You might not live in the greatest country in the world if…

  • Everyone doesn’t have equal rights, and the majority of the population doesn’t want everyone to have equal rights.
  • You”ll be punished for not buying health insurance that doesn’t cover basic health care costs
  • It’s illegal to protest against corruption
  • There are more empty, foreclosed homes than there are homeless people
  • You have to go into a lifetime of debt in order to get a college education
  • Your country has more prisoners than any other country in the world
  • Your military tortures prisoners
  • It’s illegal for tax payers to know what their military is spending their money on
  • It’s legal to sell certain poisons, but it’s illegal to sell certain medicines
  • The majority of the population believes in mythology
  • Your police force is militarized
  • Your police force drives $50,000+ cars to chase you down to give you expensive tickets for not wearing a seat belt
  • Your government spies on you and downplays and lies about it
  • It’s illegal to report corruption in the government
  • Your government can’t give a reasonable, coherent answer why its military invades other countries
  • The soldiers in your military are denied the same basic human rights guaranteed in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights
  • It’s illegal for certain workers to unionize
  • You can be issued a warrant to be arrested for not mowing your lawn
  • You have to ask for permission to have a garage sale
  • You don’t have any direct say in what taxes you have to pay, and you can go to jail for not paying your taxes
  • Your country gives massive financial and military aid to countries that commit genocide
  • Your country is famous for mass shooting sprees
  • Most of the food products sold at grocery stores contain poison
  • It’s legal mutilate baby boys’ penises and commonly practiced
  • It’s illegal for women to take off their shirt
  • You have to waive certain basic human rights to get a job
  • It’s illegal to sell fireworks on any day except New Years and Independence Day
  • Police can search your vehicle and analyze your bodily fluids without probable cause
  • Only rich people can run for president
  • Janitors and soldiers are required to take drug tests, but the leaders of the country aren’t
  • Your taxes are so complicated that you have to pay someone else to figure them out for you, and you can go to jail for not filing your taxes
  • You will go to jail for years for stealing a pair of shoes, but you’ll get a slap on the wrist for destroying the eco system
  • Most of the products sold in your stores are made by slaves in sweat shops
  • Life in your country is stressful enough to inspire musicians to rail against it… for decades
  • The minimum wage is below the living wage, and the majority of the population will fight tooth and nail to keep it that way
  • It’s illegal to pay for consensual sex
  • Television stations celebrate the lives of woefully ignorant people while ignoring the most massive problems facing humanity… because the general population cares more about the lives of ignorant people than the most massive problems facing humanity
  • Religious groups that believe in mythology don’t have to pay taxes, but expats who have left the country and will never return do
  • Cussing is illegal, and millions of dollars are spent every year regulating it
  • You practically have to have a degree in business and mathematics to manage all the bureaucracy required to sell oranges on the side of road
  • International corporations are legally defined as people and have more rights than people born outside of your national boundaries
  • Politicians are exempt from laws that tax payers aren’t
  • Politicians aren’t automatically fired when their approval rating drops below 10%
  • Your country is famous for how inhumane its prison system is

Does size matter?

Do women prefer men with bigger penises? The short answer to that question is, some do sometimes to some extent, but men are far more worried about penis size than women are.

Look at the facts:

  • The average depth of a female vagina is 2.7-5.83 inches, though they expand when sexually aroused and can potentially grow several inches deeper. The average width of a vagina is 1.88-2.48 inches.
  • The average length of the human penis when erect is 5.1-5.9 inches long and 4.8 inches in circumference.

From this data alone we can deduce that not all women want a 12 inch long, 6 inch wide penis fully inserted in their vagina. Petite girls under 5 feet tall (with proportionately sized vaginas) couldn’t take a 12 inch penis inside them. It would literally tear them apart. A 12 inch penis wouldn’t even fit all the way into an average sized woman’s vagina, and cramming it in as far as possible would stretch her out so much it would physically damage her body. Far from being pleasurable, it would be unbearably painful.

If it’s important for a girl to be “filled up,” then the average sized penis is well suited for the average sized vagina. This is one of those cases in life when average isn’t mediocre; average is statistically ideal. However, on the Bell Curve of sexual cravings, there are a minority of women who prefer above-average sized penises, and there are also women who prefer (and even need) below average-sized penises. Any man with a below average sized penis should consider dating petite girls whose vagina will need a smaller penis.

To this some men might say, “Wouldn’t a petite girl still prefer an average sized penis since that would be large to them? After all, don’t all women like to be stretched out as much as possible since more is always better?”

The answer to that question is, “not necessarily.” A little stretching can fell good. A lot of stretching usually hurts. Stretching any bodily tissue past its normal limits hurts, especially tissue as sensitive as our all-important sexual organs. If you don’t believe me then ask every woman you know if she’d rather have a penis inside of her that’s a little too big or a little too small for her. Most women would be relieved to have a penis inside them that’s too small if the alternative is to have to endure taking in a penis that is too big.

To this some men might say, “I don’t believe that, because I’ve been to porn stores, and I’ve seen the massive dildos they sell. I even know women who own and use a dildo the size of a fist. If women didn’t want the biggest penis as possible inside them then why do women buy dildos that big?”

Nobody who has ever worked at a porn store would ask that question. I speak from experience, and I’m not the only member of my family who has worked at a porn store. I can tell you that porn stores sell very few dildos the size of a human forearm, and most of the ones they do sell are bought by gay men or frat boys. Take a closer look at the dildos and vibrators for sell at any erotic novelty store, and you’ll see that dildos and vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, some even as small as a pinky finger. Yeah, some women would literally pay to have something the size of a human pinky finger inserted into their vagina. Think about that.

If you look closer at the sex toys women pay money for you’ll also notice that a lot of their vibrating sex toys aren’t even designed to be inserted into the vagina at all. They’re designed to stimulate the clitoris, a pencil eraser-sized bump just above the opening of the vagina that contains more pleasure nerve endings than a man’s entire penis. Think about that. The ultimate pleasure device doesn’t even require a penis to operate. If you’ve ever wondered how lesbians can live without dick, that’s how. In fact, most women can’t achieve an orgasm through PIV sex alone. Most women literally can’t have an orgasm unless their clitoris is stimulated. So any man who is more obsessed with the size of his penis than how good he is at going down on a woman doesn’t understand women or their vaginas.

If you want to know how important the clit is, then propose this story/question to every woman you know who is comfortable talking about sex to you:

“Imagine you’re walking down a sandy beach, and you find a genie lamp laying in the sand. You rub it, and a genie pops out.  It tells you that it will grant you one fate, which is both a blessing and a curse. You must choose between one of three fates:

1. Tomorrow you’ll marry Kahl Drogo and spend the rest of your life with him. He’ll have the biggest cock your vagina can comfortably accommodate, but he’ll be the worst man at oral sex who has ever lived.

2. Tomorrow you’ll marry Kahl Drogo and spend the rest of your life with him. He’ll have a below average sized penis, and you’ll have to throw a pair of magical dice to determine exactly how much smaller than average his penis is, but you won’t be able to change your mind after the dice are tossed. Regardless of the results of the dice toss though, he’ll eat pussy better than any man who has ever lived.

3. You fall asleep immediately and die in your sleep.”

However the woman answers, ask her to explain herself. Don’t be surprised when you find that most women would choose the second option: to have a man who eats great pussy… because that’s more pleasurable than penis size to women.

If you can get a woman to answer this personal genie riddle, then push the issue and propose a second scenario/question to them:

“Assuming you didn’t choose to die by falling asleep, you keep walking down the beach thinking about the choice you just made with the genie when you find another lamp. You rub it, and another genie pops out. This genie offers you two choices:

1. Regardless of Kahl Drogo’s penis size, he’ll be able to stimulate your G-spot with both his fingers and penis better than anyone else, but he’ll be so plain looking that neither you or any one of your friends or frenemies will ever be particularly impressed by his physical appearance.

2. Regardless of Kahl Drogo’s penis size, he’ll never stimulate your G-spot with his fingers or penis… ever. Your G-spot will be so neglected that you’ll forget it exists (if you ever knew that it did). However, you can choose to change Kahl Drogo’s appearance to look however you want.”

If you can get a woman to answer the second scenario, ask them to explain their answer. If you ask girls about their experience with real world penises, they’ll tell you that technique is more important than size to stimulating the G-spot. So any man who is more worried about their penis size than the quality of their sexual technique at hitting the G-spot doesn’t understand women and has their priorities backwards. Since the G-spot is on the roof of the vagina just past the opening, small penises are well suited to hitting it.

Technique may be more important to women than size, but meaning is more important than technique. Very few women would turn down the opportunity to have sex with a really great, confident, sweet, funny, strong, successful guy whose penis is smaller than her dildo. In fact, there are millions, if not billions, of women out there who own dildos and are married and totally committed to men whose penises are smaller than their dildos, and those women prefer having their husband’s penis inside them over their larger dildo because, again, sex is about more than penis size. To this some men may ask, “But if they prefer their husband’s smaller penis then why own the bigger dildo at all?”

The answer is, because size is a novelty; it’s not the point. If a man bought a pocket pussy he might choose one a little looser or tighter than his lover’s actual vagina, but that has zero bearing on what he thinks about the size of his lover’s vagina, how he feels about her as a person, how badly he wants to fuck her or stay with her for the rest of his life. The same is equally, if not more true for women and their dildos. Sure, using a large vibrating dildo with a clitoral stimulator can be fun, but a dildo is just a piece of plastic. It can’t hold you. It can’t whisper compliments in your ear. It can’t make you feel like the only woman in the world. It can’t sweep you off your feet and offer you lifetime of love and security. A man with a big cock and a cold heart is worth about as much to a woman as a dildo.

If the thing women wanted most out of sex was to have their genitals stimulated until they blow their load, they could just walk into any gym at any time and walk out with some big stud to have noncommittal sex with, but women don’t do that. They bide their time and choose their sexual partners based on much more than just the size of a man’s organs. What women want most out of sex most of the time is the emotional connection to the person they’re having sex with. They’re in it more for the total mind/body life experience, not the base physical chore of genital rubbing. They measure the quality of a sexual encounter more on whether or not a man can make them feel special than whether or not he works their pussy like a champ. Granted, if he can work their pussy like a champ also then so much the better, but if a women had to choose she’d usually choose emotional pleasure over physical pleasure. At any rate, working a pussy like a champ can be learned and has little to do with dick size. If you’re obsessed with your sexual prowess enough to study how to work a pussy like a champ you should be more obsessed with how to make a woman glow emotionally, because, again, women are more obsessed with that then having their pussy worked like a champ.

Granted, if a woman found a genie lamp on a beach, and the genie offered to create the perfect man for her unconditionally, there’s a good chance she’d wish for a man with a better body than you have, dick and all. But to be fair, if a man found a genie lamp on a beach, and the genie offered to create the perfect woman for him, he’d probably choose to create a woman with an unrealistically beautiful body. If women are selfish, greedy size queens for wanting a hefty cock inside of them then men are selfish, greedy ass holes for wanting a busty petite beauty queen underneath them. But in reality, nobody is a bad person for being sexually attracted to sexually attractive people.

And in reality, most people will never get to have sex with or marry someone who fits their ideal sexual fantasy anyway. We have to settle for a real person, but we don’t resent the flaws of the people we love. We accept and celebrate them for everything they are. If someone can’t accept you and love you for who you are then you shouldn’t be with that person. If you can’t accept and love yourself for who you are then you won’t make a good partner for anyone.

Sometimes women do insult men’s penis sizes, but if a woman ever insults your penis it’s probably not because the size of your penis is so important to her; it’s more likely because she’s mad at you for something else and is just saying what she knows will hurt you because she knows how important your penis size is to you. If she’s genuinely judgmental and cruel about the size of your penis, the problem still isn’t the size of your penis. The problem is that she’s a petty, shallow human being whose petty, shallow opinions aren’t worth taking seriously.

In the end, neither God nor good women measure the the value of a man’s life by the size of his penis. Penis size is more or less an incidental detail, and whatever pleasure (if any) is lost in sex by having a small penis, it can be more than made up for by giving a woman all the other things that are more important to her.

If you liked this blog you may like these: 

How to go down on a girl
How to go down on a guy
Advice to virgins
10 pieces of relationship advice
Some relationship advice
Tips on internet dating
Vanilla advice to spice up your sex life
Stages of a relationship
Stages of friendship
How to pick up chicks
Why women like assholes
Why men should wear nice underwear
My theory on sexual morality
You need to be a little slutty
Why I don’t like strip clubs
Why I like strip clubs
Why would you not masturbate?
Why I hate valentine day
The cost/benefit analysis of being fake to impress people
The conundrum of compromise
An intervention with the modern woman
How to write short sex stories using a formula plot template

Things Christians have to worry about that nonbelievers don’t

People who don’t believe in religion face all the big questions of the universe alone. Not knowing those answers can be scary, and searching for them can be daunting. The existential crisis you uncover when you remove the Band-Aid of religion can consume a lot of time thinking and worrying. The fear of that burden drives many people into the arms of religion, which promises easily accessible and authoritative answers.

Granted, there are psychological benefits to believing in Christianity, but  it also comes loaded with a whole new set of contrived sources of worry that eat up irreplaceable time in the lives of believers that non-believers simply don’t have to worry about, freeing up a lot of time over the course of their lives to devote to answering life’s questions, growing or just enjoying life.

Here’s a list of things many Christians often think about that non-believers don’t.

Going to Hell

Christianity tells you that it will give you closure over the issue of death by promising you eternal bliss in Heaven. However, it also introduces you to the existence of Hell, which is where people who don’t believe in the right interpretation of the Bible spend eternity after they die. It’s supposedly worse than the worst place imaginable, and every human being deserves to go there to be tortured for eternity. But even after you get saved, you still have to spend the rest of your life knowing that you deserve to go to Hell. And you keep reaffirming how much you deserve to burn in Hell by constantly breaking Yahweh’s schizophrenic rules. So the threat of eternal damnation looms over your head for the rest of life. That’s a traumatic fear to instil into someone. It’s a recipe for deep rooted anxiety, and the worst thing about it is that the source of this fear isn’t based on reality.

hell

Being unworthy, despicable scum

The Bible teaches that you’re a worthless piece of scum who isn’t fit to live in order to convince you that you need to believe that you need to be saved. Not only do you have to worry about what’s going to happen to you after you die, but you also have to worry about the fact that right here, right now, you are a flawed, horrible, disgusting, unworthy, pathetic, worthless scumbag who deserves to burn in Hell for eternity. Christians have to carry the shame of their lack of self-worth with them through the rest of their life. This shame will nag at them and pull them down relentlessly. Every second spent thinking about this is a waste of time and an insult to the grandeur and beauty of life.

Loathing pleasure, fighting temptation and feeling guilt for “failure”

Sometimes Christians can distance their mind from the abusive message of self-loathing that the Bible teaches by focusing on the contradicting message that God loves us so much that He sent His son to die for our sins. However, the Bible also teaches that doing pretty much anything that makes us feel good is evil, sinful and shameful.

This fact is particularly harmful because our brains and bodies are designed to feel these emotions. We were designed (by whatever or whoever created us) with these feelings to motivate us to increase our chances of survival and maybe even enjoy ourselves a little. We can’t turn these bodily functions off. Trying to do so will only result in increasing levels of anxiety. And when the anxiety reaches a breaking point we end up doing drastic, irresponsible things (as any child-raping priest can attest to). Most Christians don’t rape children, but all Christians have to wrestle with the shame of feeling the things their bodies naturally tell them to feel, and they have to wrestle with the shame of failure when they inevitably give into their bodies’ natural desires. This is a waste of irreplaceable time and thoughts.

Making amends for non-existent crimes

Since the Bible has set Christians up for failure by placing impossible demands on them that conflict with their bodies’ natural design, Christians are doomed to feel like failures. It’s only natural to want to make amends for disappointing God. Inevitably, many Christians have adopted masochistic ways of punishing themselves. Early Christians adopted the practice of flagellation, where they beat themselves with leather straps. The much acclaimed Mother Teresa didn’t beat herself, but she worshipped suffering and lived a life of self-imposed exile from any physical comforts of joys in life. Christians who “celebrate” Lent pick something they enjoy and force themselves to live without it for a few months. Each Christian must find their own way to make amends for the crimes the Bible teaches them they’re committing, and every one of those self-imposed punishments degrade their quality of life for no reason that’s based in reality.

prayer-contrition

Evangelizing

Since the Bible teaches that everyone deserves to go to Hell and the only way to avoid this fate is to believe in the salvation story of Jesus, Christians are burdened with the responsibility of evangelizing. Many Christians have argued that The Great Commission officially orders all Christians to evangelize. Some Christians have argued whether that’s what The Great Commission really meant, but at any rate, Christians should want to save the people they love, which should be everybody. In addition to the emotional trauma that this responsibility inflicts, it takes a lot of time and energy. Every second you spend evangelizing is an irreplaceable opportunity to grow and enjoy life for what it really is that you squandered. Every second you spend engaging other people in conversation about your mythology is irreplaceable time you’re taking away from both of your lives. That time could be better spent engaging with problems that actually exist.

To make matters worse for Christians, nonbelievers don’t want to hear about how Jesus died on the cross for our sins because that story isn’t true. So Christians have to struggle to balance their desire to save people and their desire not to create socially awkward situations. Most Christians more or less keep the story of salvation to themselves and accept that everyone around them is doomed to the darkest, blackest, most evil place in all of existence forever. Their failure to save their loved ones saddles them with varying degrees of guilt. But 100% of that guilt wasn’t necessary, and non-believers are free to live life without that weight on their shoulders.

Everyone else going to Hell

The Bible teaches to love everyone, and it also teaches that everyone is so evil that they deserve to spend the rest of eternity being horrifically tortured unless someone tells them the magic salvation story that will save their soul. Christians have to spend their lives surrounded by people who they believe are destined for eternal torture and will be missing out on Paradise. Even if you wasted your entire life evangelizing you still wouldn’t be able to save everyone. If you truly loved everyone you should spend the rest of your life eaten up with guilt over this fact. If you’re not then you must have found some method of cognitive dissonance to convince yourself how you’re not responsible for the deaths of your loved ones. This emotional trauma and the mental gymnastics you have to use to diffuse this anxiety are all senseless.

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The Bible gives you reason to dislike others

The Bible says that you should love everyone, but it also says that anyone who doesn’t follow the teachings of Jesus is so wicked that they deserve to be tortured forever. In addition to all the other negative repercussions of this double standard that have already been mentioned, it also sets up Christians to dislike and even hate people who reject the teachings of Jesus.

It would take an entire library of books to cover all the historical incidents where Christians have persecuted homosexuals, fornicators, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Atheists, Agnostics, heavy metal bands, and every other group of people in the world who aren’t Christians. Sure, you could argue that the Bible says you’re not supposed to do that, but that’s what happens when you teach one group of people that they’re God’s chosen people and everyone else is demonic scum. Even if you choose not to persecute others, you still have to spend time doing mental gymnastics convincing yourself to love people who God has deemed worthy of death and trying to distance yourself from all the Christians who do persecute sinners and nonbelievers.

christianity-demotivational-poster-

Trying to make sense of the Bible’s teachings

The Bible is full of passages that contradict each other, contradict science and history, glorify violence and injustice or just don’t make any sense at all. The few Christians who bother reading the entire Bible and take it seriously face a monumental task of trying to make sense of all its absurdities. How could this really be the word of God? How do you explain inconvenient passages to non-believers? Which rules do you apply to your own life and which do you ignore? How do you justify ignoring some passages?

The truth is that it’s impossible to find coherent, unifying answers to these questions, because the Bible is a chaotic collection of speculations, stories, rules, philosophies and opinions written by hundreds of different individuals who lived in different cultures over the course of thousands of years. The only coherent, unifying explanation that makes sense of all the Bible’s teachings is that it’s a work of primitive mythology. Christians who can’t accept that fact must spend the rest of their life doing mental gymnastics trying to make sense of an incomprehensible book that conflicts with common sense and modern values. This is a futile endeavor that will only yield anxiety.

Talking to God and waiting/looking for an answer

Christians tend to spend an incredible amount of time praying to God seeking answers to life’s questions, but prayer doesn’t work. It’s nothing more than talking to yourself, and if you do it enough you’ll get an answer, but that answer will be one that you came up with yourself and that you’ll have to make sense of yourself. Sure, you can answer your own questions, but it would be far more effective to ask these questions like a scientist using a tried-and-true method of intellectual inquiry instead of cultivating a split personality or imaginary friend that you have schizophrenic conversations with.

At any rate, why would you have a conversation with an omniscient being who already knows everything and is actively shaping the world according to its inconceivable genius? Prayer should seem even more futile to Christians than to a nonbelievers. Use the gifts God gave you to do what’s in your power to do instead of wasting time mentally masturbating.

prayer

Explaining  how God works in mysterious ways

Your prayers will never be answered by anyone but you. However, sometimes things will work out in your life in a way that seems like your prayers have been answered. However, even if that immaculate event never happened, something else would have, and that thing would have seemed like God answering your prayers. More often than not though, nothing will happen, and you’ll have to explain to yourself why nothing happened.

Many times, horrible things will happen to you and to other people, and you’ll have to explain to yourself why God would let horrible things happen to you or anyone else. When reality doesn’t fit your expectations like this you end up telling yourself, “Well, God just works in mysterious ways.” So basically, whenever something you want to happen happens, you tell yourself “God answered my prayers.” When something you didn’t want to happen happens, you tell yourself, “Well, God works in mysterious ways.” This is text book cognitive dissonance. This is mentally unhealthy and unproductive. Your thoughts would be better spent actually solving problems yourself and not doing mental gymnastics. In fact, the only way problems ever do get solved is by people solving them. So by praying and waiting you become the reason nothing ever gets done.

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Justifying to yourself how you can live such a luxurious lifestyle and still call yourself a Christian

Jesus repeatedly stressed the importance of living a life of austerity. In Matthew 19:21 he said, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven.” Yet the chances of you ever finding a single Christian who has given away all of their money is basically zero. Christians will give you mind-bending excuses for why they don’t have to follow the repeated instructions in the Bible that say to give away your possessions and live a life of poverty, but that’s just yet another example of how Christians have to waste their time and thoughts trying to find creative ways to bridge the gap between reality and fantasy.

pope-waving-plane-jesus-demotivational

Giving money to the church

You won’t find any Christians who have given away everything they own, but it’s easy to find Christians who give menial donations to churches. The vast majority of that money will be spent building and decorating churches or padding the bank accounts of clergymen. If all of that money was given directly to the poor there would be no poverty or homelessness. Even if every Christian had just kept that money for themselves they could have lived more fulfilling lives and passed more money to their descendants to build a better life with…. just like nonbelievers do.

If you liked or hated this blog you’ll probably feel the same way about these:

A short summary of the Bible
10 scriptures that reveal Christianity is mythology
3 sings Christianity is myth
16 reasons i’m extremely hesitant to debate Christians
Why you shouldn’t respect religious beliefs
15 signs your church is a cult
Christian billboards I wish Atheists would make
Christians, you believe in science.
10 signs you should stop pretending to be a Christian
10 reasons Christianity will drive you insane
7 ways the Bible will make you an immoral person
11 ways Christianity ruins society
Disproving the Bible with sex
How Christianity was largely responsible for the holocaust
You can achieve the benefits of Christianity without believing in mythology
It’s time to stop mutilating baby boys’ genitals
Is God a lover or a fighter?
How believers can witness to nonbelievers
Religion 101 final exam
Prophets and cognitive dissonance
10 ways to be a better Christian witness on the internet
The power of prayer
The Dali Lama may be nice, but he still pretends to be a mythological being
A more realistic take on the 10 commandments
On traditional Christian-American values
What is sin?
It’s time to stop celebrating Easter
It’s time to stop celebrating Christmas
Inequality Appreciation Day

How to go down on a guy

Note 1: Feel free to E-mail me or leave a comment if you have advice for how to improve this guide.

Note 2: Every guy is a little different, and they have their own likes/dislikes. If you want to know how to please your man, ask him. If he doesn’t know what he likes or you don’t want to ask, this guide is a good starting point.

The Build Up

You don’t have to wine and dine a guy to get him in the mood to enjoy a blow job. Men’s lust might turn on and off like a light switch, but human sex organs aren’t light switches. They need to be stimulated and aroused. The longer and harder you stimulate them the more powerful of an orgasm they’ll produce. You can begin stimulating the sex hormones in your man’s body long before you put his cock in your mouth. Here are a few ways to do that:

Sext him throughout the day and tell him erotic things.

Send him sexy pictures of you.

Be naked or wear sexy lingerie around him.

Do a sexy dance for him and give him a lap dance.

Practice edging on him over the course of a few hours.

Caress his cock throughout the day.

Straddle him naked and massage his cock with your vagina.

The Approach

There are a lot of positions you can go down on a guy in, and they all have their time and their place. The simplest, most reliable position is to have him lie on his back or sit in a chair and you position yourself on your stomach or knees between his legs. However, know that it will get monotonous for both of you if that’s the only position you ever give him a blowjob from. To spice things up, try having him stand and you kneel in front of him. If he’s lying on his back, blow him from the 69 position or from a modified 69 position where you’re kneeling or lying next to him with your face towards his groin. At some point you should give him a blow job in a parked car. In that case you’ll have to come in from the side. Each position doesn’t offer different challenges. They offer different opportunities.

There’s no single right way to instigate a blowjob. You can undress your man and kiss your way down to his groin or just unzip his pants and take his cock out. Don’t over think your approach. You don’t have to kiss and caress every inch of his body or put a ton of work into erotically maneuvering your way between his legs. Chances are your man isn’t over thinking what you’re doing. He’s probably just thinking, “Yes! I’m going to get a blow job!”

Once you get your mouth between his legs you can go straight to blowing him, but the more you prime him the more he’s likely enjoy your blowjob, the quicker he’ll orgasm and the better his orgasm will be. So before you go put your mouth on his penis, consider other ways you can stimulate his genitals like hand jobs and titty fucking.

The Meet and Greet

There’s a time and a place to thrust your man’s cock in your mouth and immediately start head banging like a metal head who hates their father. However, if you’re not a blow job pro, you’re going to wear your neck and mouth out very quickly that way. If you want to build up your man’s orgasm to its full potential while maximizing your energy expenditure, you should start slow.

When you first put your mouth on his cock, don’t go straight into a mechanical rocking motion. Spend 1-3 minutes caressing the entire length of his cock sensually with your hands, lips and tongue. It’s not important exactly what you do, as long as what you’re doing is fluid and sensual. Think of this stage of the blow job as the “meet and greet.” You’re just making him feel comfortable and tantalizing him, prepping him for what’s to come. Use this time to express your passion subjectively through your dancing touch. Or just do whatever you want. Explore him how you want to explore him. Whatever you do he’ll probably enjoy it for at least 1-3 minutes.

 One thing you should strongly consider doing is fondling his balls with your hands and/or tongue. Caress them and lick them sensually. It’s a easy, simple, efficient and effective way to directly stimulate his sex organs. And if you want your man to cum, you need to stimulate his sex organs, because that’s how men cum. By having their sex organs stimulated.

Ladies, think of your man’s balls as sort of like your labia. If a guy goes down on you without caressing and licking your labia at all, you can still have an orgasm if he works your clit the right way, but it would have been a more fulfilling experience if he would have given your labia a little attention somewhere in there. Guys’ balls are the same way.

Getting Down to Business

The meet and greet stage is warm and cozy, and it serves a legitimate purpose in building a man up to orgasm, but it will probably take a long, long time to bring your man to orgasm by only using random licks and puckers. The same is true when giving cunnilingus to a girl. There quickly comes a point in good fellatio or cunnilingus where you need to get down to the mechanical business of directly stimulating the most sensitive part/s of your partner’s sex organs with repetitive, reliable motions.

The most sensitive part of a man’s penis is the head. Of that, the most sensitive part is the base/rim of the head closest to the shaft. To stimulate it, curl your lips into your mouth so they cover your teeth and put your mouth over the head of the penis. Press your mouth down over the penis and move your head up and down over the base of the head. Covering your teeth with your lips will give you a soft surface to massage his penis with. Not covering your teeth will cut, stab and hurt him. The more soft tissue in your mouth that touches the penis, the better it will feel for the man. So push your tongue up against his cock as well. Don’t over-think this. The goal is just to have as much of your soft tissue touching as much of his soft tissue as possible. Then go forward and backwards like you’re giving a hand job with your face. You can get a little zany for the first 1-5 minutes of this stage, but by the end of stage two you’re going to need to have settled on one motion and rhythm (more about that later).

If you don’t know how much pressure to use, ask him. It won’t ruin the mood. It will show that you’re attentive and resourceful. The true test of how good your blow is, is the orgasm. He’ll have a better orgasm if you’re doing what he wants. So don’t be afraid to ask him. I will say this though, you would be surprised how much squeezing force a penis can take and enjoy. Men masturbate and fuck furiously. The penis can (and does) take a beating, and it loves it. If you press too hard, he’ll tell you. If you don’t press hard enough he may just quietly wish you would press harder. If he’s not complaining you may consider squeezing his cock harder or asking if he wants you to.

While the most sensitive part of the penis is the base of the head, the shaft is still sexually sensitive and should not be neglected. You can stimulate the shaft one of two ways. The first way is to take your man’s cock all the way into your mouth until your lips are pressing against the pubic hair around the base of his shaft. This will feel good, but it takes pressure away from the base of the head. So this is a good thing to do a little of during this stage of the blow job, but you wouldn’t necessarily want to do this for the entirety of the blow job. It won’t stimulate his head enough, which will make him take longer to orgasm, which means you’ll have to do more work.

The other way to stimulate the shaft is by using one or both of your hands. You can even use one of your hands to fondle your man’s balls while using the other to jerk off his shaft while using your mouth to stimulate the head of his penis. You can also use one or both hands to jerk off the shaft from the top of the head to the base of the shaft, and during the down-strokes (when your hands aren’t touching his head) you can use your mouth to stimulate the head. This method will stimulate him from top to bottom simultaneously. If you never do this then you’re working harder than you have to. Your hands are doing most of the work, and your mouth is getting most of the credit. Just be sure to really lubricate his shaft well with spit or lube before jerking him off.

Whichever combination of these methods you use, do them fluidly and repetitively for a while. It may help to play sexy music with a steady, medium-paced beat to time your strokes to. Don’t keep switching things up. At this stage in the blow job repetition will get you farther than creativity. Your man needs to get used to what you’re doing and have time to enjoy it. Every time you change gears, he changes gears and has to spend more time getting used to what you’re doing.

To recap: Start off slow and gradually build up speed (the same is true for a guy going down on a girl). Get a little frisky in the beginning, but settle into a steady, medium pace and keep doing that until you reach Stage 3.

The Crescendo

There’s no exact time frame for how long the second stage of oral sex should last. You have to read your man’s body language to determine when he’s getting close to cumming. His dick may get larger and harder. You may taste more and more precum. He might breathe, writhe and moan harder. He may start pumping his cock into your mouth. If he does that, he’ll finish quicker if you let him, because he’s doing what feels good to him (and his pleasure is what brings him to orgasm). In that sense, he’s doing you a favor by taking over some of the muscular workload and responsibility for using proper technique.

When you get the sense that he’s at least three quarters of the way to an orgasm, it’s time to take things to the next level. At this point your goal is to push him over the finish line. Now is the time to really focus on stimulating the head of his cock (particularly the base/rim). You can do this by bearing down on his head with your mouth and/or shortening the strokes with your hand to exclude the bottom portion of the shaft of the penis so that most of the attention is around the head.

Your movements (with your head and/or your hands) should get a little faster at this point, but beware that jerking him off and blowing him as fast as possible will probably just confuse the nerves in his body and possibly numb the skin you’re trying to stimulate (just like how you don’t really feel anything when a guy licks your clit too fast).

This is really, really not the time to get creative. If you’re doing something that has pushed your man to stage 3, don’t start doing something different. What you’re doing is working. You just need to speed up what you’re doing a little bit and apply a little more pressure. Do that, and you’ll probably bring him to orgasm pretty quickly.

The Orgasm

The prospects of having a man shoot a load of sperm into your mouth are understandably concerning. How do you know when it will happen? Will it go down your throat? If you can catch it in your mouth, do you swallow it? Does taking it in your mouth make you a slut? Does swallowing it make you an even bigger slut? Will it taste horrible? If you don’t take it in your mouth then where do you aim it, and what do you do with it?

The best way to know for sure when a guy is about to cum is to ask him (before you go down on him) to tell you when he’s about to cum. If he has a problem with that then he’s probably a jerk and you shouldn’t be going down on him. If he doesn’t expressly say he’s about to cum he may instinctively make a loud groan or yell. His cock may swell and stiffen, and/or his fast-paced breathing may reach a crescendo.

When he does cum he may shoot several loads. The first load may be small, followed by a large one and then a few after shots. The first load may be the biggest, followed by several smaller ones. There may just be one medium or small sized load. The more edging you’ve done, the more he’s turned on, the longer he’s gone without sex, and the better his diet is, the more likely he is to shoot more bigger loads.

There’s nothing morally wrong with taking cum in your mouth or swallowing it. Quite the opposite, one could argue that a load of cum is an expression of passion, a gift from one lover to another. Savoring a load of your lover’s cum in your mouth is tantamount to savoring a box of chocolates given to you by your lover on Valentine’s Day. And let’s be honest. You wouldn’t have any moral reservations about your man getting your juices in his mouth when he goes down on you. Well, his juices are as equally wonderful and respectable as yours.

There’s nothing shameful about having cum in your mouth. However, if you simply aren’t ready to accept a throat full of cum for whatever reason, you can always spit it into a napkin or catch as much of it as you can with your hand and discard it hygienically. If you just let the guy blow his load all over his stomach he probably won’t care. He’ll probably just be happy he had a great release. Though, one of you will need to clean it up.

Regardless of what happens to his cum, some guys are bashful about kissing a girl after they’ve had their mouth on his cock. These men are immature and need to accept the glorious sloppiness of sex. There’s nothing morally impure about kissing someone after they’ve gone down on you. It’s no more “icky” than any other of fluid swapping that happens during sex. It’s just part of sex, and any guy who disagrees needs to get the stick out of their ass. Having said that, if a guy doesn’t want to kiss you until you brush your teeth after going down on him then you should respect his wishes and consider going down on someone else next time.

When you’re planning what to do with a penis in your mouth that is about to burst with cum, take into consideration that a moment or two after he cums, the head of his penis will be so sensitive that it will be painful to touch for maybe 5-15 seconds. So when he cums, don’t keep stroking him expecting him to just keep cumming. The head of his penis won’t keep cumming. It will just start burning. You can tenderly stroke the shaft of the penis though. That’s fine and dandy.

Other Pointers

Most heterosexual men are hesitant to have a woman play with his anus. However, any man who is confident and adventurous to experiment with anal play will be rewarded with mind blowing orgasms because the male equivalent of the female G-spot is inside his anus. To reach the male G-spot, simply insert your finger or sex toy into his anus and press upwards so that you’re pressing up against the base of the internal sex organs located between his inner colon and the base of his penis. Then rub in and out or in fluid circles. That will literally stimulate his sex organs from the inside out, and that is a reliable way to give a man an overwhelming orgasm. That has nothing to do with sexual orientation. That’s just objective science. Ejaculations are produced by stimulating sex organs. So stimulating sex organs from the inside out and the outside in produce full-bodied orgasms. That’s how orgasms work.

You can stimulate the male G-spot before and/or during the actual blow job. It’s a good way to warm him up, and it feels even better when it’s being done while he ejaculates. Either way, talk to him about it before you do it as he may not want you to. If you do it, use lots and lots and lots of lube. Start very slowly, and unless you’re both anal pros, don’t finger bang him, because you might damage tissue that is very painful and slow to heal.

You may not like the idea of going down on a man at all, much less licking his balls or fingering his anus, because you think it’s either gross, demeaning or spiritually immoral. If you feel that way I’d like to share some reasons why I believe you should reconsider your perception of sexual taboos.

Sticking your lover’s cock in your mouth, licking his balls and fingering his ass aren’t icky, demeaning activities. They’re profoundly intimate activities. Making love is about experiencing your partner as intimately as possible, and that’s what these activities do. That’s what they are. They’re physically, emotionally and spiritually intimate connections between you and your lover. There’s nothing spiritually unclean about expressing your affection for another person by engaging in intimacy. So there’s no reason you should withhold these cosmically beautiful experiences from yourself or your lover.

If you’re not impressed by these philosophical justifications, then consider this down to earth observation. When done correctly, the activities I’m talking about are extremely, extremely, extremely pleasurable for a man. Pleasure makes men happy. It might not make him happy forever, but we’re not going to live forever anyway. Life is lived right now. Right now is our only opportunity to be happy. If you give your man a blow job right now, he’ll be happy right now. If you care about him, then don’t you want him to be happy? Because blow jobs make men happy.

People want to be around people who care about them and make them feel good. People don’t want to be around people who don’t care about them and make them feel bad. People want to spend the rest of their lives with the people who care about them the most and makes them feel the best. And nothing says, “I care about you,” more than putting someone’s cock in your mouth. It’s proof positive of your feelings. It’s emotionally gratifying to a man to receive a blow job, and guys really want to be with someone who makes them feel that good.

It takes more than good blow jobs to woo a man. You have to make him feel good emotionally too. And what message does it send him if you don’t want to put his cock in your mouth because you think it’s icky and repulsive or daunting?  You’re telling him that his dick is a revolting, unlovable piece of trash. Men’s dicks are very important to them. They love them. They name them. They base a portion of their self-worth on them. If you’re going to insult their manhood by rejecting it you may as well literally kick them in their disgusting balls, because that’s what you’re doing to them emotionally.

For these reasons and more, you should want to give your man blow jobs, lick his balls and finger his anus.

 If you liked this blog you may like these:

How to go down on a girl
Advice to virgins
10 pieces of relationship advice
Some relationship advice
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Stages of friendship
How to pick up chicks
Why women like assholes
Why men should wear nice underwear
My theory on sexual morality
You need to be a little slutty
Why I don’t like strip clubs
Why I like strip clubs
Why would you not masturbate?

Why you shouldn’t commit suicide

Your body is made of start dust that has existed for about fourteen billion years. The history of the universe is the history of how you were born. You’re the universe incarnate. Your body is made of trillions of atoms that form billions of molecules that form millions of cells that form a network of interconnected tissues and organs that all add up to create a walking, talking, seeing, smelling, hearing, feeling, thinking, dreaming, loving, learning, hurting, glowing, reproducing organic machine. The blue prints of your body are incomprehensibly elegant. To say that you’re intelligently designed is an understatement. I don’t know if there’s a God or not, but it looks like a lot of love, attention and genius went into the design and creation of every living thing in the universe, including you.

Try to imagine what the universe was like before the big bang when the universe was nothing more than something that could have existed. At that first moment, what were the odds that almost fourteen billion years later one small pile of atoms that had been dancing and swimming across the cosmos would coagulate into an inconceivably elegantly designed organic bipedal super computer that is is self-aware and thinks it’s you? My guess would be the odds of that happening are either one in infinity or zero. I don’t know why we exist or what the meaning of life is, but the rarity and brevity of life sure seem to point to the conclusion that life is inconceivably important… including yours.

If you ever get to doubting your importance, go climb a mountain and watch the sun set and the stars come out. Stand in the cold night air and gape at the oceans of atoms in the night sky swirling through eternity. That’s the universe that gave birth to you, and that’s what you are. You’re a shining, cosmic miracle living in possibly the grandest, most elegant (albeit dangerous) playground that could potentially exist.

Nothing you can ever do or not do will change how important you are. Everyone has their own reasons why they doubt their self-worth, and many of those reasons seem to have merit. We all fail short of our potential, and we all do things we regret. We all hurt people, sometimes very badly. We’ve all done things we’re ashamed of. Even when we think we’re doing everything right, sometimes the world just keeps beating us down until we’ve spent so much time on our belly that we feel like an animal.

The irony of that is, we are all animals. We’re pretty clever monkeys, but we’re more primitive than we tend to admit. Our brains may be cosmic super computers, but they don’t have enough storage space to begin to comprehend an iota of the knowledge out there. Since we weren’t born with an instruction book we don’t even know what we’re supposed to be learning anyway. We’re all so lost we don’t even know how lost we are, and that’s how we’ll spend the rest of our lives. The silver lining in the existential despair of existence is that we’re all doing amazing well under the circumstances. We all deserve a pat on the back for being able to function in society at all. Also, our failures and imperfections were inevitable. You shouldn’t get any madder at yourself or anyone else for screwing up than you would a two year old.

Life hurts bad, and it hurts often. Then, at the end of it all we lose everything. Some of the pain we endure is unjust, but all of the pain we endure is the cost of living. Fortunately for you, even though on one level you’re nothing more than a monkey lost in a storm, you’re also still an intelligent, autonomous, bipedal cosmic supercomputer. You might not be the smartest, fastest, strongest, most beautiful, most successful monkey, but you’re still one of the rarest, most powerful forces in the universe. Your five senses, thumbs and legs effectively give you superpowers, and the more you learn the more superpowers you can have. As long as you’re breathing there’s something you can do to find and enact solutions to your problems. You have the power to change your environment. You just need to use your superpowers and never ever, ever quit.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, but help is out there. In fact, you already have more help than you can imagine. It’s important to bear in mind that the universe itself has already spent almost 14 billion years giving birth to you, and it’s still helping the trillions of atoms in your body operate in perfect unison. The gears of the universe are always spinning inside of us, around us and to the farthest corners of the cosmos.  If we’re the only living, thinking things in the universe then all of that work, all the fireworks in the night sky are just for us. We should all be flattered and appreciative.

It’s hard to feel that way sometimes, because for all the gifts and opportunities the universe gives us, it doesn’t bend its rules to accommodate our convenience. Inevitably, we’ll each be pinched and crushed by the gears of the universe. It’s nothing personal. It’s just an occupational hazard. The good news is that you’re not alone in your fight against the universe’s indifference. Before you were even born, generations of human beings toiled in the mud to keep your bloodline alive. People have fought and died for you. People have devoted their lives to understanding the universe so your generation will be less lost than theirs. You weren’t born in the mud, because your generation is being held up by the accomplishments and sacrifices of every generation before you. You’ve been given so many gifts unconditionally by your ancestors that you should feel grateful to the point of feeling indebted.

On the other hand, your ancestors also did a lot of selfish, hurtful things that make life suck. The religious, political and economic systems they handed down to your generation are woefully flawed and cause immeasurable suffering. Even though there are members of your own generation who want to maintain the status quo and keep profiting from the problems in your life, there are millions of people out there willing to be your ally if you just reach out to them. There are some people you’re going to be compatible with, and there are some people you aren’t. If you’re surrounded by people who treat you with indignity and make you feel like a subhuman freak, you need to reach out on the internet and find a tribe you fit into. I guarantee you, it’s out there somewhere.

If your mental health is so low that you’re contemplating suicide, you should reach out to a suicide hotline, an online suicide hotlinesupport group, forum and/or professional therapist. Those resources are out there. Help is out there waiting for you, and seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of wisdom.

Sometimes suicide seems like the only solution to your problems, but it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and if you haven’t already sought help then suicide isn’t really your last resort. You still have multiple options before even considering that. If you’re willing to give up everything you have to escape your problems via suicide then there shouldn’t be anything holding you back from sacrificing everything in the pursuit of improving your life via paying for therapy, spending time at support groups, moving to a more peaceful place or traveling the world.

Why make even more sacrifices to stay alive in a world that can be so cold? Because your life is bigger than your pain. Any support group will tell you (and show you) that life gets better, and the harder and smarter you work the better it gets. You might not get everything you want out of life. You may never see Rome or Paris or the Aurora Borealis, but the entire universe is littered with potential awesome experiences. The most rewarding experiences out there are the ones you have with the people you love, and those people are out there either right in front of you or just around the corner. Even if they’re on the other side of the planet, you can still reach them if you’re crafty and tenacious enough.

The more positive opportunities you seize and the more positive experiences you have the more they’ll shape you into a stronger, wiser, more complete person. The better of a person you become the better of a life you’ll experience. As long as you can grow your life can become more joyful and fulfilling.

Even if your life turns out to be nothing more than a cosmic accident and your existence is ultimately meaningless, you can still shine in the brief time you have before you die anyway. You don’t have to climb a mountain to find that. You’re already a miracle experiencing a miracle. You can feel that anytime anywhere. All you have to do is let go of your worries and just be.

Yes, there are problems in this world that we can’t just ignore in an oblivious haze of naïve optimism. But if there are problems in your life that you can fix then you should fix them and not worry about them. If there are problems in your life that you can’t fix you should accept them and not worry about them. Either way, there’s no point in enduring life’s problems if we don’t take time to stop and bask in the positive aspects of life as often as possible. That’s what makes life grand. That’s what makes life worth living. That’s why you’re lucky to be alive and why you shouldn’t cut short the priceless, brief opportunity you’ve been given.

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