The purpose of this guide is to provide sexually inexperienced males with a very basic, practical explanation of what their options are when having sex in the missionary position. I’ll be coming out with a guide for females and other positions in the near future.
Wikipedia defines “the missionary position” as:
“a sex position usually denoting the act in which a woman lies on her back and a man lies on top of her while they face each other and engage in sexual intercourse or other sexual activity.”
The missionary position is possibly the easiest position to have sex in. It’s emotionally intimate and easy to get into. It also offers are lot of options for spicing things up. If you’re having sex with a new partner for the first time and aren’t sure what position to use, the missionary position is probably your safest, default bet.
Sex doesn’t begin the moment your penis enters the vagina, and it doesn’t end the moment you cum. Sex begins at flirting, goes through foreplay, penetration, orgasm and ends when the afterglow is over. You have a lot of options for pleasuring a woman in the missionary position before you penetrate her with your penis, and you should use those options for at least 10 minutes before penetrating her if you want her to have a really good orgasm later.
From a kneeling position you can kiss, nibble and caress all of her erogenous zones: ears, neck, breasts, thighs and whatever else turns her on. Most importantly, you can give her full bodied kisses on her mouth. Hover over her and tease her with the promise of kisses, then squeeze her tight and kiss her like you can taste her soul on her tongue.
One great advantage of the missionary position is that it allows you to rub the base of your cock up and down her clit (though make sure you lubricate her clit either your tongue, her juices or lube before rubbing anything on it). This feels good for both people. So it’s a good way to help a guy get harder or a girl get wetter.
Teasing a woman by barely penetrating her vagina with the tip of your penis is a great way to help her build up sexual tension, which she’ll release during sex and through her orgasm. It also helps her vagina acclimate to having a foreign object shoved in it, which usually makes the experience more pleasurable (especially for really tight girls). The missionary position is ideal for this. So take advantage of the opportunity.
There’s no one right speed to use for any position or any girl for that matter. It all depends on the mood. However, there is one general rule that applies to all women most of the time. You should almost always start penetrating vaginas slowly and gradually build up speed. How much speed you build up depends on what you and your partner enjoy. Once you understand how different speeds affect the girl’s experience you’ll be able to figure out which speed is appropriate for each stage of each sexual encounter.
Press and hold
Sometimes it’s good to use no speed at all. Sometimes it’s nice to slide your cock as far into your girl as you can and hold yourself there. This is good to do in the first minute after initially penetrating a woman. It lets her vagina acclimate to being filled up, and it’s an emotional pose to hold another human being in. If romance is what you’re going for, this is a handy technique. But it’s usually not a good idea to use it much (if any) after you start really fucking a woman. At that point, constantly stopping to penetrate her deeply and passionately will throw her rhythm off more than it will build her up.
Technically you can have an entire sexual session without barely moving. That’s called tantric sex, and there’s an erotic, rewarding art form to it that you should experience at least a few times in your life.
Sometimes it’s fun to spice up a sexual encounter by constantly changing up the speed of your thrusts, but that technique is a novelty, not standard practice, because, again, frequently changing paces is more likely to throw off your partner’s rhythm than build her up. Having said that, it can be beneficial to change your pace up a little during the first few minutes of sex following the initial penetration. During that “meet and greet” stage, spicing things up can help stoke your partner’s passion, loosen her vagina and communicate you’re your passion for her. Once she’s really wet or looking at you hungrily, abandon the novelty technique and get down to business.
Most sexual encounters should begin with slow thrusts for the woman’s comfort and safety. Sometimes it’s nice to have PIV sex slow from start to finish. It’s passionate, meaningful and respectful. A male virgin who was raised on Disney movies to believe all women are a-sexual porcelain princesses could develop the idea that women want slow, romantic sex most of the time. This would be incorrect. Sometimes women want their vaginas caressed like delicate flowers, and sometimes they want to be fucked into the mattress so hard the bed breaks. Both of those techniques are at extreme ends of a spectrum. The ideal speed to use most of the time is probably somewhere in the middle, not the bottom.
After fucking a woman slowly for a few minutes her mind and body will be ready and hungry for harder, faster thrusts. Chances are, you will be too. Everybody gets what they want if you speed your thrusts up to a medium pace.
If you were raised in a culture where fast service and fast results are valued, you could develop the idea that faster is always better. This isn’t always the case with sex. Fast thrusts can be good. They can be great, but don’t underestimate the value of medium paced thrusts.
Women get to experience the full sensation of your penis when you thrust at a medium pace. When you thrust too fast they can lose sensation sometimes. Imagine getting a really, really fast hand job; all you’d feel is friction. Now imagine getting a hand job that started really fast, then stopped, then went slow, then fast, then slow, then fast, then stopped again. You’d be wishing your partner would just stick with a nice medium pace.
Hard fucking has its time and place, but if you’re not experienced, and you want to use the technique with the highest statistical probably of giving a girl an orgasm, then start by fucking her slow, spend most of your time fucking her at a medium pace, and speed up right at the end.
Just be aware that most women can’t orgasm from PIV sex alone. For the best statistical odds of giving a woman an orgasm during PIV sex, you need to stimulate her clit. Tips on that later.
There’s one last semi-selfish reason to have sex at a medium pace: it conserves your energy. If you start out fucking a girl as fast and hard as possible, you might wear yourself out and have no choice but we wheeze and struggle through the final critical minutes of sex. That’ll negatively affect your ability to give your partner an orgasm. A good, medium pace feels rocking good for girls, and it’s manageable for guys. Take advantage of that.
It’s unfair to call medium-paced sex “vanilla sex.” It’s a good standard speed for good reasons, but any technique used too often will become boring. When you start out a sexual encounter going slow, then speed up to a medium pace and finish fast you cover all your bases. The question is, what percentage of the time should you go fast? A conservative range is the last 10-40% of a sexual encounter, but again, there’s a time and place for everything.
When a woman is close to orgasm (and especially while she’s orgasming), you can give her a more intense orgasm by speeding up your thrusts. But if you try to improve her orgasm with hard, fast strokes you could throw her off her rhythm or you could be wrong, and she actually needs a lot more stimulation. In that case you might wear yourself out trying to maintain your pace or you might wear her out too early as well. If you have to slow down you will ruin her rhythm.
Fucking fast can be risky, but there’s a way to minimize your risk. If you can tell your partner is close to cumming or just hungry for you to take it up a notch, consider making your thrusts harder instead of faster. You’d be surprised how hard of a pounding a vagina can take and be euphoric for the girl. They feel it deep inside their vagina and all over the outside. It gives her more of what she wants and leaves the option open for you to go faster later.
Jack rabbit fast
As mentioned earlier, women usually don’t find it emotionally or physically pleasing when you lose control and fuck them like a jack rabbit. If you’re going to lose control then fuck them with reckless abandon, then fuck them like a raging gladiator, not a delirious Pomeranian.
There’s no right thrust to use in any position, but knowing how different techniques work in different positions you can pick the best one for the occasion. More than some other positions, the missionary position offers you lots of options.
Aiming for the G-spot
The G-spot is located on the roof of the vagina just past the opening. When you’re in the missionary position, you can stick the tip of your penis into the vagina, and as you slide your penis in, push up with your knees or feet so that the top of your shaft presses against the roof of the vagina. This could hit the G-spot, but not necessarily. If you want to know if your technique is working for sure, ask your partner.
You can increase your odds of hitting the G-spot in the missionary position by lifting your partner’s ass up using your hands or a cushion. When you thrust inside of her, don’t aim your shaft so that it goes straight into her. Aim the tip of your penis head to hit the roof of her vagina just past the opening. You’ll likely find it easiest to do this when you’re kneeling and your posture is upright, as opposed to laying your chest flat against hers. You can use this technique at any stage of sex. Just be sure to do it slow if you do it at the beginning of a sexual encounter, and do it faster if you’re doing it closer to climax.
Aiming for the clit
The clit is a mole-sized bump located on the outside of a woman’s body a few centimeters above the opening of her vagina. You can’t hit that with your penis when you’re fucking a woman in any position since your penis is inside her, and her clit is on the external surface of her body. However, if you slide your penis all the way into your partner’s vagina you can sometimes rub the clit with the skin where the shaft of your cock meets your abdomen.
Different body types have different levels of compatibility. Ask your partner if this technique works for her. If it doesn’t, move on. This technique has the best chance of working if both partners have shaved their pubic hair and lubricated their smooth skin, but shaving your pubes to the skin usually causes razor bumps (which aren’t sexy), and your pubes may be spikey for the next few days after shaving, and no girl wants spikes jabbing into their sensitive sin.
You can also improve your chances of stimulating the clit by wearing a vibrating cock ring with a clitoral stimulator. Whether or not you use a vibrating cock ring, your pelvis will have to be pressed against her clit for a long time to give her an orgasm. This means you can’t pull your penis out of her vagina far enough to fuck her hard. So this technique is best suited to warming a girl up during the slow stage of sex or finishing her off after a hard fucking.
There are novel ways to stimulate a woman’s vagina, and they’re all worth exploring, but sometimes a girl likes a good old fashioned fuck. You don’t have to worry about boring a women with straight forward thrusts, and if your goal is to fuck her hard and fast, you’re going to have to use a simple thrust anyway. When you use this technique, play to its strengths.
The vagina is a biological sex organ that responds to physical and emotional stimuli. The more you stimulate it the closer it will bring a woman to orgasm. Pumping your penis into her like the head of an oil drill is a good way to hit her deep, hard and fast, but it can feel impersonal and miss a lot of sexual nerve endings inside and outside the vagina.
You can hit more nerve endings and add another level of interaction and intimacy to the missionary position by gyrating your hips like dancing like Elvis or using a hula hoop. This changes the trajectory of your penis throughout the course of a single thrust so your penis hits the vagina walls from different angles. There’s not an exact science to gyrating your hips during sex. Just make sure they’re fluid and you should be fine. This technique takes a lot of muscles and is difficult to do with a lot of force or for a long time. You can finish a girl off with this technique, but it’s best suited during the slow-to-medium paced stages of sex when you’re warming your partner’s vagina up.
All the way in, all the way out
Sticking your penis all the way into the vagina and all the way out is pleasurable for men and women, and it can be used effectively during any stage of sex. However, it always comes with the risk of drying out your partner’s vagina. So if this is the first technique you use after initially penetrating a woman’s vagina (when she’s not very loose or wet) you could dry her out and stretch her too abruptly. If you use this during wild, pounding sex you might dry her out while ramming your shaft through her with a lot of force. That’s a recipe for disaster. By all means, use this technique when you and your partner want to experience full bodied strokes. Just don’t do it for very long… unless she’s a gusher or you’re using reliable lube.
The dictionary definition of “missionary position” has the man lying face down on top of a woman who is lying on her back, but that position is easily modified to achieve a whole family of spin-off positions that should be explored. You can and should use several of these variations during a single sex session.
Face to face
Laying on top of a naked woman, face to face, is a great way to start out a sex session. It’s intimate, and your penis can slide into her vagina at an easy angle. However, this position has two downsides. First, since your penis is sliding straight into her vagina you’re probably not going to hit her G-spot… unless you tilt her pelvis upwards by placing a cushion under her ass and consciously angling your thrusts upwards.
Regardless of where you’re aiming your penis, when you’re laying on top of a woman with your chest pressed to her you’re not going to be able to thrust as hard or fast as you could if you were in a kneeling position. You can still fuck a girl pretty hard in this position, and girls really enjoy it (physically and emotionally) when you wrap your big, strong arms around them and hold them firmly to your bosom while fucking them as hard and fast as you can. However, when your partner wants to be power-fucked, there are other variations of the missionary position that are more tailored to that goal.
In the kneeling position you have more room to thrust, and you can draw on more muscles. Plus, you can grab your partner’s legs or waist and pull them towards you as you thrust. This isn’t the most intimate position, but it’s perfect for hard-hitting sex. It also works well for medium-paced sex as well, especially because it uses your major muscle groups, which means it’s relatively easy to maintain your pace without wearing yourself out.
You have a pretty good chance of being able to hit the G-spot with your penis when lying flat on top of a woman if she has a cushion under her ass. But when you put a cushion under her ass and fuck her from the kneeling position, your penis will be angled perfectly to hit the G-spot with as much force as she can take and you can give. If you don’t have a cushion, you can lift her ass with your hands, which can be exhausting (depending on how strong you are and how heavy she is), but if you can cradle her lower torso in your hands you’ll have complete control to man-handle her and slam her body into your incoming power thrusts. Most women can’t have an orgasm from PIV sex without clitoral stimulation most of the time, but this is a good position to beat the odds in.
Knees to chest
When you’re in the kneeling missionary position, your partner’s legs are usually spread so her thighs are pressed against your hips. If she brings her knees to her chest so she’s laying on her back in the fetal position, then she can put her feet on your chest. You can lean against her feet and slide your cock into her fully exposed vagina. This isn’t the most relaxing position for either partner, but it’s worth doing for the benefits it offers.
This position angles the vagina slightly upward, which means when the penis enters horizontally it’s probably going to hit the roof of the vagina, which is where the G-spot is. And since her legs are completely out of your way, you press your pelvis against hers as far as possible, which means your penis will penetrate her as deeply as possible. This is great for men with short penises. And it’s a good go-to position whenever a girl wants a nice, deep dicking. You can fuck a girl pretty hard from this position, especially if you grab her ass or legs and pull her into your thrusts. However, the upward-tilted angle of her vagina makes it easy for your penis to slip out of, especially when you’re fucking wildly.
Ankles over shoulders
From the kneeling position, take hold of your partner’s ankles and rest them on your shoulders. This is one of the least intimate, least lady-like and most awkward-looking variations of the missionary position. If you’ve never had sex, this position could appear off-putting. I wouldn’t advise taking a girl’s virginity in this position, but it definitely has benefits that you and your partner should know about.
It’s easier to achieve the deepest thrusts when a girl’s feet are on your chest than when they’re over your shoulder, but it’s easier to thrust your hips and pull her legs towards you when her feet are over your shoulder. So what you lose in depth you can make up for in force.
You can have the best of both worlds though, if you put your partner’s ankles over your shoulders and lean forward until you’re almost face to face with her. This is called “the folding deck chair” position, and while it definitely looks unladylike, it’s very lady friendly. This position lets your penis penetrate her even deeper than having her feet on your chest. Plus, you can hold onto her torso, stretch out your legs and fuck her really hard. If you’re on a bouncy bed you can even bounce up and down and let gravity do half the work for you. If a girl ever tells you she wants you to fuck her until she breaks, this would be a good position to give it to her from.
Kneel between your partner’s legs with her ankles on your shoulders. Then take both of her ankles and hold them together. Then lower both of her ankles to one of your hips. Then scoot forward and penetrate her while both her legs are hinged around one side of your body. This position gives you decent room to maneuver, but the angle doesn’t allow you to really hit the G-spot or go as deep as other variations of the missionary position. Plus, it’s not very intimate. Use this position when you’re bored and want to do something different, but don’t do it very long, because it’ll likely get boring pretty quick, at least for your partner.
Her legs together
In all the variations of the missionary position discussed here, the man is between the woman’s legs. However, you can close her legs so that she’s laying like a plank. Then you mount her and lay down face to face with her. If your penis is long enough, you can slide your penis between her legs and into her vagina. You won’t be able to penetrate her very deeply, but the top of your shaft will slide over clit as you enter her… again and again. You won’t be able to fuck very hard in this position, but it has a good potential to give a girl an orgasm… if your bodies are compatible enough to pull off this position effectively.
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