am I in trouble?

Loki: Personally, I don’t care what happens to you. I’m leaving.

Stranger: Dammit.

Loki leaves.

Woman: What’s going on? Who are you guys, exactly?

Stranger: Uhhhhh. I’m uhhhhh. Gotta go. Bye.

The Stranger leaves.

Woman: Are you coming back? So… should I just wait here? Or should I go ahead and let myself through the gate? Okay, I’ll just step over these cones then.

The woman steps over the cones and crosses to the other side of the fence.

Woman: Hmmm. Should I go left or right?

Stranger: Trespasser! Trespasser!

Loki: She’s trespassing on the holy land!

Stranger: Blasphemy! Blasphemy!

Woman: Oh, dear.

Loki: We have failed to protect the gate while it was under renovation, and now the cosmic balance has been upset!

Stranger: This realm is now doomed to eons of darkness where there will be constant weeping and gnashing of teeth!

Loki: Aaaaaaaagh! Run for your lives! Save yourself!

Stranger: Aaaaaaagh!

Loki and The Stranger run away, leaving the woman by herself.

Stranger: Uh, guys? Guys?

The End.